My friend Matthew posted about it. I thought his post was wonderful! If you missed it check out his post here.

But I had to post on it after seeing Focus on the Family’s Candi Cushman, who is quoted in the Citizen Link article, on CNN’s AC360 last week discussing the issue. In her interview she referred to LGBTQ youth as a “political subgroup,” and I almost lost it.

DISCLAIMER: Before I go any further I have to say that, as I previously learned when I posted this and this, it can be very unpopular to disagree with Focus. Let me remind everyone (especially my friend Esther who works for Focus ;) that I am a conservative, evangelical Christian and that I believe that FoF does tons of great work, especially around mental health, marriage restoration, and orphan care. However, I disagree with many of their political approaches. A lot.

I have a few (hopefully brief) things to say about this entire debate:

First, I still find it  hard to believe that this is an issue. Before you can say anything about the proposed legislation, I think that you need to actually read it. You can find the bill HERE. If you haven’t read it, you should (it’s super short). The legislation is about bullying, which all parties agree is an issue. The bill would require that schools have three things: specific policies against bullying, programs that teach students about bullying (not specific to sexuality), and training programs that assist school staff with appropriately handling bullying. Schools would also have to report on bullying incidents within their districts for statistical purposes.

The only time sexuality is mentioned in the bill is when bullying and harassment are defined as something that:

adversely affects the ability of one or more students to participate in or benefit from the school’s educational programs or activities by placing the student (or students) in reasonable fear of physical harm; and includes conduct that is based on a student’s actual or perceived race; color; national origin; sex; disability; sexual orientation; gender identity; or religion.

That’s it. Nothing about teaching kindergartners about sex. Nothing that promotes a “gay agenda,” whatever that is. Nothing that should freak anyone out.

Despite what I would refer to as some pretty straightforward legislation requiring schools to have an anti-bullying action plan, Focus continues to make statements such as, “The passage of the bill would likely open the door to teaching about homosexuality as early as kindergarten. And it would lay the foundation for codifying sexual orientation and gender identity as protected classes.”

And here is my chief complaint: every time I hear Focus discuss this issue they make accusations about those with differing opinions politicizing the school environment.

Really, Focus?

If anyone is politicizing the Safe Schools Improvement Act, it’s Focus on the Family. Not only by creating fear among their conservative constituency but also by referring to LGBTQ students as a “political subgroup.” I’ve yet to meet a gay person who has chosen to be gay for political reasons. Because you believe an individual’s sexual identity is sinful does not change the fact that it is his or her identity – not a political philosophy.

And here’s my final thought. Bullying is a very real issue. My son has been a victim of it. It’s awful. And as parents of an autistic child with unusual social issues, we have learned that bullying is very prevelant, it is much different than it was when we were kids, and it is very difficult for school administrators to manage.

The image above is a PostSecret confession that I think sums it up. Bullying LGBTQ students is bad. Telling students that they can’t call a peer a faggot is good.

What do you think of the Safe Schools Improvement Act and Focus on the Family’s stand? Have you read the bill? Is this biblical?

]]> http://www.nicolewick.com/2010/09/i-couldnt-resist/feed/ 39 http://www.nicolewick.com/2010/08/ungifted/ http://www.nicolewick.com/2010/08/ungifted/#comments Wed, 25 Aug 2010 01:56:51 +0000 Nicole http://www.nicolewick.com/?p=2950

This Sunday our pastor gave a sermon on spiritual gifts. He covered what they are, how we get them, and how important it is for each of us to use our gifts within the body of Christ. I’ve been thinking a lot about my gifting over the past few days. I think that most of us can identify which spiritual gifts we have. I’ve taken classes, have heard several teachings, and have taken a few inventories in order to figure it out, and many of you have too. But I don’t think we spend enough time thinking about the spiritual gifts we don’t have.

Due to my ministry affiliations, I get a lot of email from women who have marriages in crisis and are looking for advice. Regardless of the specifics, I always tell them these two things: Turn to God in prayer, and turn to a few other safe people (the Church) for relationship. Very few people like that advice. I think that’s because we really like to do things on our own. And we really aren’t too keen on relying on others.

Think about any message you’ve ever heard on spiritual gifting. I’m willing to wager that they were all focused on identifying your gifts so you can use them serving others both within the church body and in your larger community. If you are being asked to use our gifts to serve others, it stands to reason that others are being asked to use their gifts serving you.

Let me repeat that: The people you see every Sunday at church are being called to serve you. Will you let them?

The reality is that we were never, ever meant to live this life on our own. We were designed to live in community with other believers.

I think it’s important for us to learn what our gifts aren’t. That is where we will find our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. That is where we need others to draw alongside us if we are to live out His call in our lives. That is where we need to humble ourselves and not only allow others to see our imperfections but to serve us in them. God wants you to be served.

My primary spiritual gifts are exhortation, teaching, and leadership.

I am equally ungifted in other areas. I need people around me who are strong in the areas of adminstration (seriously, I’m a train wreck), discernment, faith, prayer, wisdom, and helps. I know that it would be very dangerous for me not to have people strong in these giftings speaking into my life on a regular basis.

And if any of you have the gift of miricales give me a call. I’d love you be your friend! ;)

How about you? Where are you gifted? Where are you ungifted?

I shared this earlier today on Twitter in response to a popular post on Jesus Needs New PR that features a video of Mark Driscoll giving his manly man = Godly man mantra:

@PastorMark irritates me. This is exactly why.

That tweet was followed by six or seven replies from others reminding me that Mark is my brother (I know, so is Jerry Falwell), that Mark effectively communicates the Gospel, and other assorted tweets about the awesomeness that is Mark Driscoll. Then I tweeted this:

Lesson from Twitter: Generally speaking it’s ok to disagree w/ Bell, ok to totally dislike Olsteen, NOT ok to have an issue w/Driscoll.

I think that assessment is fairly true. I’ve never pretended to be a fan of Mark Driscoll, and I doubt I ever will be. There are plenty of other high-profile pastors that I disagree with, like Joel Olsteen, yet no one runs to his defense or reminds me that he’s my brother (which he is, I think). Not to mention the fact that I have read countless blog posts and tweets warning against the evils of Rob Bell (whom I happen to love). Why is that?

Is it ok to only disagree with certain pastors? I even had someone once suggest that I should not disagree with any pastors… which is ridiculous, of course. My question is: what makes one pastor fair game and not another?

Do you think we’ve created Christian heroes and villains?

P.S. Jesse suggested that my photo header looked like some sort of twisted, modern day Hebrews 11 hall of fame. I love it!

]]> http://www.nicolewick.com/2010/07/heroes-and-villains/feed/ 48 http://www.nicolewick.com/2010/07/thanks-for-the-grub-yay-god/ http://www.nicolewick.com/2010/07/thanks-for-the-grub-yay-god/#comments Tue, 27 Jul 2010 02:26:36 +0000 Nicole http://www.nicolewick.com/?p=2827 The CNN religion blog is doing a survey about praying before meals. And of course, as soon as saying grace is mentioned I think of this crazy scene from Talladega Nights ( a movie that I have never seen, by the way). If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here it is in edited form for sensitive ears…

This brings up lots of questions for me… Do you pray before meals? Do you do it all the time, including in restaurants, or only when it feels right? Do you pray before all meals and snacks or only some? Why do you (or don’t you) say grace? Is Talladega Nights as stupid as it looks?

I’ll be honest, we have never been big on saying grace as a family. I’m not really sure why. I guess it has always felt a little stiff and scripted to me. I suppose we should do it more.

How about you, do you pray before meals?

Thank you!

Here’s the comment I left on his post:

Good, good, good, good post. There is something to be said for living in the struggle. It frustrates me that we focus on celebrating those who claim to no longer struggle. You know the stories: “I used to be an alcoholic but God released me and I have never wanted to drink again.” Those are the kinds of things I hear from “platform testimonies” all the time.
I’m not saying that those stories are bad. And they certainly glorify God, but the stories about living in the struggle glorify God, too. A lot.
There is something remarkable to be said for surrendering to the same struggle. Every. Single. Day. Over and over again, submitting to the process, and humbly accepting God’s grace.
Just for today.
While a healing miracle where God has totally delivered someone is amazing, it is also rare. We need to communicate to the church that it is ok to struggle. There is no shame in it. And that there is great power in inviting God into the dark place of your weakness on a daily basis.
There, now you have the Cliff’s Notes version of what I share when I speak (or at least part of it) ;)

Sometimes I get the feeling that we’ve worn out the term “authentic.” People accuse me of being authentic all the time. Why? Because I’ve given my story a voice. We all have stories. All of us. Why aren’t we all sharing them? Why aren’t we all being “authentic,” or honest, or real, or whatever?

I think the answer to that question is that, sadly, a vast majority of the Christian community still thinks that we need to strive toward perfection, or that at the very least we need to have achieved some sort of mastery over our issue (our addiction, broken marriage, wayward kid, or whatever) before we can give it a voice. We need to be on the other side before we can share our story.

If that’s the case, let me be the first to tell you that’s a bunch of crap.

And for anyone who has thought that my “authenticity” means that I have figured it out, let me reassure you that I am a hot, hot mess.

There’s a recovery slogan that I love: “progress not perfection.” Isn’t that what we should be striving for? Progress on this crazy journey. Progress toward a greater understanding of and relationship with God. Progress toward reconciliation with Christ and with people. Progress toward redemption through our salvation.

When did the expectation become perfection?

I should note that this isn’t just specific to recovery testimonies. I’ve sat through countless testimonies about how accepting Jesus turned someone’s life into a country and western song in reverse. Or about how someone started tithing and their financial worries were eliminated. Again, those stories are amazing, but sharing only those stories can create the expectation that those who have “arrived” no longer struggle.

The church needs more people willing to share their PRESENT tense stories. We need to remember that 99.9% of the time, God’s answer doesn’t take the form of an instant healing miracle (although I wish it would). More often than not, the process is the miracle. It’s about making progress, not achieving perfection. It’s about grace.

Are you striving toward progress or are you insisting on perfection? Are you sharing your present tense stories?

Before I was married, most of my close friends were guys and we hung out all the time. I had ZERO romantic interest in any of them… they were just my boys. I’ve always felt more comfortable around the guys. I like their conversation and company, and we tend to have similar interests.

There’s a line in To Kill a Mockingbird (my all time favorite book!) that I completely identify with. While having to sit through a ladies’ missionary circle meeting, Scout says, “Ladies in bunches always filled me with vague apprehension and a firm desire to be elsewhere.” I totally understand.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a fan of women’s gatherings, especially as they relate to the church or women’s ministry. I’m not big on ladies’ teas or scrapbook crops. And I’m certainly not interested in debating the merits of cloth versus disposable diapers (disposable, hands down, for the record).

A lot of what has been deemed “women’s interest” is often of little interest to me.

In the ten years that we have been married, I have obviously backed away from friendships with men and have tried to develop relationships with female friends. I should note that this has been a less than easy task for me. But as we spent the afternoon together in Chicago, I couldn’t help but feel like it was just like old times. And I loved it. I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed the time I spent hanging out with the guys.

I have grown to see the importance and value of close female relationships, and I have kept some of my guy friends, although our relationships and interactions have changed since I’ve been married. Jesse and I have talked about what is appropriate and inappropriate for us in terms of opposite sex friendships, but there aren’t any hard and fast rules. So I’m a little curious to see what type of contact you allow yourself to have with opposite sex friends… phone calls, Facebook, Twitter, lunch, coffee, dinner? Or nothing at all?

What do you think is appropriate for opposite-sex married Christian friends?

Anyhoo, the dialogue about being homemakers grew into a debate. A less than healthy debate for the body of Christ, at that. I made the decision to stay out of the debate while it was heated, but I firmly believe that continuing the discussion is not only important but necessary. I ran across the Salon.com article that I posted yesterday and an article in USA Today, and they had me thinking…

What if we were all homemakers?

Seriously, what would that look like? Women dominate important sectors of our workforce. Healthcare, education, social services, and the service industry, to name a few. Imagine if all women, or even all Christian women, decided to abandon their careers for homemaking. Now imagine the severe underemployment in jobs we depend on: nurses, home care workers, adoption workers, foster care workers, mental health professionals, teachers, dental hygienists, restaurant servers, office managers, sales clerks and cashiers – the list goes on and on. I can’t imagine it.

Before anyone makes an assumption that men would fill these important roles, let me share an example with you. I worked for several years in social services as a child and family mental health counselor. Several years were with a Christian private non-profit agency. I worked along side amazing women dedicated to children’s services. Foster care workers, adoption specialists, protective services workers, child sexual abuse specialists, therapists, and case workers. These were all amazing, highly skilled women – and yes, they were almost all women. Women dominate this field not only because they are more nurturing and naturally drawn to this type of work, but also because the average pay for these types of professions is desperately low. So low (US pay range for a Master’s level Social Worker is is $29, 000 to $40,000) that it is difficult to attract men into these fields.

So, if men wouldn’t fill the need due to a combination of job interest and compensation, and if all women believed that God required them to be at home, I think we’d be missing some very, very important and much needed professional, career women. And I can’t imagine that not having women serving in these roles would be God’s will, either. These are demanding, difficult jobs, and we need not only women in them, but Christian women. Where would we be without Christian adoption agencies or Christian counseling services?

You may say this is taking the argument to the extreme, and I suppose it is. But saying something is “God’s will” for a whole class of people makes it more or less extreme. You can’t pick and choose: either it’s God’s will or it isn’t. The minute you start making exceptions and designating situations where it’s OK for some women to work sometimes in some circumstances, you’ve crossed the line into legalism – you’re making your own rules. It would be a long stretch to pull anything out of scripture to justify a woman teaching junior high but not, say, managing a restaurant.

I have two questions for you, and the first one is just to satisfy my curiosity and get to know you better :)

What do you do for a living, and is your job one that is typically held by people of your gender?

What do you think the workforce would look like if all women decided to be homemakers?

Evidently not.

As I read through some of the comments on my friend Matthew’s working mom post, I thought it would be fun to post a little Cliff’s Notes-eqsue timeline of women’s history so we could all see just how far we’ve come. Enjoy!

A Very Brief Snap Shot of Women’s History

1848 – The first women’s rights convention is held in Seneca Falls, New York (I would have totally been there, by the way).

1869 – Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton form the National Woman Suffrage Association and organize to achieve voting rights for women.

1920 – Women in the United States get the right to vote.

1942 – “Rosie the Riveter” becomes an iconic symbol of a campaign to encourage to enter the work force during WWII and leads to the American female workforce growing to over 20 million women.

1964 – The Civil Rights act is passed, barring discrimination on the basis of race and sex.

1994 – Beth Moore founds Living Proof Ministries (What!? Beth Moore works out side of the home! Yes, she does. And yes, I only added this to make a point)

2010 – As evidenced by this blog post on Jesus Needs New PR, Christians are STILL debating whether women should work outside of the home. Oh, how far we’ve come… what year is this again?

The Suffragettes must be rolling in their graves.

Do you think it’s possible for a woman to be both a Christian and a feminist?

I saw this video on the CNN Belief blog and thought I would share it because not only does it fit with the LGBT Pride Month/Church conversation I’ve been having on my blog, but it also raises an interesting question about faith, obedience, and tithing.

Here’s the gist: The woman featured in the video was a member of a Baptist church that released a vision statement in support of same-sex marriage and declared their intent to begin preforming same-sex marriage ceremonies. The woman had two responses:

First she decided to sue the church for a refund of her tithe since she believed they were acting outside of her biblical understanding of scripture on homosexuality. Then she dropped her lawsuit and left the church.

Now I have two questions for you…

Do you believe that you should have any say over how your tithe is spent, or is it an act of faith as much as it is obedience?

If you attend a conservative church, would you leave if they adopted a gay-affirming doctrine?

And not surprisingly other people vehemently disagreed with me (and my husband). We were accused of living outside the will and order of God, not respecting or living under pastoral authority, I was overtly accused of being selfish, and my husband was covertly accused of not being a man.

A lot of the dispute and debate was centered around what it means to biblically provide for your family. And while that post was about Pastor Mark, this one is about my husband. Our provider and stay-at-home day.

Happy Father’s Day honey!

Jesse,

I don’t even know how to put our love for you into words. While I may not say it enough, I love you and appreciate you more than you know. Thank you for all that you do, even (especially?) for the mundane things that go unnoticed.

Thank you for being Jessica’s room day and taking the time EVERYDAY to work alongside her, create with her, and engage in her world.

Thank you for attending every single field trip, cub scout meeting, camping trip, and school meeting with Jacob to make sure that our special needs boy has fun and develops socially despite his limitations. I love that he is your priority and that you will give yourself to him so freely.

Thank you for loving Jocelyn like she is your own. You’re the only the father she knows, and the only father she wants. I couldn’t have picked a better dad for her and can’t believe how blessed we were to find you.

Thank you for supporting my career change. I love you because you are in tune to what I desire creatively, spiritually, and emotionally. You embrace my competitiveness, my drive, and my free spiritedness and encourage and nurture these things in me. You care for my soul, my heart, and my spirit in ways that go far beyond work, or paychecks, or bills.

Thank you for managing our daily routine (especially the bedtime routine!) and giving me the time I need each evening to process my stress filled days and have the time that I need to write.

Thank you for teaching yourself to cook and making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for us everyday. Thank you for doing all of the daily yucky stuff. The dishes and the dusting and the laundry. You provide a sense of order in our home that puts us all at peace.

And most importantly thank you for providing for us spiritually. For covering us in prayer, leading us, and modeling for our children what it looks like to serve others. The volunteer work you do every week at church, at the literacy center, and in their school speaks volumes into their little hearts. Your example is your testimony to them, and to me. And we are richly blessed by it.

I love you. xoxo

Nicole

What is the number one thing that dads/husbands should provide?