Guest Post: David Goodwin
When I decided that I wanted to write a few posts exploring LGBT and Christianity during LGBT Pride Month, I knew that I had to have my friend David guest post. My hope this month has been that we could have a dialogue about LGBT and the church from multiple points of view. And David’s point of view is a valuable part of this conversation. I’m so glad that he agreed and am honored to have him posting here.
David and his amazing wife Diane live in Australia, Northern Ireland, and Oregon (at last count). You can follow David on Twitter or his blog(s). Thanks for doing this, friend. Love you!
And without further ado, David Goodwin…
In most Christian circles, its rare to hear “homosexuality” without “sin” also being mentioned.
As someone who used to be gay, and a Christian then and now, I’m comfortable with that, but I’m very uncomfortable with how they are almost always linked in a pious and/or disgusted manner.
Because sin is sin is sin. No matter what it is, God offers us all a level-playing field in Jesus.
But plenty has been written about that, so I won’t rehash it. Instead, a quick overview of my theology on sin:
1. sin is anything which separates us from God.
2. many of those things don’t make sense to our warped view of justice, so God gives us specific guidance through His written word, by His Spirit, & through wise counsel.
3. things which appear to make sense, like murder or theft, still get a look in because God knows we’re completely depraved.
4. and then…there’s everything else. The “everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial or helpful” stuff. Freedom in Christ. Yay/ugh/yay/ugh/etc.
For some, all things LGBT fit at 4. For others, me included, they fit at 2.
However it’s not my job to convince anyone where they belong, that’s the Holy Spirit’s job. My job is loving. But…often judging seems to come much more easily.
When I was living gay half a lifetime ago, I was living a double life : one where I was a once-a-week-church-going-conservative-yet-camp guy, and another where I went out clubbing, drinking & (kinda) engaging in trysts. All in all, not much different from the experience of any number of guys…save some significant details.
Yet here’s the kicker : the pious part of me spent so much time judging the rest of me that I blocked the Holy Spirit from doing His work in me.
But over a long period of time, I learned to stop judging me and began to love me instead. That work of the Holy Spirit transformed me from the core.
It’s such a simple sentence to write, yet so difficult to convey the tears, struggle, and anguish of fighting who I believed myself to be versus who I knew God desired me to be.
And years later, I’m still struggling.
Until recently I wasn’t comfortable being in traditionally blokey environments. They kinda freaked me out. I just didn’t know what to expect.
Would those old feelings be revived?
Was I likeable, as a straight man, to other straight men?
Could I really be myself?
Or, perhaps bizarrely, would I get hit on? (it still happens. even, or maybe especially?, when I’m out with my wife.)
In other words, despite having been released from sexual attraction towards men, I still wouldn’t allow myself to form close relationships with men.
I’d only allowed the transforming power of God to go so far.
I was still living with fear, and it was my choice.
There is always choice.
Hi Brian
Firstly, I'd like to thank you for the grace you have shown in how you've asked for a more detail in what I mean by “as someone who used to be gay”. If there was a more gracious way of asking these kinds of probing questions, I don't know what that would be. And you're right, it's on the net, it's public property now.
And with the explanations you've heard from others about what they mean when they say those words, I think my situation is “yes” to all of that – kind of.
For the sake of giving a timeline, I have been in a heterosexual marriage for almost 8 years, my homosexual relationships ended 5 years prior to first meeting my wife, and I met my wife a year after I first became convinced of God's transformation from what I once was to who I now am…though of course, His transformation is a constant never-ending work. I didn't talk about this publicly, or even privately outside of my wife until last year…and even then, I wasn't up front with her when we first met and wasn't until after we'd been married a year. Another topic :)
In a perfect world, I believe God's plan is as outlined in Genesis : man + woman. We all know sin got in the way and we don't live in a perfect world. But God's grace is still for everyone, and my job is to be a vessel for that grace, love, and hope for Him to work through, and as I said in the post – not to judge what someone else believes to be the case, but let God work in each person, all the while me loving and letting them travel their own journey in seeking how to live for Him truthfully.
Pretty much the sole reason I've never talked about my testimony in this (huge) area of my life is the automatic branding it gets with “ex-gay” ministries and whole lot of misinterpretation from all sectors of the community. I don't really know anything about ex-gay ministries, except that a huge number of people have been very hurt by some of them. While I personally believe that God has the power the change anything – literally anything – when we truly allow Him the freedom to work in us, it's not for me to say “this is the only way to live a life for Christ”, because He reveals Himself to us differently, at different times, in different ways, for different purposes.
All of this, like anything, is an area that needs us to come and reason together as the Bible teaches us, respect each other, and see where we end up. And hopefully where we end up is closer to Christ, whether we agree or disagree on the matter being reasoned.
Sorry, that was crazy long – hopefully somewhere in there I've answered, but let me know if I haven't.
David and Diane – you guys rock, and the I feel like the UK is being cheated of you just now. You're openness and honesty and willingness to vulnerable floors me.
Thank you Jenny – your joy is infectious – in a good way :)
Thank you Makeda. You're right, it's not easy. But only doing he easy stuff leaves God no room to really work on us does it…so I guess I signed up for tough :)
Just as well God is big enough to carry me through it when I choose to let Him.
“Sorry, my standards for sin are higher than Yours, so I can't forgive myself.”
I believe I have used those exact words during one heated encounter with God in the late 90s…. :) Blessings to you too Dennis.
I'm just gonna keep on laughing. Nervously.
Can't wait to read who you have to share Carl. Thank you!
Reminds me of the “grace” v “truth” discussion in the car last night – haha.
Definitely there is freedom in vulnerability. Making yourself open to potential ridicule or worse is always going to be difficult, but the freedom in not having to maintain walls that don't need to be there ultimately far outweighs that difficulty.
Thanks so much for your encouragement today, mate!
Thanks so much responding. I really appreciate it. And I'm glad that you've found happiness and partnership!
I realized after re-reading my original comment I wasn't entirely clear. I think it's safe to say that the general public understands “gay” as “attracted to the same gender” and “used to be gay” as “no longer attracted to the same gender” and yet I've known folks to redefine “used to be gay” to mean something different–all those things I listed before. Which seems to be dishonest in spirit and misleading to folks who are straight or still gay.
So when you say “used to be gay,” what I (and I imagine others) gather is that you used to be attracted to men but now are no longer. Is that an accurate representation?
Think of our current absence from the UK as being preparation for what we really needed to bring there…we've been enriched by our stay here more than I can say :)
No worries Brian. In terms of sexual attraction, yes – that's an accurate representation – no longer attracted to men.
But, as a I said in the post, I didn't really want to test that until relatively recently either (the past couple of years)…I'd avoid situations where I thought there was a possibility I might feel attracted to a man. I don't avoid them anymore.
And he's very much a man. Rowr.
you have a blog? How did I not know this? must go find it now… bye for now!
Wow. Thanks for sharing your story David. We can all learn a lot from this post.
Hi David, I appreciate your bravery to speak on the subject and I am very much in sync with your perspective. I have a 30 year old son who is gay. It took us throught several years of seperation (mainly by him). It wasn't that I was hard or cold towards him. I could live with the arrangement that I won't preach condemnation and hellfire on you if you don't flaunt your lifestyle around my family and friends. But he was determined almost to flaunt it to people I felt didn't need to see or hear of his lifestyle.
So after years of seperation we have been communicating mostly on FB. He came to his youngest brother's wedding recently and actually had a great time around straight people. I think that may have been a breakthrough for him because most of these people were Christian friends and everyone loved him and was glad to see him.
I appreciate your post here and can honestly say I understand how we categarize sin into different little compartments. Most preachers use the, “drinking, smoking and sexual sins” as the 3 no no's in life…like as if these are the big ones. Too bad they don't make “clubs or bars” for selfish people or “unforgiving” people or…you get the picture huh? Then we could say, I saw you at “pride” bar the other night… Ok I'm rambling now. Be blessed all of you. El