If We Were All Homemakers
A few weeks ago I posted my thoughts about women being homemakers and parents raising their daughters to be homemakers. While I was assured that this isn’t a salvation issue (thank goodness we agree on that), I got a clear read on how many women believe that managing a career and a home is out side of God’s will and order for women and families.
Anyhoo, the dialogue about being homemakers grew into a debate. A less than healthy debate for the body of Christ, at that. I made the decision to stay out of the debate while it was heated, but I firmly believe that continuing the discussion is not only important but necessary. I ran across the Salon.com article that I posted yesterday and an article in USA Today, and they had me thinking…
What if we were all homemakers?
Seriously, what would that look like? Women dominate important sectors of our workforce. Healthcare, education, social services, and the service industry, to name a few. Imagine if all women, or even all Christian women, decided to abandon their careers for homemaking. Now imagine the severe underemployment in jobs we depend on: nurses, home care workers, adoption workers, foster care workers, mental health professionals, teachers, dental hygienists, restaurant servers, office managers, sales clerks and cashiers – the list goes on and on. I can’t imagine it.
Before anyone makes an assumption that men would fill these important roles, let me share an example with you. I worked for several years in social services as a child and family mental health counselor. Several years were with a Christian private non-profit agency. I worked along side amazing women dedicated to children’s services. Foster care workers, adoption specialists, protective services workers, child sexual abuse specialists, therapists, and case workers. These were all amazing, highly skilled women – and yes, they were almost all women. Women dominate this field not only because they are more nurturing and naturally drawn to this type of work, but also because the average pay for these types of professions is desperately low. So low (US pay range for a Master’s level Social Worker is is $29, 000 to $40,000) that it is difficult to attract men into these fields.
So, if men wouldn’t fill the need due to a combination of job interest and compensation, and if all women believed that God required them to be at home, I think we’d be missing some very, very important and much needed professional, career women. And I can’t imagine that not having women serving in these roles would be God’s will, either. These are demanding, difficult jobs, and we need not only women in them, but Christian women. Where would we be without Christian adoption agencies or Christian counseling services?
You may say this is taking the argument to the extreme, and I suppose it is. But saying something is “God’s will” for a whole class of people makes it more or less extreme. You can’t pick and choose: either it’s God’s will or it isn’t. The minute you start making exceptions and designating situations where it’s OK for some women to work sometimes in some circumstances, you’ve crossed the line into legalism – you’re making your own rules. It would be a long stretch to pull anything out of scripture to justify a woman teaching junior high but not, say, managing a restaurant.
I have two questions for you, and the first one is just to satisfy my curiosity and get to know you better :)
I'm definitely doing woman's work. I'm a Patient Care Tech (fancy name for nurse's aide, or grunt worker) on the cardiac floor of our hospital. There are a few male nurses, but I have yet to meet a male PCT. The pay is minimal and requires nurturing care. Well, if you care anything about patient satisfaction, it does.
I cannot fathom a sudden withdrawal of women from the hospital. I love men, but the ones I know are not the most nurturing of creatures. I'll just say that our Press Ganey scores would go through the basement.
What an important job! It's sad that these are the underpaid professions. I don't think I've ever seen a male PCT either, by the way. Interesting…
I love to hear from a Patient Care Tech who cares about patient satisfaction. I am a nurse, and have tried to push for higher pay for PCTs, because their job is so important, and it's hard to keep anyone good in the position, as most who really care about their patients also need to make more money to live. So kudos! I also had known very few male PCTs (worked with only one in the hospital), but during my grandmother's recent hospitalization, me three male PCTs, who were all awesome. I was highly impressed by their level of caring and gentleness with my grandmother.
Also, on the blog topic–thanks for bringing out this point, Nicole. It consistently bothers me when Christians are inconsistent in things like this. Yes, they have a conviction that all women should stay home with their children (and that all women should be married and have children). But no, they don't want to send their daughter to a male gynecologist or midwife. That's a conviction, too. And they sure appreciate the nice lady who helps them out at the library. If the world can't function if everyone had your convictions, then please don't insist that your personal convictions are the only right way.
I'm I would completely strike out when it comes to traditional roles. I teach music privately … guitar, bass drums, etc. That is a world populated almost solely by young men. I also mentor kids. Before that I worked at churches and made less than half of what the guys made for basically doing the same work. Early on I did album cover photography and various kinds of media which was also extremely male dominated. For the last 10 years my husband has been unable to work, so I've also been the sole provider as well. Being a part of the Christian community has been interesting with my current life circumstances. People are often critical of my husband, and critical of me without understanding the medical issues he faces on a daily basis. Even though I spent several years in full time ministry, it's hard for me to participate in any kind of ministry in most churches because I can never make it to their “training” classes with my 70 plus hour workweek. It's hard to find a support network within the church because my life is so outside the box. I'm very fortunate to have some great supportive friends who do understand and really love me and my husband.
Thank you for your kind, supportive words. I appreciate it. :)
I could totally relate to pretty much everything you said. Thank you.
I could totally relate to pretty much everything you said. Thank you.
To your first question, I am a stay at home mom who is also a homeschooler. (don't be scared!)
To your second question, I think it would be a scary place. You are absolutely right about the need for women (particularly Christian ones) in the workplace and especially in those social service jobs.
To make the blanket statement that God's will for an entire gender is ______ seems beyond absurd for me. I think that God has a will and a plan for each person concerning their employment and it is different for every one of them. It only makes sense that that is true whether you are a man or a woman.
My husband currently works in a very labor intensive field and it is apparent to us that given his physical condition, he won't be able to do it forever. In the next few years we will be making major life changes and one of them will probably be me getting a job and him staying home and rocking the homeschool. When he mentioned something about this to his mother, her exact response was, “so you are going to sit at home on your butt all day and send your wife out to work for you” It was not a high point in their relationship.
I work in public relations, and it seems to be about 60/40 female. I'm sure I could find more accurate numbers if I looked, but that's my perception. However, I have worked – and hope to work in the future – for nonprofits, and that's DEFINITELY female-dominated for the reasons you stated in your post!
Well, since you asked a direct question about what we do for a living, I'll share. I'm the director of technology for a wastewater treatment equipment company. That means I oversee the design and application of our products, as well as the research and development of them. Thankfully I am able to do this three days a week from a home office…yay for the internet! Yes, the wastewater treatment industry I work in is completely male dominated. Engineering in general is. It's slowly changing though, and I think in a positive way. Women at a more human element to our industry and we are working hard at giving the very positive work we do to protect public health and the environment a better image in the world.
I totally agree with you about what the workforce would look like if we were all homemakers. I don't want to live in that kind of world.
I am a stay-at-home-mom, it is a decision my husband and i made before I son was even thought of. We will continue this way as long as we are able to pay our bills(and by bills I mean FOOD and SHELTER), even if that means that we have to go without in many other areas. We both grew up in families where our mothers were homemakers; and believe that it is best for mothers to stay home, I believe that God designed us to be the caregiver and nurturer.
However, I would never make a blanket statement that any woman who works outside of the home is out of Gods will. Peoples lives and circumstances change things and we need to have a close relationship to God so that we know what HIS will for OUR lives is. It is the same as single parenting. Yes, it is better for a child to grow up in a home with both parents present, but that is not always a possibility and I would never say that they are out of God's will if they are a single parent.
That being said, I think it is wrong for you to say that if women were homemakers there would be no one to fill those jobs that they have. That statement is taking power away from God. It is as if you are saying He could not take care of those people if women did “what they are supposed to do”.
We serve a MIGHTY God and if it IS His will for us to all be homemakers then HE will raise up mighty compassionate men to fill those positions.
I agree with you that it is wrong to say women who work are out of God's will; and yes, some women are called to something different. But if God wants for us to stay home then we best do it and trust Him to do what He does best, care for Us.
Too often mothers work just for the sake of having extra money, or because they have trouble with submitting to their husband as their authority, or other worldly reasons; if you are called to work I sure hope it is because GOD wants you to, not because you want to.
I agree. And something God calls us into different things during different seasons. I stayed home for over two years when Jake and Jess were tiny. Then I was called into counseling. Seasons changed. :)
I didn't know you work in PR. I always thought that field sounded interesting.
Hoe nice that you can work from home 3 days! I would love that.
My husband and I also had stay at home moms and see the value in having a parent at home. That is why he is a stay at home dad… something we certainly prayed about and followed God's leading.
I should add what I do right? I should have thought of that earlier :) So, if you were wondering here it is….
Like I said in the post, I began using my counseling degree after my little ones were born. I had been in business management (I was a retail district manager) before I was married and was single parenting. After Jacob and Jessica were born I stayed home for 2 and half years then entered into the counseling field. I was feeling called back to work plus, financially we were not making it on my husband's modest non-profit salary. When we were both working in the non-profit sector we were both making very modest salaries that really equaled one salary for most families of 5. Trust me, we weren't both working to live in the lap of luxury!
Jesse and I both value having a parent at home so when an opportunity came up for me to work in my old field (still multi-unit management, not retail) I jumped on it! Not only did it pay more than both our salaries combined but I was getting so burned out doing child sexual abuse treatment that I desperately needed a break from the mental health field.
Now I manage a team of 15 managers and over 200 hourly employees across the metro Detroit area. My management occupation has been male dominated, however I now work for a company in a female dominated field so I work with virtually all women. I love it.
What do you do for a living, and is your job one that is typically held by people of your gender?
I work in youth ministry full-time and offer part-time consulting to my church (and others) in graphic design and social media. The ministry aspect is male-dominated in general. You'll see a lot of female youth “directors” or children's “directors” but few PASTORS. I'm ready to be ordained, but I could in my current denomination if God's call was there.
As far as the tech world, I feel incredibly isolated as a female. I work on my campus during the school year with our residential networking support and I'm the only female on the team. I don't know of any women who run sound boards, work at software help desks, or are network administrators. For the longest time I wasn't even given the time of day as a woman who could hold her own in the tech world. It was painful and made me feel like less of a person.
Now I feel respected by the “good old boys” in the tech community. A lot of it has had to do with me speaking up and what I have done on my own and getting the chance to actually talk to those guys instead of offering to help them. When they notice that I can hold my own when talking about a tech subject, they respect me. I just wish that I didn't have to prove myself first, because it doesn't seem like the men have to.
Honestly, it pisses me off. But I'm trying not to harden my heart to it. I realize that this is just how a lot of people are raised and I can only hope that the next generation is more fair.
And if all women were homemakers? I would say that there wouldn't even be a workforce or any homes for them to make. I think that our society would collapse. Take away the working women of this nation and you won't have a nation. Same thing if you took away the men. We each play a very important role in society. Sometimes it's in the workforce and sometimes it's at home (or a combo of the two). But just blanketing all women and taking them out? Collapse.
It can be. Although my experience thus far has not been as glamorous as Hollywood makes the industry seem! :) Ideally, I'd like to do communications work for a non-profit, but that's not where I am right now (thank you, stupid economy). Someday…!
I worked in retail and restaurant management for 17 years. Made tons of money and was rarely ever home….just the way I liked it. Had a few years where my income exceeded 6 figures, but was always broke.
Today, I stay at home and go to school full time while my wife is an active duty Army soldier. I don't need to explain the difference in lifestyle, but my kids actually know my name. The first 3 years of my oldest boy's life, he didn't have a clue who I was.
No, men do not “typically” have my job. Especially in a military environment. I'm looked down on regularly….especially at church…..fitting, huh?
Personally, I don't care what ya do or how ya do it and you don't need to justify your doing it to me. You're all good in my book. I'm not the judge.
I am a counselor & play therapist in private practice (read: no money actually makes it to my pocket), and I teach Human Development classes at a local Christian college – both part time. I'm able to work hours when the dad is home; we only have bring a friend in to watch the kids for a few hours each week.
I really appreciate this post. It is a perspective that I really had not considered before. I'm pretty sure it was God's perfect, preferred will that we not sin, choose to love him, and all live happily ever after in the garden. Since that plan was derailed early on, he's been gracefully allowing humans to choose to love him and live life in a myriad of ways (judges? kings? circumcised?…). With the plethora of choices afforded us in this nation, comes great responsibility. I subscribe that we be thankful for the first and mindful of the latter.
Basic economics would say that if you decreased the supply of workers competing for jobs in the workforce, pay would increase, so it's incorrect to assume in your scenario that the average pay for the jobs that women gave up would remain the same.
I work full time outside the home as an editor currently and have previously been a stay-at-home homeschooling mom and a work-at-home/freelancing mom. There are pros and cons and advantages and disadvantages for all of those decisions.
I do wish that society would have more appreciation for the unpaid work and contribution to society that homemakers make. It's ironic that it's considered a career and an important contribution to society to work for pay in some of the same roles that stay-at-home moms do without pay every day. Is it truly more important or beneficial for a woman to provide child care and early education to someone else's children rather than her own?
I disagree with your economic philosophy in this instance. Why that may be a principle for the free market, it wouldn't apply to non-profit/social service/government (including teaching) jobs as they are supported by private donations and/or government funding. I don't see either of those funding sources increase.
Yay! A counselor/play therapist!? You're speaking my language :) See my comment about what I do for a living :)
I'm all for stay-at-home dads :) Can;t wait to meet you when you move state side by the way!
I agree with all of your last paragraph.
I am a stay at home mom of a 4-year old boy and a two-year old girl. I went back to work at my part-time job after my son was born. I stopped working before my second was born because she has health issues that I knew would necessitate my being home, and God was making it abundantly clear in other ways that it was time for me to move on.
I worked for a pregnancy resource center in several different capacities. The center has been serving the community for over 25 years, and in that time there have only ever been 4 male employees, and all of those were in the last 5 years. All of the positions, with the exception of director, are part-time. So not only does the pay and lack of benefits cut out men, it also cuts out single women who are solely responsible for supporting themselves (and children, if they are moms). So the only women who can “afford” to keep a very important and necessary ministry going are married women whose husbands make enough money to support the family, and all but two of my fellow co-workers had children at home.
So your points about who is doing the work are well founded. I could get into a rant about how stingy Christians are with giving money to support the workers in the field, but I know this post isn't about that. But my guess would be that most of the people screaming about how women should be staying at home are also the ones who think that voting pro-life is the only thing that matters come election time. But God forbid they should put their money where their mouth is.
At the same time, I do think it is very important for women who have children to pray diligently about who should be raising them. Our children are only home with us for a short time in the grand scheme, and I do believe that they are profoundly shaped by the people they spend the most time with when they are young, especially between the ages of 2 and 10.
I really believe that those of us who are called by His name have to be careful that we don't do things just because our culture says it's okay, and in the same sense, we shouldn't do another thing just because that's what's popular within the American church. We have to be deliberate in praying and asking God to show us where He wants us to be during the seasons of our lives. If you can say that your decision to go to work after having children is supported by prayer, scripture, the leading of the Holy Spirit, the counsel of trusted and wise leaders/mentors and you and your family have a complete peace about it, then do it sister. But I do worry when we as women are wooed by the lie that our children will be happier if we are happy and “fulfilled” by a career.
And to answer your last question, I think the workforce would be very lacking and our country would probably grind to a halt if all women were homemakers.
And I am sick to death of all the bickering among Christian women over this topic. God hates it. Satan loves it. So stop it, please!
I loved this comment! The low salary among non-profit workers makes me so sad. :(
I work at home full-time as the mother of my children and wife of my husband (no matter what we do outside the home, all married women are full-time wives and all moms are full-time moms). I also work part-time at our children's hospital as a facilitator of groups of parent advisors to the hospital staff and a representative of parent perspectives to senior hospital leaders and board members. These positions are typically held by women, but some hospitals have men leading these groups.
I think you're exactly right about all women returning home. We'd have huge gaps, and women who have incredible gifts to share with their communities would not be sharing those gifts any longer.
I am an elementary teacher, so definitely female-dominated. If all the women decided to be stay at home moms, my school would have exactly 3 employees – 2 teachers, and 1 custodian. All K-3 students would be out of luck, because neither teacher is certified for those grades! LOL
My kid's school would look the exact same way :)
Your hospital job sounds really interesting!
What I do for a living: I am the IT Director for a third party logistics company. I am working to transition to the field of photography full time. Shameless self promotion here: http://www.carusophotography.com/
The IT field is still largely dominated by men, but there are a lot more women working in this field than there was 10 years ago.
The workforce would be pretty scary if it were all dudes. I wouldn't want to eat at Hooters.
Hahahaha!!!! Too funny. Thanks for linking your site. You do amazing work! I enjoyed looking through it :)
I work “all the time” as a wife, mom, and as an adoption consultant. I only get paid for the adoption consultant part. I work with adoptive couples to provide support, guidance and education about the domestic adoption experience, and I lead them through the entire process. I work in and out of the house. I answer my phone almost 24/7 because of the nature of my work. I answer email within minutes, sometimes hours. I love working. I love my job. AND I LOVE MY KIDS.
My husband who is currently in full time ministry is considering cutting his hours back so that I can “soar” as he put it. He is feeling like it may be a season for him to pick up more at home so I can focus on what he sees as a job that I was born to have. He said to me the other day, “Trac, you're my calling.”
I currently have some at home help with our kiddos, and it sure is easier when school is in session, but I work really hard during nap time, when they are sleeping, and everywhere inbetween. We're in the process of juggling life and our schedules to make it work better for all of us and so that I can be the best mom possible and do what I love to do.
I am a better mom because I work.
I've been at stay at home mom for about 9 years and when my first daughter was born it was our plan for me to be home long term and even homeschool. But as God took me through a huge season of personal healing over my own past I began to feel a pull to return to school. (And along the way so much changed for me.) I just completed my Masters degree in professional counseling in May. I've taken the summer off because the last 3 1/2 years in school have been difficult and I needed some rest. It has been wonderful to totally focus on my family without the pressure of papers, reading text books, and internship hours. While it has been great I am excited for the next step. I have had moments of questioning our decision – but that usually comes up when I feel judged by someone doing life differently. When I am sitting with a client as they trust me with their story I have a great peace about my decision to “work”. My husband and I are truly a team and his support and ability to have flexible work hours/working some from home have made it all work really well. We also have amazing family around that pour their lives into our kids. I am hoping to work part time in the fall as my girls enter 2nd and 3rd grade at their amazing public school full of amazing teateaching moms.
ps – your blog/voice has given me more confidence in who I am as a working mom/woman. Thank you! :)
I currently work full-time for a non-profit as a writer/editor. I also work on a lot of our social media strategy/content generation.
While I agree that everyone should be free to make their own choices, I don't agree with the argument that there would be no one to fill in those jobs if women stayed home. For a large part of our nation's history, men dominated the workforce. The country continued on. The economy did not crash because women were at home. And for today, there are many women who do not have children who could still choose to pursue lifelong, successful, dynamic careers outside the home.
I prefer to ask the question, what would it look like if more women made the courageous choice to stay home and make that their career? What affect would that have on children? On husbands?
Thank you for this post. I respect your perspective and appreciate the conversation on this very important topic.
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:3-5
I love your husband. I love the way he cares for your dreams. And I think your job is so tremendously important. Bless you.
I love hearing from so many other counselors! And thank you for your kind words about my blog. Your comment made my day :)
RE: women without children working, the posts I was referring to (and linked) above were referring to raising homemakers and stay at home daughters who would not work out of the home.
I am an English as a Second Language teacher. I've taught in the US and now abroad. I've taught with men and women, but most of the men were single. It's not a high paying field.
What an odd world it would be if only men worked. It boggles the mind to even think of it. If my dentist, my doctor, my bus driver, my language teacher's, my daughter's teacher's were all men, what kind of world would that be?
It's funny to me that this seems to be such a black and white issue for Christians. Does it need to be either/or? Can we not work part time, full time, flex time, and still be faithful to the call of God to prioritize our families. Our children become who they are partly based on who we are, not necessarily whether we work or not.