I Couldn’t Resist…
I was going to write a post about the gay/anti-bullying debate a few weeks ago when Focus on the Family posted this article on their Citizen Link website. I didn’t bother because I assumed that since I’ve previously come out as a pro-marriage equality, pro-adoption equality Lady Gaga fan you would all already know that I am for the Safe Schools Improvement Act. Enough said, right?
My friend Matthew posted about it. I thought his post was wonderful! If you missed it check out his post here.
But I had to post on it after seeing Focus on the Family’s Candi Cushman, who is quoted in the Citizen Link article, on CNN’s AC360 last week discussing the issue. In her interview she referred to LGBTQ youth as a “political subgroup,” and I almost lost it.
DISCLAIMER: Before I go any further I have to say that, as I previously learned when I posted this and this, it can be very unpopular to disagree with Focus. Let me remind everyone (especially my friend Esther who works for Focus ;) that I am a conservative, evangelical Christian and that I believe that FoF does tons of great work, especially around mental health, marriage restoration, and orphan care. However, I disagree with many of their political approaches. A lot.
I have a few (hopefully brief) things to say about this entire debate:
First, I still find it hard to believe that this is an issue. Before you can say anything about the proposed legislation, I think that you need to actually read it. You can find the bill HERE. If you haven’t read it, you should (it’s super short). The legislation is about bullying, which all parties agree is an issue. The bill would require that schools have three things: specific policies against bullying, programs that teach students about bullying (not specific to sexuality), and training programs that assist school staff with appropriately handling bullying. Schools would also have to report on bullying incidents within their districts for statistical purposes.
The only time sexuality is mentioned in the bill is when bullying and harassment are defined as something that:
adversely affects the ability of one or more students to participate in or benefit from the school’s educational programs or activities by placing the student (or students) in reasonable fear of physical harm; and includes conduct that is based on a student’s actual or perceived race; color; national origin; sex; disability; sexual orientation; gender identity; or religion.
That’s it. Nothing about teaching kindergartners about sex. Nothing that promotes a “gay agenda,” whatever that is. Nothing that should freak anyone out.
Despite what I would refer to as some pretty straightforward legislation requiring schools to have an anti-bullying action plan, Focus continues to make statements such as, “The passage of the bill would likely open the door to teaching about homosexuality as early as kindergarten. And it would lay the foundation for codifying sexual orientation and gender identity as protected classes.”
And here is my chief complaint: every time I hear Focus discuss this issue they make accusations about those with differing opinions politicizing the school environment.
Really, Focus?
If anyone is politicizing the Safe Schools Improvement Act, it’s Focus on the Family. Not only by creating fear among their conservative constituency but also by referring to LGBTQ students as a “political subgroup.” I’ve yet to meet a gay person who has chosen to be gay for political reasons. Because you believe an individual’s sexual identity is sinful does not change the fact that it is his or her identity – not a political philosophy.
And here’s my final thought. Bullying is a very real issue. My son has been a victim of it. It’s awful. And as parents of an autistic child with unusual social issues, we have learned that bullying is very prevelant, it is much different than it was when we were kids, and it is very difficult for school administrators to manage.
The image above is a PostSecret confession that I think sums it up. Bullying LGBTQ students is bad. Telling students that they can’t call a peer a faggot is good.
What do you think of the Safe Schools Improvement Act and Focus on the Family’s stand? Have you read the bill? Is this biblical?
I had not heard of it at all until this post. I agree that from what I read, there doesn’t seem to be anything partial to gay kids in there. Bullying is a huge problem in schools period.
Thanks for addressing this. Good points.
For the love of Pete, what a ridiculous “debate”! Really… should we or shouldn’t we do something about kids getting bullied? Hmm… I guess it depends on which kids are getting bullied?
Great article! Thanks for posting!
Nicole
I agree with you entirely.
And I believe there’s something a little bit biblical about treating people with dignity, about loving people, about loving our neighbors as ourselves.
What is more, I believe there are people who have used bullying to hide their own confusion about how to interact in a world with people of different sexual orientations… and they’ve taught their children the same thing.
I think the bill is needed. And i think that maybe maybe this will help us raise children who hate a little bit less because of it, in spite of their parents.
And I believe the sheer fact that sexual orientation has become such a big issue, is only a sign of how deeply broken the Church has become.
Oh– and i graduated from Bible College. Moody, as a matter of fact. And I believe it’s okay to love God and love people more than you love your own little world where you raise your children to think that everyone who isn’t just like you is evil.
I’m just saying.
Whew. I have such mixed feelings on this. Let me start by saying that my sister is the president of a major pro-family lobbying organization, tied indirectly to Focus. I disagree with her on some issues but overall I think she does good, important work. Recently she was asked to state that her organization is against bullying based on sexual orientation in schools. She said that they are, of course, against all bullying. I asked her why she refused to be specific. She explained that her opponents really just want to get her to say something, which they will then use out of context. She may be right, but it was disappointing to me. That’s why she’s in politics and I’m not.
I will say that just this morning I was directed to a Focus page via a good Christian blog I read, implying that the link was taking me to resources for talking with my young child about sex. The link went straight to a page about abstinence education, and listed what Focus says ‘comprehensive sex-ed” includes…it was bogus propaganda. Made me so mad.
That said, I have *seen* schools try to educated Kindergartners about same sex relationships…it pisses me off. Do I think that’s what this bill is about? No. Do I think some schools may be encouraged to do this more in the name of diversity education? Maybe.
I am in favor of the bill. I can’t believe people would call LBGT kids a political subgroup. But I do think there is a “gay agenda” of sorts. However this is an area I’m becoming far less inclined to “legislate morality” about.
Thanks Amy. Hope you’re well :)
I agree. I’d like to cut through the crap and just focus on stopping bullying.
I wondered the same thing for a second. Then again I’m cynical when it comes to this kind of stuff.
Excellent, excellent comment! Thank you for posting it.
I get mad about the same things. As for diversity education, my kid’s school is so bogged down trying to meet NCLB standards and a million other unfunded mandates that I’m not too worried about them teaching about diversity and sexuality. They don’t have the time.
As for abstinence only sex ed? Don’t get me started ;)
I would really love to get you started on this subject ;) What are your thoughts? Because I work for a pro-life pregnancy center that promotes abstinence only ut I personally think neither camp is really doing a good job.
Oh, heavens! I may have to make that it’s own post. It didn’t work for me, I had my daughter at 16.
Write a post sister :) I would love to chime in my “10 years of serving women in crisis pregnancy” thoughts :)
The bill is good. It is important. I’ve seen my sons suffer some bullying already and, given their sensitive natures, I expect it will get worse. I’m proud of them for saying, “Even if I WAS gay, it wouldn’t matter,” but I know it sucks for them to have to deal with that kind of teasing.
I think opposing this shows once again that FotF doesn’t REALLY love gay people. They like the idea of loving gay people, but when push comes to shove, their actions just don’t back that up. I much prefer the Phelps brand of straight up hatred than this back-door, “we hate what they do so much that we’re going to see everything as some kind of nefarious gay plot to destroy the world” bullcrap.
I do not trust Focus on the Family. Their slander, misinformation & false accusations against LGBT individuals, families & community hurts people. Deeply.
I’m probably blinded by my pain. I’m sure they do good. … I’m sure that Gov Wallace did a lot of good as a governor. But, history remembers him for “segregation now, segregation tomorrow and segregation forever.”
FOTF has torpedoed their good intentions, in my book, with their campaign against gays. I wish they’d take their resources and energy and point it in a more positive direction. There are plenty of people & situations that could use the help.
Meanwhile, they continue to hurt more kids and families with this latest round of misinformation and accusations.
Very interesting.
To be perfectly honest, and this stands away from your opinions nor does it reflect your thoughts (as to your disclaimer at the top) I think focus on the family continues to pull stunts like this in an effort to promote what they deem as right. Almost like they hold the way that people should think and act, and unfortunately that is all to true in regards to the way parents and “christian” conservatives act today.
When I was teaching jr high bible at a private school, I dealt with a lot of parents who often talked about focus on the family and how I needed to teach the students about how crazy and wrong Obama was (this was during the election) and that I should be teaching American principles surrounded by scripture (not even going to comment on that one). So in my mind, fotf is out of touch and representing a very small minority of thought and yet yelling the loudest at times.
What I find interesting is that they would neglect the representation of the ones who no one stands for. I am pretty sure that I see all throughout the gospel Jesus representing the ones that no one else saw, the ones that seemed to be the weakest, the down and out, and the neglected. Instead, the threat of marriage and sexual orientation is so important to Focus on the Family that they are willing to let that go. I cannot help but see the issue of bullying, and really we are seeing cyber bullying continue to rise in schools. Sexting is become a huge issue and I have heard stories of kids in gym being bullied all because they are different.
This is sad and unfortunately what gets lost in this argument is the kids who are being bullied and taken advantage of.
Wow, if the people at Moody heard you say this :) kidding
What I find interesting about your comment is what you said in regards to bullying is to hide their own confusion about how to interact with people who are different then them. What I also find interesting is how people use bullying to get an agenda across that is promoting peace and restoration in other areas. Kind of an oxymoron really.
I’m shocked, absolutely shocked. Everything I read and hear about the States these days has been disgusted and saddened these days. Great article, Nicole – I linked it up today. Thanks for having the guts.
“I’ve previously come out as a pro-marriage equality, pro-adoption equality Lady Gaga fan …”
“I am a conservative, evangelical Christian …”
Interesting.
Oh do I have a story. hmmmmmm. yup.
Can’t of course post it here, but boyyyy is it a story.
It makes me sad that kids are learning any kind of bullying. It comes from somewhere – kids don’t grow up in a vacuum – and most often it comes from home. Or being raised by the television. I feel like I was so fortunate to have grown up when I did (in the 70′s and 80′s) – we still had stuff to deal with, but NOTHING like what kids have to face today. It breaks my heart… no child should ever have to deal with bullying of any kind. Makes me sad that it happens…
So, how do you really feel about them? ;)
Thanks for the link Sarah!
Interesting? How so? You don’t believe that you can be both?
So sorry to hear that your son was bullied :(
I would have gone nuts if I worked at that school.
I think that this art of your comment is so important: “What I find interesting is that they would neglect the representation of the ones who no one stands for. I am pretty sure that I see all throughout the gospel Jesus representing the ones that no one else saw, the ones that seemed to be the weakest, the down and out, and the neglected. Instead, the threat of marriage and sexual orientation is so important to Focus on the Family that they are willing to let that go.”
ya… I get fired’ed if I mention it. DM me your email and I’ll tell you :)
ha- you know, I’m not usually so brusque. their advice to parents has been detrimental to my relationship with my mom. And, this latest thing is crappy too.
Nicole, appreciate the shout-out,
I am wondering if you heard what Candi said (in the interview) about how ALL kids, no matter who they are or how they identify, deserve to be protected from bullying? This is the reason we are even involved in this discussion as organization’s heartbeat is for children. We at Focus wholeheartedly believe that everyone is created in the image of God and deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.
That being said, we believe legislation and policies that highlight every single difference between children undermines this important principle and actually ends up hurting children in the end. We would rather bullying curriculum and policies focus on the fact that all bullying/taunting/mocking/insulting/name-calling is wrong, no matter what the motivation for this may be.
How is this a bad thing?
CitizenLink and Candi’s blog on DriveThru will detail instances of anti-bullying curriculum being used as an excuse to teach homosexuality lessons (a good example stems out of Alemeda, CA — the crux of that example is that, over parental objections, the school board decided to adopt anti-bullying policies that introduce kids to the idea of same-sex marriage starting as early as kindergarten. Parents were denied opting out of the lessons).
Nicole, I encourage you to study the people behind this movement and legislation. There is more to it than meets the eye. We do not believe it is the schools’ prerogative to undermine parental rights and teach children that same-sex marriage is OK (we are talking elementary school years here) when it violates the parent’s deeply held religious beliefs.
What we want at Focus on the Family, then, is to help safeguard children from bullying, while also preserving parents’ rights to raise their kids according to their sincerely, deeply held religious beliefs. We can only accomplish both goals by not focusing on every single possible sexual or gender difference that may or may not exist among kids, but rather on focusing on what unites kids: they’re all precious and of incalculable worth. They all deserve to be treated with respect.
Bullying, in every instance, is wrong.
…and I humbly submit this *should* include adults and organizations who may hold to different opinions, viewpoints as ourselves. It amazes me that some of your readers (and others) can agree with what you wrote… and in the next breath, call Focus on the Family harsh, untrue and hurtful words.
Thank you for dialogue.
Esther
Hey Esther! I’m glad you came and commented. I was beginning to wonder if the comments in this discussion would continue to be one sided. (Which is never fun. Or necessarily edifying.) Warning: This response may be long…
First, yes I did hear Candi correctly. And as I said in the post, all parties agree that bullying is a huge issue that must be addressed. I also understood her to say that ALL children should be protected from bullying. I’m very happy that she said that, and I agree with her 100%.
“We would rather bullying curriculum and policies focus on the fact that all bullying/taunting/mocking/insulting/name-calling is wrong, no matter what the motivation for this may be.” – I also agree. However, I do not believe that the language that specifies or defines bullying or harassment is inappropriate. I think it is important for children and teens to understand that ALL bullying is unacceptable. I think that it is especially important with regard to the specific issue of sexuality and gender identity because children, and especially teens, tend to call students (or things that they don’t like) “gay,” “queer” or “faggot.” That is not ok, and unfortunately, we need to very clearly communicate the fact that this type of name-calling is inappropriate.
Here is the part where you and I philosophically part ways: “CitizenLink and Candi’s blog on DriveThru will detail instances of anti-bullying curriculum being used as an excuse to teach homosexuality lessons (a good example stems out of Alemeda, CA — the crux of that example is that, over parental objections, the school board decided to adopt anti-bullying policies that introduce kids to the idea of same-sex marriage starting as early as kindergarten.”
I have no issue with that at all. Now, I am pro-marriage equality, so obviously we have a natural difference of opinion here. That said, even if I have the belief that same-sex marriage is inappropriate I have no issue with the schools depicting different types of families to children. It’s a reality in public schools. My children attend school with children who have families that are different from their family. Different races, different religions (they have several Muslim and Hindu students in class due to where we live), parents who are divorced, and peers who have two mommies or two daddies. Children understand far more then we give them credit for. If their classmate Johnny has two moms, they know it. And Johnny should have depictions in the classroom, library, and curriculum that represent his family. That is very important to his growth and development. And our children, even the conservative Christian ones, need to learn how to grow up and relate with all of these different types of people. I think that is critical to life and ultimately to ministry. I suspect that this is an area where we will have to agree to disagree.
If we choose to ignore that some children have same sex parents because we are sensitive about our own beliefs, where do we draw the line? Should we not celebrate the diversity of Jewish or Hindu classmates because they have different beliefs? I would hope that it would never come to that!
There is tons of research on why supporting an inclusive, diverse environment that is reflective of the community, school, and classroom is important to a child’s social and emotional growth.
The public school environment is just that – public. And I believe it is important to honor and respect all families that attend public school even if their reglious, social, or moral beliefs differ from ours. That said, I am sensitive to parents who do not want their children to be exposed (although I completely, 100% disagree). And I would suggest that perhaps public school may not be that parent’s best choice for their family.
My question for parents who have an issue with this content in the early elementary years would be, when is it ok to talk about issues of sexuality and sexual identity? Will they have that conversation about sexual orientation with their child at some point? My fear is that many, many conservative families (in my albeit limited experience and observation) never have that discussion and ignore the conversation.
As for harsh words toward Focus, I can’t comment on what motivated readers to leave the comments that they wrote. I can say that I have many friends, and many readers who identify as gay and Christian and/or ex-gay and Christian. I can also say that most of those friends have the perception that conservative organizations, especially Focus, have marginalized them. And they have been hurt themselves. Does that make saying hurtful things right? No. But I understand.
“our children, even the conservative Christian ones, need to learn how to grow up and relate with all of these different types of people. I think that is critical to life and ultimately to ministry.”
No matter which side of the coin you fall from a “belief” perspective, this comment of Nicole’s, THIS aspect of a child’s growth and development is essential to their long-term ability to create a healthy family of their own. It is estimated that in the next 10 years approximately 40% of our families will consist of gay-male and gay-female families with adopted children.
When we create systems that continue to teach those children that there is something inherently “less than” or “flawed” about their family system (a family system that these children did not “choose” but “inherited”)… When FOF offers a solution to every family system but theirs (FOF has help for addicts, adulterers… but they seem to neglect to realize that the gay-male or gay-female family – not by the choice of the child – is a reality of the child… FOF criticizes the family, but offers no tangible solution to the child)… what then occurs is that other children in the class hear the “lack of normalcy” of the gay-male or gay-female families… it creates division and separation in the class… it creates an environment that BREEDS bullying.
So THEN you have a situation where not only the parents have been bullied for being gay, but now the child is being bullied for the identity of the parents.
At this point, it is not about FOF defending their beliefs… it is about creating an environment to care for the child. Rhetoric defending beliefs cannot defend a child and often creates a worse environment for them.
Furthermore… when this type of environment is created, it sets the child up for self-esteem issues, questions about identity, and feelings that they are unworthy, unacceptable, and dysfunctional in some way (you think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not).
Then… you attempt to bring this child to the Cross (maybe as a youngster, or a teen, or an adult). BUT when all of the folks who model the cross of Christ have been telling them they will never measure up because they come from a sub-par, abnormal family… the picture of Christ you are giving them is a critical, divisive, perfectionistic God.
So I ask you… would you come to a Christ represented like that? FOF is called to create an environment that makes an impact for the Gospel of Jesus Christ – through the mechanism of family – but you are failing in this mission of making an impact if you are shattering the hearts of the kids that one day you might want to reach. Your short term company objectives are killing your long term Kingdom calling.
Those kids you are sacrificing for your beliefs? They are the kids that come from that family that you don’t agree with. The kids who may have a future in full-time ministry, or a calling to missions in Africa, or full-time seminary… but they will NEVER know what they COULD be, because all they have been told is that Christians who know what this “Christ thing” is all about are telling them that they are unacceptable in some way just because of the gay-male family they have come from….
THAT is what is flawed with the approach. You are shooting yourself in the foot with your ability to impact hearts… generationally speaking… just to fight for a “belief”
Is the heart of a child in desperate need of Christ worth sacrificing for a belief? I think Christ will ask, “How did you love them?” before He will ask “What did you believe?”
Dang, girl. I wonder who used more words, me or you? Seriously, I’m glad you commented from your unique perspective. I continue to be in awe of how beautifully you honor your gay father as you courageously share your story. Thank you.
The question really should be. Why does this HAVE to be legislature. You wanna know why bullying has gotten so bad? It’s because there is no parenting!
Think about this for a minute. What would happen when you were a kid, if you came home and told your folks, “Hey, I got in trouble today for calling a kid a faggot.”
I think for the MOST part, we would have gotten it. Whatever “It” was in your family. I’m sure just thinking about ‘It’ makes you shudder.
I grew up, most of my life being called a fag, queer, Hanson, whatever, mainly because I have a speech impedement, long hair, and I was fairly feminine due to growing up with two sisters and a mom. (And a step dad that was never home and a little brother). When it got to be an issue, I told teachers, and those kids (mostly) never said anything to me again. it’s because a phone call was all that needed to happen.
So, sure, we can push all day to get legislation passed. And then schools are gonna have a ‘process’. Ultimately it will not matter because parents don’t care.
how about instead we get to the root of the issue. How about we figure out why kids are bullying, offer classes, self-esteem classes, and get some parents to step up and do what they signed up for when they decided to pop a kid out. It’s not that hard. Disconnect/unplug , sit with your children, explain to them the real life ramifications of bullying and lay out consequences.
Yes, we can agree that all children should be protected from bullying. In an ideal world, that would be enough. We don’t live in an ideal world though and so we must face reality.
The reality is that when children are bullied because of their gender identity (real or perceived), gender presentation, and/or sexual orientation (real or perceived) the teachers’ and administrators’ response is all too often to ignore it or even suggest that it is helpful (ie “he needs to toughen up anyway”).
Legislation which specifies bullying on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity is stopping up holes which *already do exist* and therefor it makes schools safer for all children.
Well, If we could figure out how to make everyone parent their kids we would be able to eliminate a lot of problems.
I agree, my friend.
I completely agree with you Nicole. Beautifully written. Hopefully with people like you fighting the good fight people will learn to be more accepting of things they know nothing of…
Nicole, one of my very best friends declared his homosexuality right after high school, and it broke my heart. But i love him just the same as ever, perhaps more. Since then, i have struggled with people who “gay bash”. I don’t condone his sexuality, but homosexuality has a very human face for me. I would want him to be safe no matter what, and i think he deserves to be safe. Focus’s stance is not one of love for all. They are proving, by their actions, why this Act is a necessary things.
I totally agree.
This is another horrific example of why this legislation is needed: http://www.queerty.com/shock-gay-texas-13-year-old-asher-brown-shoots-himself-in-the-head-after-horrific-school-torment-20100928/
“As is growing increasingly typical, Asher’s mother and stepfather Amy and David Truong say they notified administrators at the Harris, Texas school about how their son was being taunted. They say it’s been a year and a half since they first alerted the school, but no action was taken. Calls to the school went unanswered. ”
The people working in schools are not protecting everyone. That needs to change. And if it doesn’t, there needs to be recourse.