A Woman’s Role
A very good friend of mine has this magnet on her refrigerator. I almost died laughing the first time I saw it. Now, before anyone gets agitated, let me clearly state that I don’t believe that cooking or caring for a home is satanic. That said, I appreciate the humor here.
Recently I tweeted a post written by my friend Sarah Mae about women choosing to raise their daughters to be homemakers and her decision to raise her daughters in this way. I strongly disagree with every point of her position. This isn’t the first time she and I have disagreed, nor will it be the last. But, I love her heart, I love her willingness to graciously respect our differing opinions, and I commend her for talking a bold step in doing something that, given the responses she is receiving, is viewed by some as controversial.
Jesse and I are no strangers to child-rearing controversy. We’ve been criticized for my decision to maintain my career and work outside of the home and for our decision for him to stay home with our children. We’ve been accused of living outside of God’s order, blaspheming, and believing Satan’s lies among other things.
Despite others’ opinions, it is our decision. And I believe that our decision is just as important, valid, and respectable as decisions made by families who choose to have mom stay home. Or families who have two working parents and choose daycare. Or parents who choose to raise their children as homemakers.
This is the right decision for us. And I’m quite certain that God is cool with it.
And He has blessed it. Tremendously.
We've been talking about posts including Sarah Mae's all weekend. In large part because she was indirectly crucified on the Scary Mommy's blog (http://www.scarymommy.com/how-to-be-a-good-wife/) last week. ScaryMommy not only disagreed with women who chose to disagree with mom's like Sarah Mae, but also – very publicaly – trashed her.
It was horrifying – honestly – to see the downward spiral of the criticism.
Regardless of what we believe, think, or practice… to me – it seems like there must be a common respect and decency that we show to others (even if they are running their lives differently than us) …
Scary Mommy and her buddies definitely shattered anything resembling decorum and my heart broke for mom's similar to Sarah Mae who were exploring a different way of raising kids… I mean, can't we all just get along? :)
Oh no he din't just go there … :)
God bless you! I don't know how you do it.
I actually agree with you, it should not be a topic that divides us. That's why I appreciate people like you and Sarah Mae so much. I think it's an important conversation to have together… with people on both sides of the issue. Unfortunately, there are women (and men) on both sides of this issue that refuse to see or discuss the other side and I believe that is what causes division. I love that we can discuss this and come to an understanding of each others position. That's so very important.
Love you too. And thanks for calling me lovely ;)
I don't even know who this Scary Mommy person is (I don;t read a lot of mommy type blogs)… sounds like it was bad though.
I'm so glad you found my blog and are joining in on the conversation here! Thank you!
Do you?
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Yet, God calls us to humbly remain in the station we were born into:
1 Cor 7:21-24 “Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you- although if you can gain your freedom do so. For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord’s freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called in Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.”
Marriage should not be the first priority of either man or woman:
1 Cor. 7:8-9 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1 Cor 7:34 “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world- how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
The Titus and Ephesians chapters on marriage both come before passages about masters and their slaves. At the time Paul wrote these books, women were like slaves. Further study of the bible indicates that God is not a fan of patriarchy- again and again he admonishes Christians to take care of widows and their children, because they were not under the protection of the law.
Though Eve was created as Adam’s “helpmeet,” it wasn’t until the fall that “your (woman’s) desire will be for your (her) husband and he will rule over you (her).” Man ruling over woman is a part of the curse. The New Covenant, through Christ, allows us all to be equals.
Here’s how I see it, and I know I’m not the only evangelical to believe this:
1) My first priority is to God and God alone.
2) I am to serve God in whatever capacity I am placed in.
3) Like Deborah, Esther, Phoebe, Mary, and many other biblical women- the Lord may call me into a position that is untraditional, and outside the confines of my home. I have had friends who have foregone the marriage route to become teachers and nurses and have left to serve God as missionaries in foreign lands.
Right now, I’m a mom and a wife. I have a great egalitarian marriage. He works- I stay home, where I work part-time. I cook, sometimes he does. He lets me sleep in on Saturdays. I do his laundry. We are happy. And statistically, we’re more likely to remain married than those who live in patriarchal or hierarchical marriages.
Training daughters to just be homemakers and doting wives (and there’s nothing wrong with being a doting wife) seems contradictory to the word- as does remaining under the father until marriage. In fact, this obsession with being almost worshipful of the husband seems like idolatry. We can’t turn back time to bible times, the Victorian era, or even the 1950s. It’s 2010. Women can vote, stand up to abuse, and become lawyers, judges, even president. They can inherit land, money, etc. and are no longer under man. What evangelical Christians call being counter-cultural seems reactionary. Today, women have opportunities to serve God in a number of capacities. And so long as we are serving God in whatever station he calls us to- I think Paul would probably approve.
I can't vouch for Paul but I'm pretty sure Jesus is cool with it ;) Great points Holly.
The magnet really is great, isn't it. I want one…
Some other time… I don;t want this conversation to go there. But keep reading. I'm sure I'll write about Mark Driscoll again at some point!
I love how you have given yourself to God's plan for you and your family! Thanks for sharing a part of your story.
Thanks, Jenny!
Excellent point about sons!
The post on submission is up. I hope you check it out!
I agree, there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer.