The Lord can change our plans in an instant.

Sara has been sick, very sick, for a long while, and while we knew that this day would eventually come, I think we had all hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t. At least not for a long time. I received the news that her condition had taken a serious turn about a week ago. It’s been a long week full of lots of tears and heartache for me. But I know that my weepiness and selfish longing for her is not what Sara would want. I hear her in my ear reminding me of God’s goodness, of our hope in heaven, of her peace, and the joy that she experiences every day. That’s our Sara, our consummate encourager.

My best effort to honor Sara in her last days is to try and do exactly what I know she would want me to do: Not focus on the loss of her passing, but rather sing praise and rejoice in the life that she has lived.

Through Sara’s friendship I have had the blessing of learning first hand what “a life lived well” is supposed to look like. I have seen pureness of spirit up close in person. I have been given the priceless gift of experiencing what we were created to be on earth displayed for me through the love of my dear friend.

I have seen humility.

I have seen grace.

I have seen kindness.

I have seen selflessness.

I have seen mercy.

I have seen patience.

I have seen trust.

I have seen forgiveness.

I have seen love. True love. 1 Corinthians 13 style love given freely to me and countless others.

Sara has taught me that living my life well isn’t about me. It’s not about what I do, or what I have, or who I know. Living life well is all about what we choose. Joy. Peace. Love.

Sara, thank you for all of the times you have held my heart, kept my secrets, and prayed over the hopes and dreams of me, my marriage, and my family. I love you more than you will ever know.

If you have a favorite Sara story or blog post of hers please leave it in the comments below so we can all reflect on her well lived life.

I’m putting my shells down now and will be back to blogging on Monday. Enjoy!

I try to avoid doing what I once heard Patsy Clairmont refer to as “bible bingo” (throwing open the bible for some random, out of context inspiration) but sometimes it happens. While it doesn’t usually work, a couple of days ago I played bingo in the book of Psalms. I’ve been feeling kind of icky and stressed and needed to hear a comforting, prophetic word and wasn’t sure what I should read. All I knew was that Psalms is always a good bet. BINGO! I landed on Psalm 20 and I have been reading it several times a day this week. It has been a blessing, an encouragement, and a strength. I thought you might need it too.

Psalm 20 (NIV)

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.

9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer us when we call!

I was thinking about the old versus the somewhat improved me, as I read through Luke 14:7-11. Verse 8 says, “ When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited.” When I first started counseling in my Coach heels I was taking the seat of honor. Not only had I gone to school to get the degree I had also lived through addiction and therefore thought I had all the knowledge and put myself in a position to dispense it. As I matured in my role I realized that I didn’t deserve the seat of honor and that I was NOT the most distinguished guest.

My second counseling job was working with families who had a child with a severe mental health diagnosis. This was a program through community mental health so many of our families were disadvantaged and had been beaten up by the system. Ours was an in-home program meaning we went into the clients house and did our sessions in their own environment. Sometimes that environment was a suburban home, other times it was a mobile home, occasionally it was a jail or psychiatric facility, and sometimes it was a motel room. I loved that job.

It was in those motel rooms, apartments, and psych wards that I truly experienced verse 11 for the first time in my life, “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” I never wore the Coach heels at this job and I never pretended that my education or my perceived status entitled me to a place of honor. I had learned from my Coach heel days that I didn’t know the first thing about other peoples lives or experiences. Instead of coming in as the “expert” I made an effort to go in as a servant. In the few years that I worked in that program I learned more about life, resilience, hope, faith, determination, and compassion than I could ever have learned in a college text book. I was humbled by the privilege to go into someone’s home, whatever kind of home that may be, each week and try to figure out the tough stuff of life with them. And I has honored and exalted for the opportunity to intimately know some of the most amazing people I will ever meet in my life.

By the way, while I think I am somewhat reformed I still wear Coach heels (I love them and am very short so cut a girl a break).

What have you learned through humble service? What comments do you have on Luke 14 or 15?

Tomorrow I will start reading Luke 16 and 17

In Luke 5:1-11 Jesus is speaking to the crowd and asks Simon to take him away from shore so he could teach from the boat. After he has completed his teaching he asks Simon to drop his nets into the deep water for a catch. Simon replies, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything [In my head that reads: Really God, you want me to do that again? I’ve tried that a million times and it hasn’t worked]. But because you say so, I will let down the nets” (v. 5). I love the obedience of this verse. Even though I’ve ‘been there, done that’ I will follow your command. I’ll confess that some of my prayers, especially those of the microwave variety, are: “God why do I have to keep doing this over and over. Do it my way. Now. Because I say so.” Sad isn’t it?

Here’s what really made me pause. When Simon obeys Jesus he is blessed beyond his imagination. Verses 6 and 7 read, “When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in another boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.” Amazing! Belief, obedience, blessing: a very un-microwaved approach.

I strive for that level of belief and obedience in my walk. I also strive to receive a blessing the way Simon demonstrated in verse 8: “When SImon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, ‘Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” What a humbling response. So, here’s confession number two: If my approach to prayer sometimes resembles a microwave, my response to an answered prayer often resembles a slot machine. I pray (Come on lucky sevens!) and sometimes I hit the jackpot. Response: “Yee-ha, Jackpot!” Insert next request and pull the lever again.

I pray for the humility to fall on my knees in desperation and longing whenever I approach Him in prayer, knowing that I may not get the response I want in my time. And that’s ok. I also pray that I will develop the level of spiritual humility to fall on my knees when prayers are answered, with total gratitude for my undeserved gifts.

*Looking for some aspiring crock pots to worship with in the Detroit area or would you like to hear a podcast of this message? Check out The Woods at www.nazarene.org/

Tomorrow I should be reading Luke 6 and 7 but I really want to comment on Luke 5:17-26. So, I guess this is now a 41 Day study :)

P.S. This has nothing to do with anything but I had to share. When I did a Google image search for a picture of a slot machine it returned this: The Jack Potty (actual name!) available at many fine retailers including Walmart and Sears (no, this is not a joke). This is wrong on so many levels I had to share it! Discuss…

Later, after I became a Christian, I saw Mary in a new light. Like so many women in scripture she has become an inspirational teacher to me. As a young mother I began to experience a Mary who looked more like this. A mom. That is someone I can most definitely relate to.

I have always loved the tenderness of Luke 2:19. “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” I can relate to this Mary because in my mind she looks like this.

I can remember being pregnant with our children. I remember counting the months as my body changed and the little one hidden inside me grew and moved. There has never in my life been time when I have felt more expectant or hopeful as I did over those nine months. And as my little ones began to grow and experience life, learn new things, and explore their world I have watched and guided them recording everything they have done, pondering it all in my heart. Imagine if the son that I was loving and parenting was the Son of Man. What kinds of hopes and dreams and fears does a mother ponder in her heart when the one her nation is depending on is in turn dependent on her? Amazing love indeed!

Luke says something similar in Luke 2:51 “Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart” (v. 51).  I love how this passage brings me right to the place where this young family is. Feeling anxious about their 12 year old son’s growing independence. Wondering who he would become in a few short years. Pondering his gifting. Experiencing pride over a young man who is honorable and obedient to his parents. I can identify with this Mary too. She looks like this.

A mom who is chasing after her boy hoping that if she catches him she might be able to keep him from growing up, at least for a little while longer. Treasuring every moment of his youth and storing it in her heart before it’s gone.

I’ve read Luke a thousand times. But today as I read through the familiar nativity story I added one more image to my Mary experience. The Mary of Luke 2:4-7 a young, teen age single mom on a long journey. I had my daughter, Jocelyn when I was 17. Despite the fact that it was hardly a virgin birth, I think I can relate. It’s scary having a child before you’re married, especially when it is not well received by those around you (as I’m sure it wasn’t in her time). Yet there is something undeniably exciting and joyful about having a baby despite the difficult circumstance. This Mary, despite her age and inexperience, expertly cares for her new baby wrapping him up in all of her hopes and dreams as she places him in a crowded manager. I can identify with this Mary too. She is me.

]]> http://www.nicolewick.com/2009/05/mary-and-me/feed/ 7 http://www.nicolewick.com/2009/05/intimate-betrayal/ http://www.nicolewick.com/2009/05/intimate-betrayal/#comments Sun, 24 May 2009 04:59:15 +0000 Nicole Wick http://nicolenwick.wordpress.com/?p=122

I’ve invited my husband, Jesse to write this post with me as the topic that I had in mind rang a lot of bells for both of us. I’m grateful that he accepted. This post is a merging of both of our thoughts and writing. Get ready, it’s a long one!

I (Nicole) have heard more Sunday morning messages about God taking on the form of man to identify with our humanness than I can count. I don’t know that I’ve ever truly believed them. There are lots of reasons for my disbelief most of them having to do with my insistence that it would be difficult for him to truly identify with my personal experiences as a woman and a wife. Reading Matthew 26 and 27 helped me to see how wrong I have been. Many of you have been praying for Jesse and I through the years as we have struggled with harsh truths in our marriage. Truths about our connectedness, purity, honesty, unconditionalness. How could a perfect God identify and connect with me, personally and empathetically, given the level of intimate betrayal I have experienced? Enter Judas Iscariot.

The first verse that really stood out to both of us was Matthew 26:23 “Jesus replied, ‘The one who dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me”. My Jesus, the God of the heavens and the earth, is a multidimensional God. He is more than the God who rides in on a cloud of glory. He is also the man who experienced the hurt that results from the most intimate betrayal in all of history. A betrayal that is signified by the very sign if intimacy itself – a kiss. He has experienced the betrayal of a friend and confidant who shared in the closest of traditions at one of the most personal moments of Jesus life – his last supper. And this God/Man can surely identify with the painful betrayals of my heart.

While I (Jesse) was reading I was thinking that Judas apparently didn’t really, deep down, know Jesus. He spent a lot of time with him, but we know that he had his hand in the till all along. At the last supper, right after Jesus has clearly stated that he knows he’s going to be betrayed Judas joins the others in saying, “Surely it is not I?” (26:25) It’s as if he thought he could somehow fool the Son of God. Which made me wonder, how well do I really know Him? Even though I’ve spent all of my life sitting in churches and Bible studies, do I think I can fool him too? Am I ready to abandon him when he wants to invite me into his Kingdom instead of delivering the goodies I’m expecting? Does that turn into a justification for sin, or at least for a lack of effort in pursuing a better relationship with him? After all, why bother with all this God business if he won’t do what I want? Reading about Judas leads me to ask myself some serious questions.

What stood out to me (Jesse) the most in this passage is that Judas represents the difference between remorse and repentance. Matt. 27:3 tells us that Judas “felt remorse.” Remorse to the point of death. Judas publicly acknowledged his sin and obviously felt awful about it. But he didn’t repent. I wondered as I read this: how many times have I felt just terrible about something I’ve done – and that was it? The fruit of remorse is, at best, an abiding sense of guilt, shame, and self pity. Repentance is something else again. A repentant Judas might have done something to show a real turning from sin, not just feel bad about it. This challenges me because for some reason, even though it feels terrible, remorse over my sins has been much easier than true repentance. Probably because it doesn’t require me to do anything except sit with my self-pity.

One of my (Nicole’s) favorite Over the Rhine songs is Poughkeepsie from the ‘Good Dog, Bad Dog’ album. The lyrics talk abou

t being “drunk on self pity, scorned all that’s been given me, I would drink from a bottle labeled Sure Defeat”. As I read Jesse’s reflections I think that’s the kind of hopelessness he’s writing about. The turn in the song comes when hope falls from the heavens allowing us to cast our worries to the sky. Grace.

So, here’s the hope of grace for us: I (Jesse) noticed that in the very midst of his betrayal, Jesus still calls Judas his “friend.” (26:50) That’s staggering. It tells me that Jesus isn’t writing anybody off, not even me. At the ultimate moment, he was still ready to embrace Judas as a “friend.” And it tells me (Nicole) that our God is the God of reconciliation. The restorer of even the most broken, deceitful relationships. He is a God who can undoubtedly identify with my hearts desire to experience renewed intimacy and recovery from betrayal. And so we both rejoice. What an amazing Savior!

Tomorrow I’ll be reading Luke 1-3.

I worked for a few years as part of a child and adolescent mental health treatment team. We worked with families who had a child with severe mental health issues which had resulted in multiple psychiatric hospitalizations. My role on the team was to work directly with parents of sick kids. This job was hands down the most challenging, rewarding, humbling, fulfilling job I have ever had. Everyday I would meet with parents who felt at the end of their rope. They were at their wits end trying to help their child who had lost control of his or her body and mind and were doing things to harm themselves. What a helpless and hopeless feeling. I was thinking about this experience as I read about the demon possessed boy in Matthew 17.

Matthew 17:14-16 “When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. ‘Lord have mercy on my son,’ he said, ‘He has seizers [lunacy in the NASB] and is suffering greatly. He often falls in the fire or the water. I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.”

It is not fun watching someone you love being tossed about in a mind altering, self harming, out of control experience. Unfortunately, this condition is so common that I think we can all relate, I know I can. In fact, sometimes the out of control person is me.

In the passage the father humbly approaches Jesus, on his knees, seeking mercy and compassion for his hurting boy. He tells Jesus that his child is suffering greatly from either seizures (NIV), lunacy (NASB), or both. Whatever the condition it is safe to say that the son was no longer in control of his mind, body or actions and that the father is sharing deeply in his son’s pain. Heartbreaking.

Then the father describes the suffering…He often falls in the fire or the water. This child is both burning himself and drowning. How many times have I been near something that I knew would burn me but felt an over powering, out of control desire to fall into fiery temptation despite the pain it would cause? Lots (Maybe some day I will share the 1992-1996 highlight reel with you…scary). How often have I found myself in deep, dark, overwhelming situations where I felt like I was uncontrollably sinking or drowning in indecision or bad decisions or heartache? How often have I found myself gasping for air in water over my head?

I have “fallen into the fire or the water” and needed to beg Jesus for his healing mercy to rescue me from myself many, many times.

So here’s the application. In verse 16 the father says that he brought the son to the disciples and they could not heal him. I will admit that when I am in serious fire and water type situations I frequently turn to other people or systems for healing or to help me regain control. These systems and people aren’t necessarily bad, in fact they are often very good. Things like support groups, therapists, praying friends, spiritual advisors, diet programs, concerned friends or family members. All of these are good resources for help or support but they are not the source of my healing. I need to start using these people and systems to avoid the fire and water hurts in my life and immediately go to Jesus FIRST, on my knees, if I happen to fall in.

The very handsome guy in the picture above is my 7 year old son Jacob. He is an amazing kid! He loves to go to church, and not just for the video games that he gets to play after the children’s service. He says he loves the God songs best. I melt every time I see him raise his little arms in worship.

One Sunday as we were leaving church I noticed that Jacob was being unusually quiet (he talks ALL THE TIME). When we got to the car I asked him what was up and he told me he was feeling sad because he didn’t have any more money for the shoe. What the heck? As it turns out the children’s worship class had been taking an offering every Sunday to support world missions and at each service the children put their offering in some sort of shoe (I’m assuming that the shoe has something to do with clothing people?) I had no idea they were giving to missions and I also had no idea that every Sunday my little guy was taking a coin out of his little piggy bank and giving it as his offering when he went to church. He had given it all away and was sad because he had no more to give. And, yes I cried (his dad did too.)

Remember the part where Jesus was talking about receiving the kingdom like a little child? Yea, this is what he was talking about.

Jacob does not get his propensity for sacrificial giving from me and I have a lot to learn from him. It is often difficult for me to give sacrificially and when I do it is often with a sigh while thinking about what could have been (mani/pedi, new shoes, have the deck fixed, new shoes.) With this in mind Matthew 8:28-34 really stuck with me today.

In this passage Jesus meets up with two demon possessed men who are so violent and offensive no one could go near them. These guys were clearly living on the fringes of society. The demons, afraid of Jesus’ power begged him to cast them into a heard of pigs that were feeding near by. When they were cast into the pigs the men were healed of their affliction and the entire heard of demonic pigs drown themselves in the lake. The men attending the pigs told of Jesus miracle (in Mark’s retelling he indicates that they reported “all about the swine”) and the ENTIRE town showed up and pleaded with Jesus to leave their land. Craziness.

My study bible suggests that the crowd of people weren’t really upset about the demonic men, they were unhappy because they lost a few hundred pigs. Makes sense. It’s often all about the money isn’t it? In this case even if the people were glad that the resident derelicts were now clothed, in their right minds, and no longer acting violently against them they were very unhappy that it had to happen at their expense.

Before I cast stones at these towns people I have to really examine myself. If Jesus showed up at my house tomorrow and said ”Look Nicole, I need to take all of your family’s wages for an entire year so I can bless and restore two homeless, drug addicted, spiritually possessed men at the Rescue Mission” would I be ok with it? That is essentially what Jesus did when he cast the demons into the herd and they were destroyed. The truth is I would be thrilled that the men received healing but I don’t know if I’d be thrilled about it happening on what I consider “my dime”.

So, my question for myself today is when will I really, truly begin to see my dime as God’s dime? His to give and His to ask me to give. I want to be strong enough in spirit to follow God’s command to surrender our herd of pigs to Him and His kingdom work. I want to celebrate the life giving, life restoring miracles of Jesus even if it costs me every pig that we own. I long for child like faith, faith like my son’s. I want to be able to hold my empty piggy bank and be sad, not because I have nothing, but because I have nothing left to give.

On this topic, if you haven’t read Francis Chan’s book ‘Crazy Love’ you should check it out. It will move you. Here’s the amazon link: http://tiny.cc/ugYuS

One more thing… Jacob, mommy loves you and is very, very, very proud of you!

]]> http://www.nicolewick.com/2009/05/sacrificing-my-herd-of-pigs/feed/ 0 http://www.nicolewick.com/2009/05/is-he-enough-for-me/ http://www.nicolewick.com/2009/05/is-he-enough-for-me/#comments Sun, 03 May 2009 03:01:14 +0000 Nicole Wick http://nicolenwick.wordpress.com/?p=46 I am a wired girl. I love my technology and aspire to be a tech-nerd when I grow up. During most waking hours I have one or more of the following items going; email (both work and personal), BlackBerry, laptop, Facebook, Twitter, iPod, this blog,  TV, DVR, phone, text…you get the picture. I love people and I love being connected to people. A lot.

Over Christmas we went on a family vacation and I forced myself to turn off everything but the cell phone for a week. I worked through the typical stages of the withdrawal process and was able to relax and keep my focus on my family. When I got back that Monday I had 287 emails (actual number) in my inbox so evidently I’m not the only one who likes to be connected.

With my obsessive need for all of my fun little tech bits in mind one verse from today’s chapters really drew me in:

Matthew 4:2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.

Can you imagine what it would do for us spiritually if we were to unplug for forty days and forty night and withdraw, alone, to a quite place. How would we change if we were hidden away with God and His word, with out distraction for 40 days allowing Him in to meet both our physical and spiritual needs?

My bet is that we would experience the kind of spiritual transformation that would give us the freedom to: trust God with out physical needs and circumstances (v. 4); surrender ourselves to Him with blind faith – the kind of faith that does not rely on tests, bribes or bargains (v. 7); and to submit our wills and ambitions to Him acknowledging Him as God over every aspect of our life (v. 10).

We have already determined that I can not fast on the world for forty days (Read post dated 05/01/09 for more on my shameful American Idol addiction). Which begs the question: is Jesus enough for me?

Most days he is but there are days when I feel like I need more of something…mostly more of Him. Today I am praying that I will know that He is more than enough for me and that I will trust Him to provide every need. I will look for opportunities to leave my ‘stuff’ behind and go into a secret place, alone with God, so I can can my fill of the the one, true connection that I really need.