Nathan Albert, Underpants, and God Stuff
If you’re an avid blog reader, the odds are that you saw a post this week by Nathan Albert, Director of Pastoral Care of the Marin Foundation, about his experience at Chicago’s Gay Pride parade. This post was retweeted and reposted A LOT. I debated whether I wanted to post it again (there is truth in there being too much of a good thing), but decided that I wanted to just in case someone missed it… it’s that good.
Now, I’ll also say that I’m a bit biased. I’m coming off an amazing night (and an even better lunch) with Nathan, Kevin (also on staff at the foundation), and my friend Andrew. So I got to take a peek into Nathan’s heart – his heart for people and his heart for the Lord – and decided that this post is infinitely more important that I had originally imagined.
Nathan shared that the guy in the photo, a gay atheist, commented on his post and has been in an email exchange with the Marin Foundation ever since Sunday’s event. For as much as we (the straight, middle class, conservative church) like to say that we love everyone and are living in mission, I have to wonder if we are. This is relational; this is engaging.
But more on that tomorrow (Correction: In a few days… forgot about the fort building). I’ll post about my experience at the Living in the Tension event then. Until then….
I Hugged a Man in His Underwear. And I Am Proud.
By, Nathan Albert ( @nathanalbert )
Photo Credit: Michelle at maladjustedmedia.com
I hugged a man in his underwear. I think Jesus would have too.
I spent the day at Chicago’s Pride Parade. Some friends and I, with The Marin Foundation, wore shirts with “I’m Sorry” written on it. We had signs that said, “I’m sorry that Christians judge you,” “I’m sorry the way churches have treated you,” “I used to be a bible-banging homophobe, sorry.” We wanted to be an alternative Christian voice from the protestors that were there speaking hate into megaphones.
What I loved most about the day is when people “got it.” I loved watching people’s faces as they saw our shirts, read the signs, and looked back at us. Responses were incredible. Some people blew us kisses, some hugged us, some screamed thank you. A couple ladies walked up and said we were the best thing they had seen all day. I wish I had counted how many people hugged me. One guy in particular softly said, “Well, I forgive you.”
Watching people recognize our apology brought me to tears many times. It was reconciliation personified.
My favorite though was a gentleman who was dancing on a float. He was dressed solely in white underwear and had a pack of abs like no one else. As he was dancing on the float, he noticed us and jokingly yelled, “What are you sorry for? It’s pride!” I pointed to our signs and watched him read them.
Then it clicked.
Then he got it.
He stopped dancing. He looked at all of us standing there. A look of utter seriousness came across his face. And as the float passed us he jumped off of it and ran towards us. In all his sweaty beautiful abs of steal, he hugged me and whispered, “thank you.”
Before I had even let go, another guy ran up to me, kissed me on the cheek, and gave me the biggest bear hug ever. I almost had the wind knocked out of me; it was one of those hugs.
This is why I do what I do. This is why I will continue to do what I do. Reconciliation was personified.
I think a lot of people would stop at the whole “man in his underwear dancing” part. That seems to be the most controversial. It’s what makes the evening news. It’s the stereotype most people have in their minds about Pride.
Sadly, most Christians want to run from such a sight rather than engage it. Most Christian won’t even learn if that person dancing in his underwear has a name. Well, he does. His name is Tristan.
However, I think Jesus would have hugged him too. It’s exactly what I read throughout scripture: Jesus hanging out with people that religious people would flee from. Correlation between then and now? I think so.
Acceptance is one thing. Reconciliation is another. Sure at Pride, everyone is accepted (except perhaps the protestors). There are churches that say they accept all. There are business that say the accept everyone. But acceptance isn’t enough. Reconciliation is.
But there isn’t always reconciliation. And when there isn’t reconciliation, there isn’t full acceptance. Reconciliation is more painful; it’s more difficult. Reconciliation forces one to remember the wrongs committed and relive constant pain. Yet it’s more powerful and transformational because two parties that should not be together and have every right to hate one another come together for the good of one another, for forgiveness, reconciliation, unity.
What I saw and experienced at Pride 2010 was the beginning of reconciliation. It was in the shocked faces of gay men and women who did not ever think Christians would apologize to them.
What I saw and experienced at Pride 2010 was the personification of reconciliation. It was in the hugs and kisses I received, in the “thank you’s” and waves, in the smiles and kisses blown.
I hugged a man in his underwear. I hugged him tightly. And I am proud.
****
If you have opinions about The Marin Foundation do me a favor and save them for tomorrow’s post. But I would LOVE your opinion on this one…
I think we do becuse there has been defenent bieos in the church towords them, but personaly at least the churches I have encountered to to apoligise to a lot of people, the women that came in in the only skirt they owned & was kicked out for it being to short & or for wearing make up, the men that came in becuse they felt a tug of God & was kicked out for not wearing a tie, or haveing a ear ring, to countless people that didn't fit the mold of what they thought was acssesible, I am stubbern & goal orinted but I was kicked out of 50 churches & nincly nudged out of 8 others, what were my awful crimes? not dressing in what they thought I should wear, being who they thought I should be, beleaveing exsacticly what they did, & generly not fitting the mold. so defintly yes I think they need to apoligise to the GLBT commuinty but I think they need to do a lot appoligising & I am counting my self in the frey becuse I have not always showed Jesus's love to the church either.
love love love love this!
Tough question. Why? LGBTQ stayed away from aka hid from the straight for so long that when LGBTQ finally did emerge into society it seems that the “church / christians” were to blame for not being accepted when all actuallality LGBTQ were the ones “in the closet”. I guess my point is — you are who you are & if you think you need to hide than maybe you feel offended.
Which goes along the same topic of our Bible study today: Want “glory”? Don't be offended easily; Want patience? Pray for wisdom (Ja 1:5). A lot different than the world's advice, huh? (Pro 19:11) ~BR
We (church) have always been there with OPEN doors… I've not yet seen any LGBTQ enter. I (church) have been there with open arms & have yet seen many LGBTQ come to me. And I KNOW there are many in this tiny town I live in.
WHY hide? WHY would you think the church owes you an apollogy when you don't come out & fellowship with the rest of the community.
~Joni — speaking from outside the box on the sideline — not for church & not for LGBTQ
btw = why do people call homosexuals “gay” when “gay” by definition means happy?
I don;t even know where to start… but it's all good. I have a feeling some other folks may have a comment about this…
I did too :)
Good thoughts.
Yes, but only after they've done the work to really understand it. When a person says to me “I am sorry for the way that the church has treated LGBTQ people” but doesn't demand their church have openly queer pastors, doesn't call out others on their language, won't state publicly that being gay is not a sin (or doesn't understand why such a statement is necessary), doesn't have deep relationship with multiple queer people, hasn't read any books by queer theologians, hasn't read any books on queer liberation… then it really strikes me as empty. If you say it like that, it might make you feel better but it's not going to do much for LGBTQ people's lives and safety.
Love with actions, apologize with repentance.
It depends entirely on what you think an apology is needed for…
So, it appears that you and I pretty much agree. It's easy for me as a straight married person to be in the conservative church with my more “liberal” (I hate that term) opinion and not get a ton of hassle. Here's my question for you, and I'm being serious – no hidden meanings: Do you think it's possible for the conservative church and gay affirming church to relationally coexist in service and Kingdom building even if they never agree on this issue? If so, what does that look like?
Just wanted to say hello :)
Bishop Gene Robinson (the first openly gay Episcopal Bishop) puts it like this:
Think of a church that says “we don't need to put in a ramp for disabled people because we have no disabled members”. Well, “D'uh!”
First, I don't think there is one church.
Christians are divded into factions upon factions. Conservative Christians ignore that there are lots of Christian groups that welcome GLBT folks, and expect from them the same standards as straights in terms of faithfulness and monogamy. (e.g., UCC, Episocopalian.) The conservatives don't own the term Christian–they share it. There are mainstream groups that walk in pride parades and welcome all, who have women and partnered GLBT clergy as well as men, and who walk the walk of real inclusiveness.
From the rest, though, the GLBT community too frequently hears rejection, lies, and ignorance. In the San Diego pride parade last year, a counterprotestor was outraged at seeing the Dean of the Episcopal Cathedral marching in his collar as part of the biggest contingent there. The protestor screamed “if your God doesn't hate, then you don't know God!” (Protestors have also disrupted services at the Cathedral because of its gay inclusiveness.)
Seems worthy of an apology to lots of people.
I would agree. Great quote by Gene Robinson, too. Thank you for sharing it!
Only a short comment Brian – tho I understand what you mean by we as individuals need to demand that the church allows LG Pastors but… (I know allows a but) … that would be hard in “our congregation when it starts with the Synod not even allowing Female Pastors as per some Bible verse! {Which Joyce Meyers covered on one of her shows regarding that same topic} My belief is a bit different than the Synods! (questions self: so why am I a member?) lol
I don't know if the church as a whole can apologize, but I do think there is something to say about engaging. My friend went (or talked to me about going-can't remember) to a gay pride parade and just handed out water. I think you are right about many Christians being afraid to go “there.” It is tragic. It's like the gay community is off limits – every other sinner is okay to dig in with, but not those prideful disgusting gays! I'm with you on this one. Hurts my heart.
An after-thought…
I don't think we muddle sin. We have to hold the line because even though Jesus dug in and loved, He held the line. Unless we don't trust His breathings into book, we must be willing to still call sin, sin. BUT, as Serena Woods says, love love love a person. You can't speak truth in love well if you don't love first.
I don't think the church as a whole has been very welcoming to the LGBT community. I can remember sitting in a new people's class at one of the churches I was working at, and hearing the pastor make some gay joke that was inappropriate. When I talked to him later he said “we don't have any of “those” people here. But I knew for a fact there was someone sitting right in front of him struggling with her sexuality that day. I know the whole issue is loaded and hard to deal with, but I always think healthy dialog is better that throwing out religious catch phrases. I think many people “hide” because they don't want to be rejected by friends and family. I spend a lot of time with kids who've grown up in a Christian home, and then when they come out to their parents, their parents completely reject them, practicing “tough love.” There has to be a better way than that.
I loved this story too. I've shared it with several of my gay friends and they were touched by it too.
The way you phrase the question posits that the “conservative church” and the “gay affirming church” are two distinct and possibly mutually exclusive entities. There are in fact “conservative churches” which are also “gay affirming.” They are only necessarily different when you define “conservative” to mean “anti-gay” … and that's problematic and untrue.
But can anti-queer and queer-affirming churches coexist in service and Kingdom building? They can certainly coexist, since obviously they both do exist! They can (and do) co-exist in service as well. In fact, I think relational service with “the other” is an important step toward reconciliation. We can “sweat away the walls” as we work side-by-side with folks of other races, from other countries, or with differing sexual orientations and gender identities.
Now here is the tough question: can anti-queer and queer-affirming churches coexist in Kingdom building? They can both build kingdoms but they are building different kingdoms. Speaking of theology of the gospel message, Jesus tells us to judge a tree by fruits. Anti-gay theology isolates people from their faith, their family and their communities; it destroys integrity when it forces an individual into the closet; it fosters shame and turns people inward; it inhibits the growth of healthy relationships; and it, unfortunately, often manifests itself through violence, against self and inflicted by others onto queer people. As truth creates justice, lives are released. Gay and straight alike are set free to experience faith, love, and healing in powerful ways. The good fruits of affirming theology are evident: reconciliation with family, friends, and community; return to faith; healthy relationships; holistic understanding of self; outward-focused productivity; and the list goes on. The beauty is that these fruits are not for queer people to feast on in isolation, but to share with heterosexuals.
This is not to say that anti-gay people and churches can't do good work or be good people–they can and are! It is rather to say the churches which do not include and affirm LGBTQ people are building a very specific community, one which mimics the systematic oppression present in our society; which denies people their rights; and which would see queer folks back in the closet or at least out of the church. That's not a kingdom we can co-build together.
I hear ya! And I find myself in a similar place sometimes too. Oppression is interconnected so we can't focus on just one “issue” even if we wanted to. Race, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity/presentation, class, nationality, immigration status, etc. etc.. I am queer but I'm also white, male, debt-free, self-employed, and a US citizen. That's a different experience from someone who is queer, gender non-conforming, poor, and underemployed. It's also different from someone who is straight, Black, and a womyn.
So let's unpack it all! Challenge policies which demean women (and the Gosepl, in the process), take a stand for the immigrants (hello, Leviticus!), be an agent for racial reconciliation, and remember that there are always queers among us.
That was a great response. Thank you!
Actually, I know this will probably sound weird to a lot of people, but I also think that liberal so-called affirming churches owe my community an apology too.
I've been part of the LGBTQ community for OMG 16 years now! :-) Wow, time zooms by…Anyway, I've seen this same problem over and over again.
The more conservative anti-queer churches want to “save us with Scripture” but want nothing to do with our actual lives. You know, things like doing committment ceremonies, celebrating anniversaries, doing hospital visits, and so on. With them, it seems like it's only our soul that matters, and nothing about our lives counts.
Across town, lets say, sits our “open and affirming” church. They stand with us and affirm the dignity of our lives for sure. Help us with milestones, etc. But I have yet to be part of/work with one that stops to think about and tend to any of the spiritual wounds we might have incurred dealing with the other type of church. It's as if, in their rush to not be seen as anything like anti-gay churches, they've decided it's best to not pick up a Bible at all.
So one church wants our sould but not our lives, the other seems to want to minister to our lives and not provide much spiritual growth opportunities. So, I'd have to say that a lot of affirming churches owe us an apology as well.
I had not even considered being denied hospital visits! Sometimes I feel so naive. That made me really sad to think about.