Guest Post: David Goodwin
When I decided that I wanted to write a few posts exploring LGBT and Christianity during LGBT Pride Month, I knew that I had to have my friend David guest post. My hope this month has been that we could have a dialogue about LGBT and the church from multiple points of view. And David’s point of view is a valuable part of this conversation. I’m so glad that he agreed and am honored to have him posting here.
David and his amazing wife Diane live in Australia, Northern Ireland, and Oregon (at last count). You can follow David on Twitter or his blog(s). Thanks for doing this, friend. Love you!
And without further ado, David Goodwin…
In most Christian circles, its rare to hear “homosexuality” without “sin” also being mentioned.
As someone who used to be gay, and a Christian then and now, I’m comfortable with that, but I’m very uncomfortable with how they are almost always linked in a pious and/or disgusted manner.
Because sin is sin is sin. No matter what it is, God offers us all a level-playing field in Jesus.
But plenty has been written about that, so I won’t rehash it. Instead, a quick overview of my theology on sin:
1. sin is anything which separates us from God.
2. many of those things don’t make sense to our warped view of justice, so God gives us specific guidance through His written word, by His Spirit, & through wise counsel.
3. things which appear to make sense, like murder or theft, still get a look in because God knows we’re completely depraved.
4. and then…there’s everything else. The “everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial or helpful” stuff. Freedom in Christ. Yay/ugh/yay/ugh/etc.
For some, all things LGBT fit at 4. For others, me included, they fit at 2.
However it’s not my job to convince anyone where they belong, that’s the Holy Spirit’s job. My job is loving. But…often judging seems to come much more easily.
When I was living gay half a lifetime ago, I was living a double life : one where I was a once-a-week-church-going-conservative-yet-camp guy, and another where I went out clubbing, drinking & (kinda) engaging in trysts. All in all, not much different from the experience of any number of guys…save some significant details.
Yet here’s the kicker : the pious part of me spent so much time judging the rest of me that I blocked the Holy Spirit from doing His work in me.
But over a long period of time, I learned to stop judging me and began to love me instead. That work of the Holy Spirit transformed me from the core.
It’s such a simple sentence to write, yet so difficult to convey the tears, struggle, and anguish of fighting who I believed myself to be versus who I knew God desired me to be.
And years later, I’m still struggling.
Until recently I wasn’t comfortable being in traditionally blokey environments. They kinda freaked me out. I just didn’t know what to expect.
Would those old feelings be revived?
Was I likeable, as a straight man, to other straight men?
Could I really be myself?
Or, perhaps bizarrely, would I get hit on? (it still happens. even, or maybe especially?, when I’m out with my wife.)
In other words, despite having been released from sexual attraction towards men, I still wouldn’t allow myself to form close relationships with men.
I’d only allowed the transforming power of God to go so far.
I was still living with fear, and it was my choice.
There is always choice.
David (and Diane) thank you so much for sharing part of your self on my blog. I love you both!
Wow, dude… I think that this is a very important piece about #homesexuality and the #church! There are definitely some walls that need to come down, and I agree in your point that Christians are called to just love…
I find your honest about your past and ongoing struggles refreshing. While I don't struggle with same-sex attraction, what you are talking about here also hits home with any kind of sin-struggle. Dude… seriously, your honesty is refreshing! Thank you!
“the pious part of me spent so much time judging the rest of me that I blocked the Holy Spirit from doing His work in me.”
mmmyah. that one's gonna stick with me.
oh, how i love you david.
i love my friend, David… and how the Lord is beginning to use his life's story and his life now with Diane to bring others in the church out of the dark. love love love them.
I can totally relate to that…
David, you are a men among men. Love you bro!
As an addict, I sure can relate to living a double life. But I found out more recently, so can just about everyone. Years and years ago TS Eliot wrote the phrase “prepare a face to meet the faces that we meet.” I've lost a lot of time on face preparation over the years.
Also love the phrase Tam quoted earlier. I can definitely relate to that too. I wonder, did I ever think God would be impressed that I still held onto what I consider “piety”?
Thanks for sharing this with us!
I heart your real face by the way. xoxo
David, thank you for sharing such an intimate story. It is special people like you and Nicole, who have the courage to share their stories and struggles, in order to help others. God bless you both!
Thanks Bee, I can't speak for David but I know that for me telling my story is a major part of redeeming it. And in that redemption my painful story becomes a blessing. Amazing grace, indeed!
I have no words… I can only smile big. You are incredible.
wow – so amazingly written I just want to hear more and more. I'm going to have to follow him on Twitter and his blog. Thank you for sharing
“But over a long period of time, I learned to stop judging me and began to love me instead. That work of the Holy Spirit transformed me from the core.” This part is so true…..in my own recovery from sin in my life, I literally beat the crud out of myself with the discipline and “thou shalt not's” in the Bible, and wound up miring myself further and further into a pit of unworthiness. It wasn't until I starting seeing the grace and mercy and love that inundates the pages that true restoration and a sweet relationship with God began.
Beautiful post~~ thank you for your honesty!
I love the joy on your faces. It jumps off the page & touches my very heart. So transparent. So in love with God and each other!
Your story, like mine & so many others, is more common than we, as sinners, want to admit. For so long I buried pain beneath mountains of pain pills. That sense of right & wrong turned off. That goody-two-shoes I was most of my life became lost somewhere in the shuffle. And God still waited patiently for me to return. To His open, waiting arms! Now, I feel compelled to do the same for others. Whether they are addicts, murderers, or the pastor of a church. We are all broken. All. Of. Us. Broken. The healing can only begin when we accept ourselves. Until then we can't accept other as we are.
I'm glad God (and an airplane)brought you (and Diane) to OR! I hope we get a chance to tweet-up before you fly away!
They really do look cute don't they ;)
Great post. Sin is sin. It is interesting at how certain “sins” seem to trigger a much sharper reaction than other “sins”.
WOW! This is an amazing post. I absolutely loved reading it. Makes me want to (almost!) drive back to Oregon just to give you one more hug!
Dang do I love this story. I want to share it with everyone I know who thinks being gay is worse than being a liar, who thinks lying is a lesser offense than being gay….. sin is sin is sin when looking through God's eyes. We all need to be delivered from our own struggles with sin, and judging because of it only sends people further from the only One who can deliver.
“Love sweet love….” is always in my head after conversations like this.
Also, I love 1-4. I'm a fan of rules (they make me feel safe!), and while those aren't rules so much as guidlines, I like that they plainly explain sin without judgement on any particular sin. We're all in need of guidance!
You are amazing for sharing this! Amazing for where you've been and where you are now!
I finally got here!
Thanks again Nicole for the opportunity. I only ever seem to write effectively about me when I have a deadline… :)
I decided a while ago that keeping this for me was hiding a lamp under a bowl…though that was likely God deciding for me.
It's still a scary thing to get this vulnerable, but life was meant to be scary, right?
Love you too Tam. You sharing your story is one of many that helped me realise more about my own, and that I need to tell it too – scary as that is.
And we love you. Thank you – way more than words can express.
Thanks Brent – love you too!
“But I found out more recently, so can just about everyone”
I've realised this only fairly recently too…and I've certainly lost a lot of time in face preparation in my life too. Why do we think we can do anything to impress God more than being real with Him?
Even though Nicole wasn't speaking for me, her response is mine :) Thanks for your encouragement!
Really, you have no words?? ;) Keep smiling anyway. Thanks for your friendship Jen.
I guess I should get to work actually sharing my story on my own blog shouldn't I :)
For years I really believed that's what we were meant to do – live like our pasts never existed.
D'oh.
But I'm glad more and more of us are realising that lie of the enemy and using our whole experience to witness for Jesus. Thank you for your encouragement!
We humans love to rank things don't we… “at least I'm not as bad as X” or “what I did was so much worse than Y”.
Even if it's true – Jesus levelled the playing field by taking it all on Himself so that we're not bound by it – and we're free to get on with loving and not judging, if we choose that.
Yep – all broken, all in need of a Saviour. Every day. Just as well we have One right!
We'll have to get to work on that tweetup too :)
Glad my little theology lesson helped Brandy. God knows we like rules…it's that freedom He also gives us within the rules that really tests us.
It was great to meet you last month, I'm sure it won't be the last!
well. ive got one thing to say about that.
glad youre moving to oregon!
=D
of course you had to bring that up again :)
That's awesome! You rock dude! Even though it can be scary, do you find freedom in that vulnerability? I think of times that I let my walls down about things that I'm dealing with and struggling with… it may be scary (and awkward), but there seems to be a freedom that comes with it too.
Seriously, you rock dude. I was just talking with Nicole and told her how impressed I was with your story and your willingness to talk about it. Keep it up David! Thanks!
“When I was living gay half a lifetime ago, I was living a double life : one where I was a once-a-week-church-going-conservative-yet-camp guy, and another where I went out clubbing, drinking & (kinda) engaging in trysts. All in all, not much different from the experience of any number of guys…save some significant details.”
And not much different than any other person that walks into a church…
It took me two times reading through this to process how great this post is…
I will have to figure out how to relate something that happened to me this week, that ties into the good Samaritan, and the question of Who is your neighbor?
David you can continue on in the Grace and Knowledge of Christ… You are loved Deeply by a God who can restore and heal anything.
Peace
Amen, brother!
David and Diane… you guys are spiritual giants for sharing this with a community that may not be as careful and gracious with you as you are with them.
I love you both!
kudos for not mentioning Brent's typo! ;)
What a great post. Thanks for sharing with us.
Amen!
it took everything i had. trust me.
Amen here too!!!
I assumed :)
So, so true. I can't think of two kinder spirits (except for you and I of course;) Seriously, I love them and can't wait to visit them in their new PNW home!
david. your heart is amazing. i just wanted you to know that!
just like King David you have had to fight your own giants, your own lions and bears and yet you are triumphant and victorious… because your heart is a man after God's own heart.
Thanks for sharing David – great post! Two lines that loom large in my life and in the lives of many are:
“…the pious part of me spent so much time judging the rest of me that I blocked the Holy Spirit from doing His work in me.
But over a long period of time, I learned to stop judging me and began to love me instead. That work of the Holy Spirit transformed me from the core.”
How often we inhibit the Spirit from working in and through us (and give Satan a victory) by effectively saying to God, “Sorry, my standards for sin are higher than Yours, so I can't forgive myself.” Praise God when we faithfully and prayerfully accept the solid truth of His Word!
God bless you & Diane!
David,
I appreciate your candor and your vulnerability in sharing your story. As we know, once it's on the internet… it becomes anyone's game. And so I'm not sure exactly how to respond in a way that is loving and respectful and also in a way that seeks the truth.
As a queer person, I get upset when perfect strangers ask probing questions about my personal life, family history, and sexual practices. “Hello, I just met you… maybe we could talk about the weather instead?” And so I hope that you'll have some grace with me as I confess: I'm not sure what you mean exactly when you say “as someone who used to be gay.”
I know many folks who either currently say or formerly said similar things. In personal conversations, they explained that they used to identify as gay, or they used to embrace being gay, or they used to have gay relationships; now, they identify as something else (ex-gay, post gay, straight), or they no longer accept being gay as part of God's plan, or they abstain from gay relationships, or they are in an opposite-sex relationship.
So I'd like to know what you mean by that sentence.
Wow! David I am blown away by your vulnerability and transparency in this post. You have inspired, encouraged and convicted me all in very unexpected ways. Your willingness to share your heart so freely is, I believe, a profound testament to the love of God that abides in your heart. Thank you for sharing your thoughts AND for sharing this part of your story. I can't imagine that was an easy thing to do. Your words have touched me deeply today.
Nicole – No way no way no way!!!! Love me some D&D and I had no clue :) Makes me love them even more :) Nicole – I want to hug you right now. Every day I learn stuff about the Oregon crew that makes me adore them even more… Dang i love that we are all broken and beautiful in Christ.
David – my friend. You rock. Totally. Completely. You said “sin is anything which separates us from God” – this has been my definition of sin for the longest time, but until reading this – have never heard anyone else say it that way – can I just tell you how affirmed I feel right now and so reassured that I am not off my rocker with that definition. Thank you brother – this was a gift.
Diane – you are the woman – have loved your heart since that first online church service @ trf. Still do :)
D&D – I so adore you guys. I'm just so in awe.
*happy heart smiles right now*
Hugs to you too!
Oh, I couldn't have said that better myself!