The “S” Word
Yesterday we had a great conversation about women’s roles which got me thinking about submission. That’s right… the “S” word. Which is certainly considered a four-letter word in some people’s vocabulary. Jesse (my hot husband) and I were discussing what it means for us and for our marriage (yes, we both believe in biblical submission), so I thought I’d share his thoughts and mine, then ask for yours.
I know that there is more than one verse on submission, but this is only a blog post, not a MDiv thesis, so I’m only citing Ephesians 5:22-24 because that is the verse that he and I happened to be discussing.
“(22)Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (23)For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior. (24)Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Jesse said: Jesus is the Savior because he gave himself up on the cross. That’s why can we trust Jesus completely. He loves us enough to die for us, and we can be sure he would never harm us or do anything with us out of selfishness. He is head of the church because he died to serve it.
Biblical submission is a relationship like the one that we have with Christ and like He has with the church. It’s a relationship of trust and of obedience. Obedience doesn’t mean slavery or following orders. Obedience means following your husband in his role as servant-leader and trusting his decisions for your family.
Wives aren’t asked to submit to arbitrary authority; they are asked to submit to sacrificial love.
I think: First of all, I totally love my husband. Who wouldn’t want to devote themselves to someone who wants to serve me out of his passion to sacrificially love me and our children the way Christ loved the church? That is sexy, people.
Aside from being gaga for my husband, I truly believe that God has called me into a relationship of mutual submission with my husband. And I freely give myself to him out of obedience (gasp!) and love.
Given all of the things that I had said about my fierce independence and our working mom/stay at home dad relationship, I can see how it would be easy for people to think that submission is a four-letter word to me too. But I think that submission has been given a bad rap. Some mistakenly think that it means mindlessly giving in to our husbands’ whims or staying at home cooking pot roasts.
I submit to Jesse the same way I submit to God…
I love him with all of my mind, body and spirit.
I respect him as my spiritual leader.
I consult with him and seek his counsel when making life decisions, understanding that all things I do should honor him, God and our family.
And I use my God-given gifts and talents to serve our family (and yes, for me a very large part of that is in my professional career).
mmm… SO good, you two.
my thoughts on submission…
brent and i have counseled several couples in turmoil. one of the things i have noticed in may of those cases was submission being abused.
wives, submit to your husband as unto the Lord. as unto the Lord. (yes, i repeated myself)
husbands? give your wives reason to do this as if she really is submitting to the Lord. this means you need to be seeking Him. you need to be an imitator of Him.
ive seen husbands disregard that common sense part of the deal. taking this verse and seeing only the submission word and not the directive to them “as unto the Lord”. this means be Christ like, men. that is what the woman is being told to submit to.
women? give your husbands reason and cause to want to give his life for you the way Christ did. it is certainly a two way street. not 50/50 but 100/100.
my $.02
Actually I don't think I could've said any better! :-) I know another family that follows the same and they are VERY “Grounded” in their marriage! :-)
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up ;)
We didn't think or act this way five years ago. My husbands struggles with addiction (which I've written about here and on my XXXChurch blog at length) and my unhealthy response to his addiction had us both acting out of almost totally selfishness for the first half of our marriage. And we still are far from perfect in walking this out. But we believe it with all of our hearts and our desire it to love each other this well in al that we do as God continues to work us through our issues.
That means that in addition to submitting to each other we have had to learn to submit to the process… and that is hard work!
I submit to my husband not only cause I'm called to by Christ, but because I love him (my husband). And he's never lorded it over me. And because of that I can tell when I'm not being submissive. I pick up on it quickly.
And yes it's mutual. I don't expect him to serve me hand and foot and he doesn't expect that of me. He always wants to know my thoughts and takes them into consideration when a decision needs to be made. Sometimes we go my route, sometimes not.
I so agree with this! I was recently told that “husbands have to love their wives, wives have to obey their husbands”
uh… yeah.
That kind of submission is where the “S” word comes into play.
The way I read the bible husbands & wives are partners. Yes, the final decision rests with my husband, but nothing is an arbitrary “you will do this” command. If he leads by following God, I will gladly submit – as unto the Lord. If he leads like he's following Hitler, there may be an issue.
And I love Tam's reminder to the men – give your wife a real person to submit to, and she will gladly do it. If you treat us with love, honor, respect, etc… you know, loving us as Christ loves the church, you just might be surprised at the wife you find that you have. It goes both ways.
Men and women should be equal. However, equality is not 'sameness and I think people confuse it. They also see 'submission' is some kind of patriarchal The best way to look at it is to examine the Father, Jesus and The Holy Spirit. All three are God, but all three are also distinct. Submission applies. The Spirit submits to Jesus. Jesus submits to the Father.
Here's the other thing. In 5:25, it says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Any man who loves his wife as Jesus Christ loved the church will have no issue at all with their wife biblically submitting.
Mutual is key!
I loved her reminder too. She's one smart cookie ;)
Good point Jay! I think you'll like my Father's day post…
I can't wait 'til my dad can treat my mom like that. I pray for the day to come quickly.
Beautifully said Tam. It always humors me how caught up on this issue people get. It really is about mutual submission but most people miss that piece I think. Tam thanks for your $.02 and Nicole thanks for the wonderfully written post.
The best model for authority in the gospels is the centurion. He “got it” because he understood not what it meant to be IN authority, but to be UNDER it. He knew his orders were followed not because he himself was such a powerful guy, but because he was under his superiors' authority and so had the power of the whole Roman army behind him. So he understood that Jesus exercised authority by being in submission to the Father and therefore with the power of the Father behind him. This is the kind of authority husbands have. If we're not in line with the Boss, we don't get to be the boss.
Nicole, I tried not to make this too thesis-y and did manage to use “therefore” only once.. But I come back to the centurion a lot. Jesus thought pretty well of him, so he's a good example to look at.
So I've been to & scoped out the videos on 3X…. the addiction & the 'co-dependent' aka enabler = hard work, yes I do agree with you!!! I know this b/c I've walked thru all types on “both sides of the fence”. I pray for you both dearly & this is my 'suggestion'… KEEP GOD in between you! & KEEP the COMMUNICATIONS going! (“We” did NOT & our marriage ended in divorce.)
Thanks for 'linking' me back to 3X =) Sadly to say, it's very much needed in this world indeed but very thankful ppl have stepped up to the plate & found a way!!!
Love & Hugs to you,
~Joni
If you understand the biblical meaning of submission, you'll clearly have no problem submitting to your husband; and vice versa– if he understands it as well, his life will be to serve you, so you'll both be all set! It's like the circle of life!!!I believe that the problem lies in the fact that “the world” often sees the word “submission” having to do with control. I see it as a demonstration of love. Though I choose to submit to my husband, I also know he would never do anything that is not in the best interest of our family. Understand, though, that I am speaking as a woman who has been with my husband since I was 15, married him at age 21, and been married for almost 23 years (and BTW neither of us were Christians until about 10 years ago!). I'm sure people who've been in difficult relationships may not have the same understanding of submission as I do!
ugh. i so try not to think about this. i've had it explained ten thousand ways to Sunday and still don't feel like I have a full grasp of what it means in my life and how to work it into my marriage in an effective way. We are both still learning about it… and I am so thankful I have a patient husband :)
Thank you so much, Joni. I appreciate the encouragement and prayers!
23 years! Wow! Congratulations :)
Praying with you.
And…. I love you!
I love that you guys are working on finding an understanding together. Love it! That's what life together is all about :)
I can't say it nearly as well as Mimi Haddad can so I'll just post a link to a listing of all of her posts on Sojo's “God's Politics” blogs.
http://blog.sojo.net/author/mimi_haddad/
Love this discussion! When you have married a good man, one who loves God – it's not that hard to let him lead. That's one way I look at it – I let my husband lead. Now, he respects me enough not to make major life decisions without my input or agreement. That's pretty important, too.
The only time I've ever had a problem with the whole submission thing is when it comes to an issue I think is a woman's right – how many babies to have and when to have them. Obviously, a married couple should agree on this. I was once in a Bible study with a woman who said, “I don't think I'm ready for another baby, but my husband is, so I am going to submit to him.” That really alarmed me – since the WOMAN is the one who has to go through all the physical stress and discomfort of childbearing, not to mention, in this instance, most of the child-raising – and it has bothered me since. I don't see how a husband who truly wants the best for his wife could insist on something like that.
Oh my goodness.. I just checked the link. That's a lot of reading! I'm going to check it out on Saturday when I have more time. Thanks!
That lady would have alarmed me too. Wow.
what a perfect example!
“If we're not in line with the Boss, we don't get to be the boss.”
thats a t-shirt dying to happen.