I’ve Been Robbed
A few weeks ago I came across a post that my friend Jessica had written last year on her blog, The Mom Creative. I listed it on my Best Blog Now post earlier this week because it made such a huge impression on me. Here’s a little bit of what it said:
One of my friends, who had a baby a few months after Elias [her son], mentioned that she and her two young kids are going to go swimming at the country club with her parents, but that she probably wouldn’t go swimming because she felt too fat.
Of course, I can relate to how she feels. My body is far from what it was prior to having a baby…. Her candor about not going swimming because she feels fat made me so sad because she is missing out on creating memories with her kids! There is nothing like lifting Elias up into the air and having him giggle as we splash in the water. I would rather feel a little fat in my “mom” suit and enjoy Elias than not create those memories because of my self-consciousness.
Ugh. I can totally relate. Can you?
I read this post about two weeks after we returned from a fantastic family vacation in Florida. After I read it I thought about all of the pictures that we took while we were there. During that week we went to the horse stables, spent a day at Disney, swam with the dolphins at Discovery Cove, spent a day riding the waves in the ocean and flying kites on the beach. It was a great vacation.
And I’m not in a single picture.
Here’s the deal, I’m robbing my children from having lasting memories of me. I’m robbing them because of my vanity and my shame for what I have allowed my body to become. They deserve to have pictures of our life together when they’re older, or when they have kids, or when I’m gone… even if I think I look fat in them. And the truth is, I doubt they even care! It makes me so sad to think about all of the times that I’ve cropped myself out of memories together.
And I’m robbing myself too.
I cannot continue to sacrifice our memories any more.
Debt. That drives me to work like mad to keep my job.
Oh Nicole… wow. I do this too…ALL the time… *totally convicted* right now.
I'm not in a lot of photos because I'm taking them!
But for me the robbing is my inability to sit still, or sit down and play with my kids…..
I understand. There are times that I wish I hadn't gone to college because the student loans are insane.
I love you and think your a hottie :)
I'm usually taking the pictures too. Now I'm starting to think I've been hiding.
Weight & debt, anxiety & depression.
All of these things have robbed, or are robbing me. There's very few photos of me with my kids, because I hate seeing myself in photos. Even though I've lost a fair amount of weight, I'm still only a third of the way to where I need to be.
And then there's the constant “no” when the kids ask to go out and do something because of the debts that I ran up a few years ago on credit cards, that we're still slowly paying out.
Just trying to take it a day at a time, and make it a bit better each day, but it's hard sometimes not to just give up and hide in the computer.
Buwahahahahaha! I love you too.
Wow. I can totally relate. We went to Virginia Beach a few weeks ago, and I didn't put my swimsuit on, the entire week. Ugh! I never thought about the effect my insecurities would have on my son and his memories. Thank you, so much, for posting!
You've been hanging around here for along time so you know we've never been shy about my husband's addiction and recovery. You comment reminds me of that I guess because it's such a one day at a time kind of thing. I understand. Thank you for leaving this comment.
Thank you. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one!
Heather — that post could have been written by me, 15 years ago.
After a nasty divorce, my (supposedly grown) kids — in their early 20's — said to me, “You never did ANYTHING with us, you're not even in the pictures taken through the years.”
To which I calmly replied, “Who do you think TOOK those pictures???”
Silver <><
I realized that in my effort to create the memories by taking all the pictures of all the events, that I was essentially hiding behind the camera because I didn't really like my picture either (for multiple reasons!). But I knew in my heart that I really missed having pictures of my mom after she passed away, so I made more of an effort to make sure that I was included in the pictures. I also tended to work alot of extra hours to try and make extra money because of debt, but that effected by health and it was very noticable to my family. I had to make the decision to make changes in that area of my life as well for my health and for the effect it had on my family since they had to deal with the ramifications of it (me coming home and just going to bed, not spending any time with them, etc.). We are still working on getting out of debt, but my health is better and our family time is so much better too!
As for another story, I know someone who is still bitter about how she was raised. Her mother was very involved in the church to the point that the ministries took priority over family. She told a heartbreaking story to a group of women we were with at a women's retreat that the mother/daughter brunch the church would host the weekend before Mothers' Day, her mom would take the girls and put them at a table in a corner then go about her business. The girls never ate with her at these functions. It was like that at almost all church functions. This daughter was very bitter about it. It made me very sad.
OO
Weight. :(
I knew I would love your blog when I clicked over here (recommended by *From Traci*) and saw your picture. We could be sisters. Then I realized we are sisters (in Jesus) and your links intrigue me. Then my son (20 and wants to be a missionary) walked in and noticed the link to XXXChurch and of course he already knew what it was while I had never heard of it. We asked God to give this child a heart for the lost and hurting and He has answered. Anyway … I have subscribed to your blog, friended you on FB, and followed you on Twitter. I'm looking forward to getting to know you!
Wow… that story is so sad. Ministry can had that effect on people. Sad but true.
Just confirmed you on FB. Glad you found my blog!
Wow. Thanks for sharing this. I do take the kids to the pool and enjoy that. I don't worry about what other people think since I know they love having fun. However, I never really thought about how I am hiding behind the camera as well. I've always just done it to have the pictures, but I need to be in more of them! Thanks for your honesty. I really appreciate it!