I had no idea that teens in Michigan are more likely to be sold into sex slavery than die in a car crash. Here’s what a Change.org article had to say about it:

The high number of fatalities for teen drivers across America is incredibly concerning. But in Michigan, teens are actually significantly more likely to be trafficked into the commercial sex industry than killed in a car crash. That’s because child sex trafficking is growing at an alarming rate across the state.

In May [2010], 141 underage Michigan girls were forced into prostitution… And the victims, for the most part, aren’t smuggled in from foreign countries or even from other states. They are local girls, pimped by local pimps and bought by local men.

Then I saw the video below about two young girls from the Ukraine who were sold into slavery after being told that they were entering an exchange student program. Instead of participating in an educational exchange, they were forced to work 12-hour shifts at a strip club here in the Detroit area.

I mapped the distance from my house to the club and it was only 11 Miles.

Trafficking can be easy to ignore when it’s a thousand miles away or when girls are being bought and sold to men in foreign countries. It’s impossible to ignore when it’s only 11 miles away and girls are being bought and sold at your brother’s/coworker’s/neighbor’s bachelor party.

If you have seven minutes to spare, watch the video. I loved when Katya, the girl who was sold into slavery, says this about dancing in the strip club: “If I have a smile on my face, it doesn’t mean I’m here on my own will, it doesn’t mean that I appreciate this job and I want to be here, because I was kept.”

P.S. I’m facilitating a workshop at Idea Camp//Sex in Vegas. I would love to see you there. You can still register HERE.

Do you think we are generally unaware of the trafficking problem in the US? Do you know if trafficking is happening in your community? What can the church do about it?

This Sunday our pastor gave a sermon on spiritual gifts. He covered what they are, how we get them, and how important it is for each of us to use our gifts within the body of Christ. I’ve been thinking a lot about my gifting over the past few days. I think that most of us can identify which spiritual gifts we have. I’ve taken classes, have heard several teachings, and have taken a few inventories in order to figure it out, and many of you have too. But I don’t think we spend enough time thinking about the spiritual gifts we don’t have.

Due to my ministry affiliations, I get a lot of email from women who have marriages in crisis and are looking for advice. Regardless of the specifics, I always tell them these two things: Turn to God in prayer, and turn to a few other safe people (the Church) for relationship. Very few people like that advice. I think that’s because we really like to do things on our own. And we really aren’t too keen on relying on others.

Think about any message you’ve ever heard on spiritual gifting. I’m willing to wager that they were all focused on identifying your gifts so you can use them serving others both within the church body and in your larger community. If you are being asked to use our gifts to serve others, it stands to reason that others are being asked to use their gifts serving you.

Let me repeat that: The people you see every Sunday at church are being called to serve you. Will you let them?

The reality is that we were never, ever meant to live this life on our own. We were designed to live in community with other believers.

I think it’s important for us to learn what our gifts aren’t. That is where we will find our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. That is where we need others to draw alongside us if we are to live out His call in our lives. That is where we need to humble ourselves and not only allow others to see our imperfections but to serve us in them. God wants you to be served.

My primary spiritual gifts are exhortation, teaching, and leadership.

I am equally ungifted in other areas. I need people around me who are strong in the areas of adminstration (seriously, I’m a train wreck), discernment, faith, prayer, wisdom, and helps. I know that it would be very dangerous for me not to have people strong in these giftings speaking into my life on a regular basis.

And if any of you have the gift of miricales give me a call. I’d love you be your friend! ;)

How about you? Where are you gifted? Where are you ungifted?

Last week I spent some time in Boystown with my friend Andrew Marin and new friends Nathan and Kevin from the Marin Foundation. Wednesday night, I was invited to join them for a gathering that they call Living in the Tension and figured it would make a great blog post to close out my June series on LGBT Pride month.

I’ve been trying to write this post ever since.

It’s been nine days since we were with our friends in Chicago, and I still have no words. Nine days. Longer than it took to create the universe for heaven’s sake. I think that the reason I’ve come home wordless is because the gathering was NOTHING like I had expected.

It was so much more.

I’ve been hanging out in church circles for many, many years, and I often think I have things figured out. When I envision gatherings that could be defined as “fellowship with believers” or a meeting to connect for spiritual development, I have preconceived expectations. I expect a Bible study or at the very least a DVD curriculum. I expect that there will be a “leader” who has prepared a lesson. I expect some sort of “worship experience” (whatever that means) that may or may not include flashing lights and a slide show. Basically, I expect it to fit my churchy script.

This was different. There wasn’t an agenda, there wasn’t a workbook full of fill-in-the-blank verses or fruit of the Spirit acrostics. There wasn’t a program. The “program” puts authenticity at risk. And I think that programmed authenticity is the reason that many of us are so skeptical of the word “authentic” anymore.

It’s hard to put into words what it was like to sit and talk with a room full of people who, despite differences, are hungry for God. And the differences were striking. Different races. Different genders. Different orientations. Straight couples. Same-sex couples. Celibate gay Christians. Those with conservative theology. Those with more liberal theology. And those who were unsure about any of it. What was amazing was that the conversation wasn’t focused on the differences. The conversation was focused on Jesus and how we all struggle to experience Him more.

I have some conservative friends who subscribe to the “love the sinner hate the sin” philosophy and are at best hesitant about what the Marin Foundation does. I have other friends who are gay Christians and disagree with them because they don’t take a strong stand rejecting the conservative idea that same-sex attraction equals sin. I wish that all of those friends had been with us that night.

In that tiny room in a hot church basement, I saw something that I have never seen in a church small group before. People were being honest and vulnerable with each other as they stripped away pretense and shared about their true struggles. I saw people inviting God into all of their dark places, places that have typically been top secret in other small groups I’ve been in. They talked about things that we typically consider impolite church conversation. People shared about sexuality, violence, prejudice, hiding their true identities in the Church, being asked to leave the Church, being burned by the Church, and being marginalized by Christians.

There were also stories of hope and faith. Stories of self-discovery and embracing the process. There were stories of confession and reconciliation that were equal parts tragic and joyful. It was the kind of true, raw discussion about God, life, and spirituality that I’ve never experienced in other, more programmed Christian gatherings. And I think that was what was so startling to me.

I went expecting to see what I have defined as ministry. Instead I saw the Church.

Do you think that “programed groups” takes away from or adds to ministry?

Now, I’ll also say that I’m a bit biased. I’m coming off an amazing night (and an even better lunch) with Nathan, Kevin (also on staff at the foundation), and my friend Andrew. So I got to take a peek into Nathan’s heart – his heart for people and his heart for the Lord – and decided that this post is infinitely more important that I had originally imagined.

Nathan shared that the guy in the photo, a gay atheist, commented on his post and has been in an email exchange with the Marin Foundation ever since Sunday’s event. For as much as we (the straight, middle class, conservative church) like to say that we love everyone and are living in mission, I have to wonder if we are. This is relational; this is engaging.

But more on that tomorrow (Correction: In a few days… forgot about the fort building). I’ll post about my experience at the Living in the Tension event then. Until then….

I Hugged a Man in His Underwear. And I Am Proud.

By, Nathan Albert ( @nathanalbert )

Photo Credit: Michelle at maladjustedmedia.com

I hugged a man in his underwear. I think Jesus would have too.

I spent the day at Chicago’s Pride Parade. Some friends and I, with The Marin Foundation, wore shirts with “I’m Sorry” written on it. We had signs that said, “I’m sorry that Christians judge you,” “I’m sorry the way churches have treated you,” “I used to be a bible-banging homophobe, sorry.” We wanted to be an alternative Christian voice from the protestors that were there speaking hate into megaphones.

What I loved most about the day is when people “got it.” I loved watching people’s faces as they saw our shirts, read the signs, and looked back at us. Responses were incredible. Some people blew us kisses, some hugged us, some screamed thank you. A couple ladies walked up and said we were the best thing they had seen all day. I wish I had counted how many people hugged me. One guy in particular softly said, “Well, I forgive you.”

Watching people recognize our apology brought me to tears many times. It was reconciliation personified.

My favorite though was a gentleman who was dancing on a float. He was dressed solely in white underwear and had a pack of abs like no one else. As he was dancing on the float, he noticed us and jokingly yelled, “What are you sorry for? It’s pride!” I pointed to our signs and watched him read them.

Then it clicked.

Then he got it.

He stopped dancing. He looked at all of us standing there. A look of utter seriousness came across his face. And as the float passed us he jumped off of it and ran towards us. In all his sweaty beautiful abs of steal, he hugged me and whispered, “thank you.”

Before I had even let go, another guy ran up to me, kissed me on the cheek, and gave me the biggest bear hug ever. I almost had the wind knocked out of me; it was one of those hugs.

This is why I do what I do. This is why I will continue to do what I do. Reconciliation was personified.

I think a lot of people would stop at the whole “man in his underwear dancing” part. That seems to be the most controversial. It’s what makes the evening news. It’s the stereotype most people have in their minds about Pride.

Sadly, most Christians want to run from such a sight rather than engage it. Most Christian won’t even learn if that person dancing in his underwear has a name. Well, he does. His name is Tristan.

However, I think Jesus would have hugged him too. It’s exactly what I read throughout scripture: Jesus hanging out with people that religious people would flee from. Correlation between then and now? I think so.

Acceptance is one thing. Reconciliation is another. Sure at Pride, everyone is accepted (except perhaps the protestors). There are churches that say they accept all. There are business that say the accept everyone. But acceptance isn’t enough. Reconciliation is.

But there isn’t always reconciliation. And when there isn’t reconciliation, there isn’t full acceptance. Reconciliation is more painful; it’s more difficult. Reconciliation forces one to remember the wrongs committed and relive constant pain. Yet it’s more powerful and transformational because two parties that should not be together and have every right to hate one another come together for the good of one another, for forgiveness, reconciliation, unity.

What I saw and experienced at Pride 2010 was the beginning of reconciliation. It was in the shocked faces of gay men and women who did not ever think Christians would apologize to them.

What I saw and experienced at Pride 2010 was the personification of reconciliation. It was in the hugs and kisses I received, in the “thank you’s” and waves, in the smiles and kisses blown.

I hugged a man in his underwear. I hugged him tightly. And I am proud.

****

If you have opinions about The Marin Foundation do me a favor and save them for tomorrow’s post. But I would LOVE your opinion on this one…

Do you think the church owes the LGBTQ community an apology? Why or why not?

Words have power. When words are overused, or misused, they can lose their power.

Charles Manson (yes, the Helter Skelter guy) once said:

“You know, a long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody’s crazy.”

While I know that this guy is totally delusional, he has a point: too much of something can dilute it. And I think that happens sometimes in Christian circles. We create and overuse jargon that gets old, is often misused, and over time loses its potency.

“Fellowship” is one of those words to me. The church is the only place where I’ve ever heard “hanging out” referred to as “fellowship.” And while I’m sure that term was adopted to represent belonging and gathering together in community, over time it has become overused. Now when I hear someone suggest we enjoy some good “fellowship,” I think of mayonnaise-y casseroles and fruited jello molds. And my first inclination is to run away.

Sometimes I wonder if the word “missional” is falling into the overused category (and I sincerely hope it isn’t). It seems to me that being a Missional Church used to really mean something. Something big. Something new. Something Jesus-like. Nowadays it seems like everybody is missional. I hear that buzzword a lot. And it doesn’t always mean the same things anymore. Sometimes it does. Other times it only means that the pastor wears cool vintage t-shirts and boot cut jeans.

And my latest concern is about the word “accountability.” I recently wrote about it on my XXXChurch blog and have been considering the idea of it becoming tired and overused church jargon ever since.

“Accountability” is one of those words that should always mean something. It’s also one of those things that it is incredibly difficult to bring meaning to. Accountability is uncomfortable. It’s something that we naturally shy away from. In the XXXChurch post, I wrote that accountability means,

“that  you are willing to release control and submit to the process. It also means that you are willing to confront difficult situations and have the courage to say the right thing even when it hurts. And it means having the discipline and discernment to preserve the relationship during those difficult conversations by balancing the truth with love.”

True accountability isn’t easy. It asks that you give as much as you receive. And because accountability is tough (and risky), I think it might be losing some of its steam. I would hate to see accountability in the church become about workbooks, DVD studies, pickup basketball games, or weekly gatherings where 20 guys pretend that they all read chapter 4 of “Wild at Heart.”

I hope that we aren’t heading toward the day when “accountability” used to mean something.

What other churchy words have become overused or have lost some of their meaning?

What do you think accountability in the church should look like? Is it important?

I saw this video on the CNN Belief blog and thought I would share it because not only does it fit with the LGBT Pride Month/Church conversation I’ve been having on my blog, but it also raises an interesting question about faith, obedience, and tithing.

Here’s the gist: The woman featured in the video was a member of a Baptist church that released a vision statement in support of same-sex marriage and declared their intent to begin preforming same-sex marriage ceremonies. The woman had two responses:

First she decided to sue the church for a refund of her tithe since she believed they were acting outside of her biblical understanding of scripture on homosexuality. Then she dropped her lawsuit and left the church.

Now I have two questions for you…

Do you believe that you should have any say over how your tithe is spent, or is it an act of faith as much as it is obedience?

If you attend a conservative church, would you leave if they adopted a gay-affirming doctrine?

Yesterday I posted the

I loved getting to know Justin. Hopefully you have too!

Reader Questions:

Randi asked: Is [homosexuality] something that one chooses or are they really born gay/lesbian? Is it something that they can repent of? Something they can turn away from?

I didn’t choose to be gay, and I would have done anything to not be gay. I don’t believe it’s a choice; the choice is in the response. You can choose to act on those feelings, or you can choose not to. The attractions are the temptations. Nobody chooses what they’re going to be tempted by. Asking people not to be attracted to the same sex is the same as asking them to never be tempted. Take a 16-year-old boy, for example. If he were attracted to a girl you would tell him that’s normal and appropriate, tell him not to act on it, and teach him to respond to it in a godly way. You’d never tell him that being attracted to a girl is a sin.

Randi also asked about homosexuality being a sin:

A lot of assumptions are made about being gay. One of the biggest assumptions is that being gay equals gay sex. It doesn’t. There are plenty of straight people who aren’t having sex. Then the debate becomes how you feel about committed relationships. That’s a debate even within our organization. I call it side A and side B. Gay Christians who are on side A believe that same-sex activity is OK only within a committed marriage relationship, and I mean marriage in the eyes of God, not on a piece of paper. Side B believes that same-sex activity is a sin, but recognize that they are gay and have chosen to live a life of celibacy. At GCN we accept people on both sides of this. We have people on both sides in our leadership. We live in the tension of that debate in our organization.

Will asked: I wonder if Justin would agree to a web or twitter debate on the LGBT and the biblical view of the Church on those issues? I would love the opportunity to share what I understand on the issue.

I’m happy to debate if that’s what it takes. Sometimes the debate is the only thing people want to do. A debate means that you assume what the other person knows or is going to say. The goal of a debate is to win, so you’re going to go in and attack those assumptions. On the other hand, having a discussion means that you have a goal to help somebody understand. Coming to an understanding about another person’s position doesn’t mean you have to accept it or that their opinion is equal to yours, but it does mean engaging in a conversation. While I will debate people, I would much rather have a discussion.

Kim asked: I wonder if this is a topic that Christians shy away from.

A lot of people aren’t having the conversation. A lot of people don’t want to have it. Others are wishy-washy on it. The fact is, there’s not a lot of conversation on this. We have a booklet on our website that lists that the church can do to engage in the conversation without letting go of conservative beliefs. The number one thing on that list is to speak lovingly and compassionately. When you do that you need to know that the gay audience you’re speaking to may be skeptical. Sometimes we’re like spiritual telemarketers. We’ll say all the nice things just to get you into the conversation so we can hit you over the head with our sales pitch. We need to do away with that and look more toward establishing relationship.

Mrs. Lasky (who mentioned that she was lead to Christ by a gay Christian) asked: What are you [Justin] doing with and for Christ?

I’m living every day as a fallen human being, and I struggle every day with living as Christ wants me to be. Everyone that works at GCN is committed to living in Christ and letting his light shine through us and all we do. Every day I remind myself that I’m the child of a King, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, I need to act like I am. That means living out the fruit of the Spirit and recognizing that I’m not there yet. I feel called to do the work that I’m doing.

Denise asked: How can we as the church not only build bridges in the LGBT community, but also mend them?

Listening is the most important thing. I can’t emphasize that enough. One of Stephen Covey’s seven habits is to seek to understand rather than to be understood. When you do that, you earn the right to speak into other people’s lives. In listening, be open to being in situations where gay people are. Be ready to engage in conversations with the gay community.

Do you think that gay and straight Christians can coexist within the body of Christ?

Part 1 of our interview will clue you in on who Justin is and what GCN does. Justin also answered readers’ questions, which I’ll post in Part 2 tomorrow. Enjoy!

Talking about gay Christians usually raises some emotions especially for the conservative, traditional church. What are the commonalities between you and the conservative church?

I love the conservative church! People make a lot of assumptions when you think of gay christians. One of the biggest assumption is that all gay Christians are theologically liberal. Some are, others aren’t. I often say that I have way more in common with my straight, conservative Christian friends in the church than I do with my gay friends who don’t have a belief or relationship with Jesus.

I’m comfortable in the conservative church. I grew up Southern Baptist and held all the Southern Baptist opinions and perspectives, and for the most part I still do. My heart is with the conservative church. When I was growing up, I was a Southern Baptist kid who carried a Bible in my backpack. In fact, one of the kids at school nicknamed me “God boy.” I would evangelize to the point of annoyance.

I held all the beliefs that the Southern Baptist church held on homosexuality. I believed it was a sin and that it was a matter of choice. I would tell people that the liberal media had normalized homosexuality to the point that it was causing sexual confusion, and that the church should take a loving but firm stance against it. I professed this so much that I was often accused of being homophobic.

Growing up, I considered myself straight, and I even dated girls. From the time I became sexually aware, I had noticed guys. These feelings scared me, and I prayed that I wouldn’t feel this way anymore. In fact, there was a time when I cried myself to sleep every night. At 18, it occurred to me that I might be gay, which was something I had never even considered before. Being gay was for other people. I thought I was a Christian, so I couldn’t be gay. I tried some ex-gay organizations, and none of them worked. Through that, I lost faith in those organizations, but I never lost my faith in Christ.

What is the Gay Christian Network?

GCN is an online community of over 15,000 LGBT and straight Christians, and a lot of parents who are looking to support a gay child. We offer support through our online community, podcasts, a documentary we were part of called, “Through my eyes,” church resources, and our annual conference.

Why did you feel the need to start GCN?

In my college years, I started writing online about my experiences. I started hearing from everybody: people who were experiencing the same thoughts and feelings that I was. Eventually my online journal became a website, and later I added a message board because I couldn’t handle all the email I was getting. That was the start of what eventually became GCN.

Check back tomorrow when Justin answers your questions.

What are your thoughts about gay Christians and organizations like GCN?

Dear Beth Moore,

I owe you an apology.

I’m sure you’re wondering why, since we’ve never been in the same room together. Well, let me tell you, Beth (I can call you Beth, right?)… I’ve been very critical of you. I’ve avoided any type of event at my church that your books were involved in. I’ve even gone as far as to ban you from the women’s small group study that I lead.

And then there was the time I challenged you to a cage match. I’m really sorry about that.

Anyway Beth, I’ve realized that I may have been unfair to you over the years. At least a little bit. You see, I’ve always thought of myself as an ultra-progressive, 21st-century, modern (dare I say post-modern) woman. And you, well, I think of you as more of an early-to-mid-20th-century, stay-at-home-and-bake-things type. That’s not a bad thing, really. Just…. different.

And even though A Heart Like His was one of the best bible studies I’ve ever done, I’ve discounted you. I’ve made you the poster child (with a middle aged lady’s haircut) for all the things I hate about women’s ministry. Things like ladies’ teas, all night scrapbook crops in church basements, and gathering together to pray in breathless whispers.

I’ve associated you with things I despise talking about at women’s church gatherings. Things like home sales parties, casserole recipes, and diaper genies.

But what I’ve realized, Beth, is that it’s not you. It’s me.

I long for so much more. More women’s groups that go beyond our feminine insecurities and the cliche of being more like the ladies from Fried Green Tomatoes (I probably owe Stasi Eldredge an apology, too). I long for women’s ministries that speak to the hearts of women who juggle home, children, husbands AND work while pursuing a deeper relationship with God.

I long for women’s ministry that is relevant.

But everywhere I look, I see you. And that’s not your fault. I wonder if the church has built you into someone you’re not. I wonder if you’re being asked to be all things to all women. And if that’s the case, it isn’t fair. We need more relevant women’s ministries in the church. And we, the 21st-century, modern women, need to step up.

Beth, there’s nothing at all wrong with what you do. In fact, a lot of it seems really good. We just need more.

Yours,
Nicole

Do you think the women’s (and men’s) ministry in your church is relevant to you? What changes would you like to see?

And here’s your first opportunity to join the conversation…

On Sunday I’ll be interviewing Justin Lee, the President and Founder of The Gay Christian Network (GCN). We’ll be discussing a wide rage of things like faith in the gay community, gay theology, and creating better relationships between the LGBT community and the traditional, conservative church. I would love for you to be a part of our conversation.

Leave questions for Justin! I’ll ask them and post them next week.

Here’s a short video of Justin talking about his organization GCN.

What do you think of LGBT Pride Month and what questions do you have for Justin?