I just found out that my friend Crystal’s interview is now available (mine will be up later this year). I’m honored to serve on the board of directors for her non-profit, Dirty Girls Ministries. More than that I’m honored to be her friend. We talk a lot on this blog about being real and sharing our stories. I think this clip of Crystal sharing about her struggle with porn addiction is the epitome of what being real means. Yeah, I love this girl.

If you are interested in getting real and hearing more of my and Crystal’s stories, she and I will be speaking together in the Detroit area on September 25 (more details to come) and in Las Vegas at the Idea Camp on September 27 and 28. We would love to see you at either event!

Crystal Renaud from Scratching the Surface on Vimeo.

Do you think that the church is getting real about porn? What other issues does the church need to get real about?

I was so impressed with the house that I actually took a zillion pictures, but I thought I’d show a few that represented ways you, your church, or your small group could help your local Ronald McDonald House provide care and support for the families of children in need of medical care.

Make sure you read the entire post… there’s a great giveaway at the end!

We visited the house on Deming Place in Chicago. Isn’t it gorgeous? It’s across the street from Children’s Memorial Hospital, which specializes in very serious illness, so the 31 beds at this house are often full. Families with a child receiving care at Children’s Memorial can stay at the house for a recommended donation of $10 per day.

As you can see it’s just as pretty inside. This is one of playrooms that we were able to visit.

But just beyond all of the toys and beautiful decorations were constant reminders of what the house is intended for… to care for the sick and to show love to children and families. One of the things that really moved me was an encouragement board that hung over one of the couches in a reading room. The board was covered in encouraging note cards, some written in a child’s crooked block letters, others in a father’s heavy print, or this one written in a mom’s looping cursive. A prayer for hope and healing.

I also asked about ways the church can help. Here are three:

(Don’t forget to keep reading for the free swag!)

1. Volunteer

The names on this schedule represent church groups and families that have volunteered to cook meals for families. While parents have access to the kitchens and can cook independently, the houses also like to have group dinners. Not only does it give mom and dad a nice break from cooking after a long day at the hospital, it also gives them an opportunity to meet other families, which is so important for ongoing support. In addition to volunteering to cook, groups can also volunteer to do tutoring or host children’s craft nights. What a great small group opportunity!

2. Collect Donations

Like I said, families have the opportunity to cook for themselves. They are given access to a fully stocked family pantry full of dry and canned goods that they have free access to. The house is always looking for donations to keep the pantry stocked. In addition to food, they are also in need of household products like toilet paper, paper towels, and laundry soap. Call your RMHC to find out how to organize a donation drive.

(Note: I have a personal, first fruits-esque pet peeve – please donate the stuff that you would use – you know the good 2-ply stuff. I hate when we buy second rate junk that we would never put in our own houses for donations… stuff like waxy, icky crayons. Crayola people! OK, rant over).

3. Give Gifts

If you want to give something a little more exciting than a box of Pasta-Roni, I learned that every child (and sibling) who stays at the house gets a gift out of a giant toy closet. Toy and book donations are needed year round. Gift cards for fast food or resturants around the hospital are also a good gift idea.

The Giveaway

I’m giving away a reuseable, eco-friendly Ronald McDonald House shopping bag AND a $10.00 McDonald’s gift card to one lucky winner. Winner will be randomly drawn from the comments below on July 17th.

There are three ways to enter (and yes, you can do each one once for a total of three entries).

1. Leave a comment below with the location of the Ronald McDonald House closest to your home or church. Click HERE to search for the location nearest you.

2. Leave a separate comment below letting me know that you tweeted this: I support @rmhc and entered to win a gift card from @nicolewick http://www.nicolewick.com/2010/07/a-picture-story-and-giveaway/

3. Leave a separate comment below letting me know that you became a RMHC facebook fan and pasted this in your status: I’m a fan of RMHC and entered to win a McDonald’s gift card here http://www.nicolewick.com/2010/07/a-picture-story-and-giveaway/

Leave your comments to win!

Last week I spent some time in Boystown with my friend Andrew Marin and new friends Nathan and Kevin from the Marin Foundation. Wednesday night, I was invited to join them for a gathering that they call Living in the Tension and figured it would make a great blog post to close out my June series on LGBT Pride month.

I’ve been trying to write this post ever since.

It’s been nine days since we were with our friends in Chicago, and I still have no words. Nine days. Longer than it took to create the universe for heaven’s sake. I think that the reason I’ve come home wordless is because the gathering was NOTHING like I had expected.

It was so much more.

I’ve been hanging out in church circles for many, many years, and I often think I have things figured out. When I envision gatherings that could be defined as “fellowship with believers” or a meeting to connect for spiritual development, I have preconceived expectations. I expect a Bible study or at the very least a DVD curriculum. I expect that there will be a “leader” who has prepared a lesson. I expect some sort of “worship experience” (whatever that means) that may or may not include flashing lights and a slide show. Basically, I expect it to fit my churchy script.

This was different. There wasn’t an agenda, there wasn’t a workbook full of fill-in-the-blank verses or fruit of the Spirit acrostics. There wasn’t a program. The “program” puts authenticity at risk. And I think that programmed authenticity is the reason that many of us are so skeptical of the word “authentic” anymore.

It’s hard to put into words what it was like to sit and talk with a room full of people who, despite differences, are hungry for God. And the differences were striking. Different races. Different genders. Different orientations. Straight couples. Same-sex couples. Celibate gay Christians. Those with conservative theology. Those with more liberal theology. And those who were unsure about any of it. What was amazing was that the conversation wasn’t focused on the differences. The conversation was focused on Jesus and how we all struggle to experience Him more.

I have some conservative friends who subscribe to the “love the sinner hate the sin” philosophy and are at best hesitant about what the Marin Foundation does. I have other friends who are gay Christians and disagree with them because they don’t take a strong stand rejecting the conservative idea that same-sex attraction equals sin. I wish that all of those friends had been with us that night.

In that tiny room in a hot church basement, I saw something that I have never seen in a church small group before. People were being honest and vulnerable with each other as they stripped away pretense and shared about their true struggles. I saw people inviting God into all of their dark places, places that have typically been top secret in other small groups I’ve been in. They talked about things that we typically consider impolite church conversation. People shared about sexuality, violence, prejudice, hiding their true identities in the Church, being asked to leave the Church, being burned by the Church, and being marginalized by Christians.

There were also stories of hope and faith. Stories of self-discovery and embracing the process. There were stories of confession and reconciliation that were equal parts tragic and joyful. It was the kind of true, raw discussion about God, life, and spirituality that I’ve never experienced in other, more programmed Christian gatherings. And I think that was what was so startling to me.

I went expecting to see what I have defined as ministry. Instead I saw the Church.

Do you think that “programed groups” takes away from or adds to ministry?

I saw this photo on the Children’s HopeChest Facebook page, and it changed something inside of me. I emailed a friend at the HopeChest office to find out what this photo was all about, and I learned that this is a glimpse into the everyday lives of these 5-year-old boys and girls.

This is their classroom.

170 kindergarteners in one sweltering room with one teacher and no books. All they have is a deep desire for more. More food, more education, more hope. 170 of them. Together.

I love this quote from Tom Davis’s book Fields of the Fatherless:

To look into the face of a suffering child is to see the depth of humanity and the heart of God.

This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night. It’s the kind of thing that makes me wish I had a magic wand that would instantly feed 170 bellies, produce 170 text books or shoes or clean clothes, and make 170 tiny hopes and dreams come true. I wish I had a magic wand that would instantly make the world a better place.

But I don’t. So I pray.

Tonight I pray for the fatherless.

If you could only do one thing to make the world a better place what would that one thing be?

Yesterday I posted the

I loved getting to know Justin. Hopefully you have too!

Reader Questions:

Randi asked: Is [homosexuality] something that one chooses or are they really born gay/lesbian? Is it something that they can repent of? Something they can turn away from?

I didn’t choose to be gay, and I would have done anything to not be gay. I don’t believe it’s a choice; the choice is in the response. You can choose to act on those feelings, or you can choose not to. The attractions are the temptations. Nobody chooses what they’re going to be tempted by. Asking people not to be attracted to the same sex is the same as asking them to never be tempted. Take a 16-year-old boy, for example. If he were attracted to a girl you would tell him that’s normal and appropriate, tell him not to act on it, and teach him to respond to it in a godly way. You’d never tell him that being attracted to a girl is a sin.

Randi also asked about homosexuality being a sin:

A lot of assumptions are made about being gay. One of the biggest assumptions is that being gay equals gay sex. It doesn’t. There are plenty of straight people who aren’t having sex. Then the debate becomes how you feel about committed relationships. That’s a debate even within our organization. I call it side A and side B. Gay Christians who are on side A believe that same-sex activity is OK only within a committed marriage relationship, and I mean marriage in the eyes of God, not on a piece of paper. Side B believes that same-sex activity is a sin, but recognize that they are gay and have chosen to live a life of celibacy. At GCN we accept people on both sides of this. We have people on both sides in our leadership. We live in the tension of that debate in our organization.

Will asked: I wonder if Justin would agree to a web or twitter debate on the LGBT and the biblical view of the Church on those issues? I would love the opportunity to share what I understand on the issue.

I’m happy to debate if that’s what it takes. Sometimes the debate is the only thing people want to do. A debate means that you assume what the other person knows or is going to say. The goal of a debate is to win, so you’re going to go in and attack those assumptions. On the other hand, having a discussion means that you have a goal to help somebody understand. Coming to an understanding about another person’s position doesn’t mean you have to accept it or that their opinion is equal to yours, but it does mean engaging in a conversation. While I will debate people, I would much rather have a discussion.

Kim asked: I wonder if this is a topic that Christians shy away from.

A lot of people aren’t having the conversation. A lot of people don’t want to have it. Others are wishy-washy on it. The fact is, there’s not a lot of conversation on this. We have a booklet on our website that lists that the church can do to engage in the conversation without letting go of conservative beliefs. The number one thing on that list is to speak lovingly and compassionately. When you do that you need to know that the gay audience you’re speaking to may be skeptical. Sometimes we’re like spiritual telemarketers. We’ll say all the nice things just to get you into the conversation so we can hit you over the head with our sales pitch. We need to do away with that and look more toward establishing relationship.

Mrs. Lasky (who mentioned that she was lead to Christ by a gay Christian) asked: What are you [Justin] doing with and for Christ?

I’m living every day as a fallen human being, and I struggle every day with living as Christ wants me to be. Everyone that works at GCN is committed to living in Christ and letting his light shine through us and all we do. Every day I remind myself that I’m the child of a King, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, I need to act like I am. That means living out the fruit of the Spirit and recognizing that I’m not there yet. I feel called to do the work that I’m doing.

Denise asked: How can we as the church not only build bridges in the LGBT community, but also mend them?

Listening is the most important thing. I can’t emphasize that enough. One of Stephen Covey’s seven habits is to seek to understand rather than to be understood. When you do that, you earn the right to speak into other people’s lives. In listening, be open to being in situations where gay people are. Be ready to engage in conversations with the gay community.

Do you think that gay and straight Christians can coexist within the body of Christ?

Part 1 of our interview will clue you in on who Justin is and what GCN does. Justin also answered readers’ questions, which I’ll post in Part 2 tomorrow. Enjoy!

Talking about gay Christians usually raises some emotions especially for the conservative, traditional church. What are the commonalities between you and the conservative church?

I love the conservative church! People make a lot of assumptions when you think of gay christians. One of the biggest assumption is that all gay Christians are theologically liberal. Some are, others aren’t. I often say that I have way more in common with my straight, conservative Christian friends in the church than I do with my gay friends who don’t have a belief or relationship with Jesus.

I’m comfortable in the conservative church. I grew up Southern Baptist and held all the Southern Baptist opinions and perspectives, and for the most part I still do. My heart is with the conservative church. When I was growing up, I was a Southern Baptist kid who carried a Bible in my backpack. In fact, one of the kids at school nicknamed me “God boy.” I would evangelize to the point of annoyance.

I held all the beliefs that the Southern Baptist church held on homosexuality. I believed it was a sin and that it was a matter of choice. I would tell people that the liberal media had normalized homosexuality to the point that it was causing sexual confusion, and that the church should take a loving but firm stance against it. I professed this so much that I was often accused of being homophobic.

Growing up, I considered myself straight, and I even dated girls. From the time I became sexually aware, I had noticed guys. These feelings scared me, and I prayed that I wouldn’t feel this way anymore. In fact, there was a time when I cried myself to sleep every night. At 18, it occurred to me that I might be gay, which was something I had never even considered before. Being gay was for other people. I thought I was a Christian, so I couldn’t be gay. I tried some ex-gay organizations, and none of them worked. Through that, I lost faith in those organizations, but I never lost my faith in Christ.

What is the Gay Christian Network?

GCN is an online community of over 15,000 LGBT and straight Christians, and a lot of parents who are looking to support a gay child. We offer support through our online community, podcasts, a documentary we were part of called, “Through my eyes,” church resources, and our annual conference.

Why did you feel the need to start GCN?

In my college years, I started writing online about my experiences. I started hearing from everybody: people who were experiencing the same thoughts and feelings that I was. Eventually my online journal became a website, and later I added a message board because I couldn’t handle all the email I was getting. That was the start of what eventually became GCN.

Check back tomorrow when Justin answers your questions.

What are your thoughts about gay Christians and organizations like GCN?

Dear Beth Moore,

I owe you an apology.

I’m sure you’re wondering why, since we’ve never been in the same room together. Well, let me tell you, Beth (I can call you Beth, right?)… I’ve been very critical of you. I’ve avoided any type of event at my church that your books were involved in. I’ve even gone as far as to ban you from the women’s small group study that I lead.

And then there was the time I challenged you to a cage match. I’m really sorry about that.

Anyway Beth, I’ve realized that I may have been unfair to you over the years. At least a little bit. You see, I’ve always thought of myself as an ultra-progressive, 21st-century, modern (dare I say post-modern) woman. And you, well, I think of you as more of an early-to-mid-20th-century, stay-at-home-and-bake-things type. That’s not a bad thing, really. Just…. different.

And even though A Heart Like His was one of the best bible studies I’ve ever done, I’ve discounted you. I’ve made you the poster child (with a middle aged lady’s haircut) for all the things I hate about women’s ministry. Things like ladies’ teas, all night scrapbook crops in church basements, and gathering together to pray in breathless whispers.

I’ve associated you with things I despise talking about at women’s church gatherings. Things like home sales parties, casserole recipes, and diaper genies.

But what I’ve realized, Beth, is that it’s not you. It’s me.

I long for so much more. More women’s groups that go beyond our feminine insecurities and the cliche of being more like the ladies from Fried Green Tomatoes (I probably owe Stasi Eldredge an apology, too). I long for women’s ministries that speak to the hearts of women who juggle home, children, husbands AND work while pursuing a deeper relationship with God.

I long for women’s ministry that is relevant.

But everywhere I look, I see you. And that’s not your fault. I wonder if the church has built you into someone you’re not. I wonder if you’re being asked to be all things to all women. And if that’s the case, it isn’t fair. We need more relevant women’s ministries in the church. And we, the 21st-century, modern women, need to step up.

Beth, there’s nothing at all wrong with what you do. In fact, a lot of it seems really good. We just need more.

Yours,
Nicole

Do you think the women’s (and men’s) ministry in your church is relevant to you? What changes would you like to see?

I think I broke at least half of the social media rules of etiquette. Repeatedly.

Sorry folks.

More than an apology I owe you all a huge thank you. I was half terrified that I’d lose all of my Facebook and Twitter friends yesterday due to my spammy behavior. Heck, I got sick of myself after awhile. But you hung in with me because you believed in my cause too.

Yesterday I set out to raise a few bucks for my favorite orphan care ministry, Children’s HopeChest and I asked you all to join me. Your response made me breathless.

My post about my story and HopeChest’s efforts in Moldova was the most viewed post in the history of my blog. And, I was able to guest post about it here:

Jesus Needs New PR (Thanks, Matthew!)

People of the Second Chance (Thanks, Mike!)

There were posts written (that I know of) by Tom Davis, Andy McMahon, and Brad Gross. AND the guys at Caffeinated Faith had me on their podcast (again).

In total our push to raise the funds to complete the renovation on a group counseling room for trafficked girls in Moldova was tweeted over 100 times. It was posted on Facebook walls over 40 times. And it had the most page views in a single day on my blog. Ever. Even more than that darn Mark Driscoll post… thank God.

In the end we were able to raise over $2,000 for Children’s HopeChest in a single day. Wow! And who said social media was stupid!?

All I can say is thank you. THANK YOU. Thank YOU. I am awed, honored, humbled, and amazed.

Now, what next? There are still $14,500 in renovations and new construction that needs to take place in order for all counseling services to be available. I’m going to keep my First Giving page open for a few months and revisit this project from time to time (on a smaller, less spam laden scale). My prayer is that the community that has developed around this little blog will continue to give and work toward meeting more of these building project needs. You can still give HERE or by using the link below.

The give away (read more here) is still going on for those who are still giving. The winner will be drawn and announced on May 25th.

Again, thank you so much! I love you all more than you know.

(Warning: This is a long one but there’s a give away at the end so keep reading :)

I was adopted from an orphanage in Saigon a week before South Vietnam fell to the communist regime. I’ve written about my adoption story here and here. And I have written about my birth mom here. In 1975 only 3,000 of the thousands of Vietnamese children living in orphanages were flown out. The rest remained in that war torn region destined to age out of the orphanage system, often into a life of crime, servitude, or the sex trade.

And today, many Moldovan girls are in a similar situation. In fact, Moldova has one of the highest rates of sex trafficking in the entire world. If you read Anne Jackson’s (Sex Cafe) or Tom Davis’s (Sex Traffickers and the Craziest Day Ever) posts from their recent trip to Moldova, you get an idea of just how awful this situation is.

On my birthday, I shared that Tom Davis’s organization, Children’s HopeChest, is my favorite orphan care ministry. I love what they do to care for orphans around the world. I am especially thrilled about the work that they are now doing in Moldova.

When Tom returned from Moldova he told me about a safe house where five girls that have been rescued from the trade are living. They’ve been rescued from a life where having sex for money was a daily obligation. A life where having sex while pregnant satisfied a fetish and commanded a higher rate. And now, thanks to Children’s HopeChest and their ministry partner Home for Hope, these girls are receiving housing, food, education, and pastoral care. These five girls are being given hope.

These five girls and their children.

So, here is where you come in… today I’m celebrating the 35th anniversary of my adoption. And today, in honor of my adoption anniversary, I’m giving back. I’m giving out of gratitude for what I have been given. I’m giving to honor those that were left behind. And I’m hoping that you will consider giving back with me.

Here’s the need: Children’s HopeChest and Home for Hope provide counseling services for girls rescued from the trade. These services are currently being limited due to physical building needs.

$1,000 will finish renovation on the group counseling area.

$14,500 will provide an addition onto the building that will serve as an individual counseling area.

Will you help stop the secret?

Donations can be given directly to this project here or by using the link below.

Thank you so much for helping this amazing organization. As a special thank you I will be giving away a signed copy of Tom’s book, Fields of the Fatherless, and a gift from Sephora to two winners.

Enter to win by giving a gift in any amount (even $1.00 will do) and leaving a comment below. You can enter a second time by tweeting a link to this post and leaving a comment letting me know that you did. You can enter a third time by adding this post to your Facebook wall and leaving a comment for that too. Two winners will be drawn from the comments on May 25th.

Then I complained to myself again (with curse words added) when I had to wait in the looooonnnnngggggg check-out line for this $207 bill. Blah.

And today I repented (or at the very least felt some very intense guilt) when I saw this picture on my friend Matthew’s (@jesusneedsnewpr) blog post. This week he is traveling on a World Vision blog trip to the Dominican Republic.

The caption read:

Wanna believe God? Witness four young Haitian refugees laugh, jump up and down, and dance for joy three-and-a-half months after losing everything in an earthquake.

This changed my perspective.

I can no longer complain that I am wealthy (by global standards) enough to shop in a supermarket.

I can no longer complain about the privilege and honor of providing for my children.

I can no longer complain about unsacrificially spending $200 on enough food to feed a small village for a month knowing that I’m only planning to feed 5 people for 2 weeks.

I can no longer complain about the chore of putting away my 82 items (did you catch that!?) in my home that has heat. And air conditioning. And bedrooms.

And I can no longer complain about not having what I want when I have the luxury to buy things like this:

$5.00 on water – as if we (unlike a large portion of the world) don’t have clean, running water from the tap.

$5.90 on Diet Coke.

$14.86 on frozen, processed foods (because we’re lazy).

$10.36 on cigarettes (talk to my husband).

Total: $$36.12 Enough to sponsor one of those beautiful girls through World Vision for one month.

I can no longer complain.

When was the last time you had something totally rock your perspective?

You can follow Matthew’s blog trip in the DR this week on his blog and find out more information on sponsoring a World Vision child for $35 per month on their website.

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