Everybody makes mistakes. I’ve made plenty. Good things can come from the most outrageous missteps in life. I had a baby when I was 16. Now I have an amazing daughter that I couldn’t imagine my life without. Jesse and I married too soon and for all the wrong reasons yet we’ve been gifted with a life together that is full of love and hope.

Mistakes can bring about change and can highlight the dark corners of our life where we need to change, or repent, or release.

I think regrets are something different. I view regrets as something we desperately wish could be different yet we can’t redo. Regrets are the times when we make a choice that we wish we had never made, one that effects the outcome of a situation permanently.

In my mind mistakes can be celebrated, regrets need to be mourned.

There are very few things in my life that I truly regret… calling my mother an awful name in anger because I was a selfish teenager not getting my way… not visiting my grandfather in the hospital before he died because I thought it would hurt too much… not visiting Sara sooner because I allowed money to get in the way… all the things I can’t redo, or undo, no matter how hard I try.

Last night learned that our sweet friend Sara had passed away and the feeling of regret that I had this morning was suffocating. Then my friend Matthew’s post reminded me to breathe… breathe deeply… and find joy. Without regret.

The physical, in person visit wasn’t as important as the friendship. How or where Sara and I spent our time together isn’t as important as the fact that we spent it. Together. And we spent it well…

Laughing.

Loving.

Praying.

Dreaming. Together.

Without regrets.

How do you handle regrets in life?

I think that Tom Davis may the the only friend that could bring me out of my extended blog break. And I know that he is the only friend that could get me to drive to KENTUCKY on a whim. Seriously though, I love Children’s Hopechest and it was my honor to meet up with Tom, Desperation Band, and Meredith Andrews last night for the launch of the Free to Live Tour.

This tour is “a night of worship, speaking, a call to action and an opportunity for you to become part of the family and movement to protect victims of the awful sex trade industry.” It’s a great night and it’s FREE (my favorite four letter word).

I loved spending an evening immersed in an amazing worship. I loved having this time to allow the Spirit to continue transforming my heart and adjust my sights away from myself and on to His passions, His desire for us to serve Him by meeting the needs of “the least of these”. Good stuff.

Here are my 5 takeaways from Free to Live (and reasons you should check it out!):

• I hadn’t known Meredith Andrews music before last night- wow… girlfriend can sing.
• I did know that Jon Egan can sing. I didn’t know that he can preach! The words he shared about Jesus’ heart for the oppressed and the necessity of our response were excellent. I was especially moved by his statement that “Truth triumphs over emotion. Jesus is our truth.” Preach!
• I love worship. Love. Jon Egan shared that “worship without action isn’t worship.” That is some serious truth. Spending the evening doing both – worship and action – was good for my soul.
• Tom shared that there are now 150 million orphans on the world. While that statistic seems overwhelming, doing something as simple as buying a pound of coffee can feed an orphan for a month. Even I can do that.
• The sign below was posted in the Orphan Experience exhibit (don’t miss it if you go) and it really, really spoke to me. It spoke to me as an orphan, a mom, a teen mom, a woman… it sung to my heart on every level. Last year we raised over $2,000 to help HopeChest build a counseling room for trafficking victims in Moldova. This may be the next push… detail to come ;)

You can find out more info on the tour HERE. Tonight the tour hits Atlanta (tickets are still available. And free!) then it moves on to North Carolina and two stops in Alabama. West coast tour dates will be out soon.

You can find out more about HopeChest HERE.

What is the one organization the makes your heart sing? Leave a comment and link them below so we can check them out!

My friend Alece started a non-resolution revolution of sorts on her blog. Basically, her challenge is to ditch lists and the regret of unkept New Year promises. In exchange she asked that everyone choose one word that they would live, eat, breathe, and walk out during 2011. The only new year’s resolution I have ever kept was to watch more reality TV (I was a smashing success!) so this sounded like a better option for me.

I love the one word idea and I’m thrilled to be focusing on one thing this year. So, here is my one word for 2011:

Submit

This is so fitting for me right now. I’m just returning from a long blog break. I shared that I had to step away from the blog because I felt like I needed to be quiet and listen. What I haven’t shared is how specific God was with me during that time.

When I was at Idea Camp in Las Vegas last September, I facilitated a workshop on the power of confession. I had intended to attend the conference, participate on a panel, do my workshop, hang out with my friends, then return home and blog all about it. I never got to the blogging part. Some of the things that were shared in my workshop hit me in unexpected ways. That was the start of the season of silence.

Basically, during my time away I realized that God was giving me a glimpse of what he wanted me to be doing. The opportunities to speak, write and share my story were only a taste of what he had in store for me. But I realized that I would never be able to experience all that he had for me until I was ready to submit completely. Everything.

Most of what I share is centered around addiction and our recovery journey, about a broken relationship and restoration. However, the truth is there were two specific things that God revealed to me after that workshop that I needed to address:

First, I had gained over 100 pounds during the darkest days of our marriage. Yes, 100. And I’m still carrying that weight around.  Second, I had lost faith in the church after we were asked to leave the church I had attended for years. We were asked to leave because of my husband’s addiction, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to fully trust or engage in church community again.

God has been very clear with me… if I want to experience all that he has in store for me I have to address these. If I want credibility when I talk about recovery, I need to surrender and submit.

I came to realize that as long as I still struggle with these two things, I haven’t really recovered.

Here’s the problem: I have a MAJOR pride issue. I’ve spent the last few months looking at the pride in my life and all of the complicated, subtle ways that it manifests itself. Ways that reach far beyond these two things and stretch into almost all that I think and do.

Needless to say, it’s complicated.

So, this year I am focused on submitting. Submitting to accountability about my weight. Submitting to pastoral care to address my church/trust issues. Submitting to the church and other women so I can build and flex my severely underdeveloped trust muscle. Submitting to a process of recovery that may or may not include a therapist and/or a personal trainer. Submitting to a select group of people that have full access to my marriage, my finances, my thoughts, and my actions.

I’m surrendering to God’s will.

I am submitting to his plan, his process, and his people (by the way, that last bit scares the crap out of me).

Submit. My one word.

Pushing past myself.

Leaning into others.

Embracing the truth.

Pursuing God.

Submit.

What is your one word for 2011?

Before I launch into all of my new stuff, I thought I would catch you up on a few of the things that I’ve been up to (and a few things that my friends have been up to).

~

I spent some time with my friend Mark Horvath (@hardlynormal) while he was in town for his Invisible People road trip. Check out his new website, We Are Visible. Inspiring!

I hung out with my girls (and some pretty awesome guys) at Idea Camp//Sex in Las Vegas. More about Idea Camp (and Dirty Girls) in a later post :)

Speaking of being a dirty girl, I also had my first In and Out burger on this trip. Wow.

I got to hang out with friends Matthew and Jessica (@jesusneedsnewpr and @jessicanturner) over Thanksgiving weekend. While I was on my break Matthew launched a new blog called “My Daddy Blog,” and Jessica launched a new baby :)

Matthew is also releasing the audio version of his book Churched. It’s fantastic! You can check it out a sample here:

I got a new puppy, Scout, whom I love and adore!

I spent a few days in the Boys Town neighborhood of Chicago with my friends Brenda and Andy Marin (@andrew_marin). The Marin Foundation is continuing to do things that inspire me. Please take the time to read more about Andrew and the foundation HERE.

I also had my first Chicago style hot dog while we were together. Better than my first In and Out people.

And last but not least, I had a wonderful Christmas with my family.

All of these picture were taken on my iPhone with the app “Instagr.am.” It’s definitely my favorite app of 2010. I love it!

What was your favorite app of 2010 and what have you all been up to?

While I was on my blog break, I got together with my friends Kate and Kendra to watch the season finale of The Bachelorette (Team Roberto all the way!). This show is so cheesy, but I love it. I posted on Facebook and Twitter that we were watching the show. Shortly after, I received an email from someone who was shocked that I speak out against pornography, yet I watch The Bachelorette. This emailer went on to tell me that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are both porn.

My first thought was: If this is porn, it is THE WORST porn ever.

My second thought was that if The Bachelorette is classified as porn, then the mostly naked Dancing With the Stars is in MAJOR trouble.

How do you define pornography? Is it subjective?When do TV or movies cross the line for you?

While I was on my blog hiatus, there were several news stories that I was dying to blog about! Montana Fishburne and her sex tape topped the list. Oh, Montana. Really?

The famous, now infamous, daughter of actor Lawrence Fishburne shocked everyone (including her Oscar-nominated father) with news that she was releasing the first adult video in what she hoped would be a series with Vivid Entertainment. Why? She was impressed with the way Kim Kardashian’s sex tape (which was leaked without her knowledge) launched her career, and she hoped hers would follow suit.

Seriously, can the child of Lawrence Fishburne feel she needs Vivid to help launch her career? Isn’t her father connected enough?

In follow-up interviews, Montana reveals that she began having a passionate desire to become a porn star when she was 16 and that she made her first home movie at 18. And her Twitter feed has been hopping with tweets such as:

Aw this little 13 year old girl came up to me talking about I’m her favorite celebrity and she is going to make a sex-tape when she turns 18

And…

It’s too late fools. Me and @ihatekatstacks are the next generation’s ROLE MODELS. You had your chance and decided to go to college smh hoes

I think it’s really easy to dismiss her comment about being a role model as craziness (and who is this 13-year-old girl!? Where is her mother!?). But really I have to wonder if this is what we’re coming to. Do today’s young ladies really want to be Kim and Paris because of their sex tapes? Does reality TV really have to cover shows about Playmates, the messed up family on Pretty Wild, or toddler pageant queens (and yes, they do belong on this list IMO)? Does it really have to be this difficult to find a skirt that covers my 7-year-old’s entire backside?

Here’s what I know for sure… our young girls need frequent, candid conversations about sex with adult women they can trust. The “sex” and “porn” talk isn’t just for boys anymore.

Am I just getting old, or is this out of control? What responsibility do we have as a church to model appropriateness to our young girls?

I’m guest posting for my friend Jason Boyett.

Yay, me! Jason’s book, “Oh Me of Little Faith” is available and a must read. The book takes a refreshing, honest look at our doubts and our faith. Plus the cover art? Fantastic :)

Anyway, Jason asked me if I would mind sharing some of my thoughts on faith and doubt over at his place. Of course I’m honored. You can read my guest post, “The Worst Breakup Ever” on his blog today.

I’m Facilitating at Idea Camp//Sex in Las Vegas

Yay, me again! This isn’t actually new news but the Idea Camp//Sex website launched today so I feel like it’s officially official. I can’t wait for this conference. Not only will I get to speak about porn, there will be many others (all way cooler than me) there to discuss sex, sexuality, and the church. GOOD STUFF!

Head over to the new site and look around. The confirmed facilitator list is great. I would love if you could join us there!

And last but not least…

I have a weekend with zero scheduled plans.

Yay, me <underscore and highlight>!! With three kids this is a rare, noteworthy thing. I intend to either get a lot of writing or a lot of napping done. I haven’t quite decided yet.

What is number one thing you hope to accomplish this weekend?

I’m alektorophobic.

I am terrified of chickens. Seriously. It’s actually a phobia. I bet you didn’t know there was a super fancy doctor word for that, did ya?

Normal people fear things like heights, or dogs, or airplanes, or spiders, or dying. Not me… I’m special :)

Anyway, my fear really does fit the definition of a clinical phobia. It is the result of an early childhood “incident”; it’s totally irrational (I’ve actually rated which ones are the scariest — black and white speckled are the worst, in case you were wondering); when confronted with chickens or other live poultry (quit laughing at me!), I have a negative physiological response; and it impairs my social functioning.

The last part is what really bothers me. I live in suburban Detroit, so my chances of having an unplanned run-in with a chicken are slim at best. I won’t go to petting zoos with my kids, and there is one cider mill near my house that I’ve blacklisted, but other than that I’m doing pretty well. Except for one big thing…

I would love to go on a short term mission trip to a third world country or visit Vietnam (where I was born and adopted from). And the only thing that keeps me from going is my intense, ridiculous fear of chickens.

Lame but true.

What are you afraid of?

Is there anything that keeps you from doing something you really want to do?

This one looked like something I would find on JesusNeedsNewPR:

I would convert to

Pentecostal just so I

Could lay hands on you.

And this one reminded me of the Song of Solomon (if it had been written in Japanese):

You seem so sturdy;

your frame, fit to bear children

and work my farmlands.

A little bit of fun and a GIVEAWAY

If you’re creative enough to leave a funny haiku (pickup lines or other wise) in the comments I will be very happy. Here are some tips on how to write a haiku in case you need them. I will send the person whose haiku I think is the funniest this fun XXXChurch pocket book sized Gospel of John:

I’ll pick a winner on Tuesday!

I love that! So, let’s have it…

What decision will you make today that will make God smile?

I’ll go first… today I will get up early and walk rather than sleep in an extra half hour.

Your turn!