Power(less) Words
Words have power. When words are overused, or misused, they can lose their power.
Charles Manson (yes, the Helter Skelter guy) once said:
“You know, a long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody’s crazy.”
While I know that this guy is totally delusional, he has a point: too much of something can dilute it. And I think that happens sometimes in Christian circles. We create and overuse jargon that gets old, is often misused, and over time loses its potency.
“Fellowship” is one of those words to me. The church is the only place where I’ve ever heard “hanging out” referred to as “fellowship.” And while I’m sure that term was adopted to represent belonging and gathering together in community, over time it has become overused. Now when I hear someone suggest we enjoy some good “fellowship,” I think of mayonnaise-y casseroles and fruited jello molds. And my first inclination is to run away.
Sometimes I wonder if the word “missional” is falling into the overused category (and I sincerely hope it isn’t). It seems to me that being a Missional Church used to really mean something. Something big. Something new. Something Jesus-like. Nowadays it seems like everybody is missional. I hear that buzzword a lot. And it doesn’t always mean the same things anymore. Sometimes it does. Other times it only means that the pastor wears cool vintage t-shirts and boot cut jeans.
And my latest concern is about the word “accountability.” I recently wrote about it on my XXXChurch blog and have been considering the idea of it becoming tired and overused church jargon ever since.
“Accountability” is one of those words that should always mean something. It’s also one of those things that it is incredibly difficult to bring meaning to. Accountability is uncomfortable. It’s something that we naturally shy away from. In the XXXChurch post, I wrote that accountability means,
“that you are willing to release control and submit to the process. It also means that you are willing to confront difficult situations and have the courage to say the right thing even when it hurts. And it means having the discipline and discernment to preserve the relationship during those difficult conversations by balancing the truth with love.”
True accountability isn’t easy. It asks that you give as much as you receive. And because accountability is tough (and risky), I think it might be losing some of its steam. I would hate to see accountability in the church become about workbooks, DVD studies, pickup basketball games, or weekly gatherings where 20 guys pretend that they all read chapter 4 of “Wild at Heart.”
I hope that we aren’t heading toward the day when “accountability” used to mean something.
Here's a comment to prove that comments are working.
my favorite is “a heart for Jesus” (or missions. or orphans. or whatever) I've used it myself, but I feel like we all say that so much! “Soandso has a heart for (college students) (battered women) (teen boys)”. I mean, hopefully most Christians do have a passion and a ministry, but I just get sick of the phrase that ends up meaning nothing, you know?
The problem with accountability is that none of us is willing to admit we have weaknesses to other people. For some reason, we've been conditioned to believe that we're all supposed to be perfect. OR we hide it away in secret anonymous 12-step groups.
While I don't think the whole church needs to know my business, I do feel that having a close circle of good Christian friends that do is important. My small group, my ladies Bible study group. :) Then, of course, we do spend more time in small group discussing surface-level things than we do deep things. Are we reluctant to challenge each other? Are we reluctant to let another challenge us? True accountability is about being honest with another person/people and then listening when they challenge us. Easy to type, not so easy to follow.
I think “getting saved” can be overused. Sometimes I think it sounds so corny that it doesn't even come close to what happens when we give our lives over to our Savior. But, I suppose we have to have a word for it.
I don't know if you have heard these in your circles…but these phrases are currently making me flinch. “If Jesus tarries” I have never heard it in a context that makes any sense. It seems that it is just thrown in a conversation when no one has an answer or comment to come back with. Ugh!
I have heard so many prayers lately where the words “just pray” is thrown in for emphasis. “I just pray that you would forgive my sins” We just pray that you would bring healing” ” I just pray that you would speak to your people” I am so sick of hearing that. How about ” I earnestly pray” or “I desperately pray”. Many times what people are praying for is a pretty big deal and throwing in the word “just” cheapens it. I am not saying you have to use fancy words but you are seeking favor from the King of Kings.
“Outreach.” There's another one. Think about the stuff that gets categorized as “outreach.” Like the Christmas choral cantata. Which is generally outreach to no one except that maybe we pick off some folks from neighboring churches who later come to our church because the choir is better.
“Connect” There's an oldie but a goodie.
I think the problem is they're just words. We like to say words, and we like to sound like we know what we're talking about. See, the words make us so much more relevant than an incarnate gospel…and that's what it's all about, relevance. I mean, who wants to give up their own life? It's just easier to talk about it and theorize how it would all look. The gospel is just better served being talked about, right? :)
'Authenticity.'
It seems being 'authentic' these days is not so much about radically following Jesus and doing what he says, but rather being “authentic” in having tattoos, wearing the right clothes, using Moleskine notebooks, dissing worship music (except for Carlos Whittaker and David Crowder), using foul language, and attending all the right conferences and sending out tweets about being 5 feet away from some famous Christian blogger.
And for the record, I didn't like 'Wild At Heart' at all. I agree with a lot of what Eldredge has to say, but mounting climbing and bow hunting aren't pre-requisites for being a 'real' man.
Making an impact for the gospel (what does this mean specifically? how do we measure this?)
Connecting (what does this look like? If we are standing in the same space are we connecting?)
Online church (not every church needs to go digital, not everyone who goes digital is necessarily doing church)
Community (if i am in the same building – am I in community with someone?)
Accountability: I learned something that transformed accountability for me…. we can only have accountability where we have asked for it. When people say, “I'm just trying to keep you accountable” but haven't been invited to do so, how meaningful is it really?
Let me add that my point was (I don't want to get hit with a bunch of angry comments from fans of whatever I listed) that 'authenticity' seems to sometimes be more about looking a certain way or having a certain image. Again, the thought process sometimes being the guy that comes to church with the designer t-shirt, ripped jeans, tats and holding an iPhone is more “authentic” than the guy who shows up with a white shirt, tie and Motorola Razr.
i've always been stumped by the “accountability” word. i don't think i know what it should/could look like because i've never seen it done well. so i feel like, in a lot of ways, that word has very little meaning to me simply because it's so ambiguous. mer.
I hadn't even thought of that one. And it does seem to be really over used.
I really, really love our ladies group :) And so true about the “getting saved” phrase.
I have never heard that phrase in my life! I can't even imagine it in conversation. I wonder if it's regional. Where do you live?
I love the world “outreach” because it often doesn't mean going out… more like inviting people in. Except that you don;t advertise so you don't really invite new people. And as you've said before, having outreach activities by definition assumes that everything else you do if inwardly focused. How backwards.
I do think that we like to talk the talk. It's way easier than walking the walk.
Well, the guy with the iPhone is definitely cooler than the guy with the Razr. Especially if he's wearing black Elvis Costello glasses ;)
After I posted this Jesse and I were saying that I could have added authenticity to the list! Great minds think alike. I agree about Wild at Heart by the way.
I agree with you about Online church. I think it's an awesome concept but the chat rooms are very distracting and make it hardly like church.
I agree. I wold love to actually see it working. I feel I have true accountability with 2 people and neither attend my church.
“bless”
“God use this congregation/couple/person/ministry to bless the world” as if we have a monopoly on blessings which we share with the world / the poor / the community. How often do we pray that we will be blessed by a homeless mother, a pregnant teen, a gay person? Funny thing, in the Bible, the blessings tend to come from the margins.
“Thank you God for blessing our wedding with sunshine” — and does God withhold good weather from those on whom it rains? What a terribly contorted theology.
“God bless the USA” as if our allegiance to our country trumps our allegiance to God, as if our national neighbors aren't children of God too, as if God blesses us and doesn't bless Canada, or Cuba, or Iraq, or Palestine.
“Thank you for the blessings you've given me/us” as if God did not give them to the impoverished, or as if they aren't a direct result of us being born in the USA (or in a family that moved to the USA), as i they aren't more accurately taken by us through colonialism, neo-colonialism, and continued exploitation o the developing world and even with communities within our own borders. My laptop (which I type this on) isn't a blessing, it is a spoil of war (literally… many/most consumer electronic contain minerals which were obtained through conflict or whose acquisition fueled conflict, mostly in Congo).
Almost always, I hear American Christians using “bless” in a way which creates God in our own image.
all of those words can become meaningless & trite when overused, i agree. maybe we should use different words, or maybe we should use them the way they are meant? for example, i can't create accountability out of thin air… to me, it requires knowing someone well enough to confront them when they are wrong & receive correction from them as well. an “accountability group” would therefore be made up of men or women who were deep enough in each other's daily lives to see the Truth & speak it to each other.
at my church, “doing life together” and “community” are the buzz words. and they mean something… most of the time. : )
Bless is a good one. And I agree that it's often used in a way that creates God in our image.
“doing life together” gets used a lot in my circles too. I thin kit definitely fits the list.
I know some people I don't mind asking the hard questions of, but they don't like giving honest answers or don't like me asking. AND I have yet to find someone who will ask me the tough questions. No one wants to take the chance to offend. Hello!
“We'll build that new building to house a day care for single moms and GED prep classes if Jesus tarries” (great excuse for not getting done what you're called to do.
Being a purveyor of words, I look at what people are saying and often ask “Why?” Maybe it's because I've been carefully learning and studying more about being Jesus IN our culture instead of fighting against our culture. What's that word? *Relevant* I want to be Relevant.
Really, what I want is for whatever I say, wherever I say it to whomever I speak to have meaning TO THEM. When I use words that mean something to me in my “Christian world” but mean nothing to them — what chance to I have of sharing anything with them, including the amazing love of Christ? I might as well be speaking a foreign language to them.
Take, for example, the word “Christian.” I learned several years ago that if I were to go to Israel to witness to those living there and say I am a Christian, I would be shunned, turned off and lose any chance of sharing. Why? Hitler was a “Christian.” It was explained to me then that being able to explain my beliefs was much better than taking on a label.
The first words that popped into my mind were *saved* or *believer* or even *Christian.* They mean something to those of us who are described by them but often do not mean the same thing, or mean nothing, to those who are not. While I will check Non-demoninational Christian (or some times even Baptist … don't hate me!) on forms (e.g. hospital admissions) I prefer to define myself as a follower of Jesus but even that can get me in trouble because I don't always live up to it!
That's something that we're all always working to live up to.
Sometimes I think the word “relevant” is losing it's power too…
I think we spend WAY to much time and energy in the church worrying about being nice. I'd prefer that people just be honest. And kind.
I was going to say “authentic” or “authenticity” as well. The overuse of it is something that has made me “crazy” (to overuse another word from the post!) at times. My husband and I are in constant contact with people who are caught up in some form of life-dominating issue- who wouldn't know themselves if they met themselves in a phone booth (what are those by the way?)-but they sure do dress cool! Authentic is supposed to mean genuine and real. But, like you put better than I can, it has turned into another form of mask-wearing and measuring up for far too many.
Nicole, I've written some stuff on accountability groups and my aversion to the way they're being “done” in most places. Real accountability comes as a natural byproduct of living in, guess what?, authentic community: environments of grace–where the worst can be known about me and I am loved more, not less, in the telling of it. Where everything can be brought into the light and be known and dealt with.
Like my friends at Truefaced have taught me: true grace isn't easy on sin, sin management is.
I love that definition of accountability.
I wondered if someone else would come up with the same thing I was thinking, and you did! “Community” and “doing life together” are two words/phrases that are used a lot by fellow “Jesus followers” (another potential phrase that I hope doesn't end up in the same boat as the word “Christian”). Unfortunately, some may eventually conclude that “community” is simply a fancy Christian word for clique.
“I love the sinner, but hate the sin” No, actually, you just want to feel holier than me while you're being rude and disrespectful. Twit.
“Prrraaaiiissse Jeeesssuuusss” You know the folks. The ones who make this short phrase into a 14 syllable sentence. Queen, please sit down. We know you got the Ghost, but we all want to go home.
“I found Jesus.” He was behind the couch! I was looking for the remote, and there He was! (Suzanne Westenhoffer.
“Are you washed in the blood?” Eeww. (Backing away slowly.)
“In the name of Jesus!” Usually accompanied by some action that makes me wonder if Jesus is shaking his head in disbelief/sadness/regret
My new pet peeve: “Claim that wealth/new car/new house God has planned for you! Jesus means for you to prosper.” I'd be here all night if I counted the ways that was so wrong.
Accountability: You know, that's been kind of a scarce thing. As someone from the LGBTQ community, most mainstream churches haven't been too concerned with me. Even the ones I have been a member of. I've found over the years that a lot of “open and affirming” churches like to collect a few LGBTQ folks so the rest of the world can see how liberal they are.
Now I attend Emerald City Metropolitan Community Church. MCC is a denomination built by and for my community. Some people say it's doubly marginalizing to worship in a specifically gay church. I don't see it like that. When I committed to membership there, and they did the whole liturgy & the congregation promised to help me grow in my faith, I actually really believed it. For the first time ever.
My pastor is a guy I can trust, and he trusts me to help him. Coming home was the right decision. I am continuing to grow in faith regularly, because I'm getting fed a regular diet. I'm not just a token part of a collection for a straight congregation.
I think genuine care for and walking with people might be more important than the often hierarchical and power-abusing process of “accountability” I've seen in a lot of churches.
Here’s my short list of overused church words:
Authentic
Genuine
Culture
Purpose Driven