A Letter of Apology
Dear Beth Moore,
I owe you an apology.
I’m sure you’re wondering why, since we’ve never been in the same room together. Well, let me tell you, Beth (I can call you Beth, right?)… I’ve been very critical of you. I’ve avoided any type of event at my church that your books were involved in. I’ve even gone as far as to ban you from the women’s small group study that I lead.
And then there was the time I challenged you to a cage match. I’m really sorry about that.
Anyway Beth, I’ve realized that I may have been unfair to you over the years. At least a little bit. You see, I’ve always thought of myself as an ultra-progressive, 21st-century, modern (dare I say post-modern) woman. And you, well, I think of you as more of an early-to-mid-20th-century, stay-at-home-and-bake-things type. That’s not a bad thing, really. Just…. different.
And even though A Heart Like His was one of the best bible studies I’ve ever done, I’ve discounted you. I’ve made you the poster child (with a middle aged lady’s haircut) for all the things I hate about women’s ministry. Things like ladies’ teas, all night scrapbook crops in church basements, and gathering together to pray in breathless whispers.
I’ve associated you with things I despise talking about at women’s church gatherings. Things like home sales parties, casserole recipes, and diaper genies.
But what I’ve realized, Beth, is that it’s not you. It’s me.
I long for so much more. More women’s groups that go beyond our feminine insecurities and the cliche of being more like the ladies from Fried Green Tomatoes (I probably owe Stasi Eldredge an apology, too). I long for women’s ministries that speak to the hearts of women who juggle home, children, husbands AND work while pursuing a deeper relationship with God.
I long for women’s ministry that is relevant.
But everywhere I look, I see you. And that’s not your fault. I wonder if the church has built you into someone you’re not. I wonder if you’re being asked to be all things to all women. And if that’s the case, it isn’t fair. We need more relevant women’s ministries in the church. And we, the 21st-century, modern women, need to step up.
Beth, there’s nothing at all wrong with what you do. In fact, a lot of it seems really good. We just need more.
Yours,
Nicole
First of all, I think your blog just bumped out Matthew Paul Turner's on my top sites bookmarks! Ironic, since I found you through his blog site! It has been my experience that when a “teacher” gets so tremendously popular, many times the “followers” end up worshipping the person rather than God. It happens slowly, and people try to model this person instead of finding their own identity in Christ. Kudos to people who are brave and confident enough to incorporate their ministry into their personality, rather than the other way around! (and just kidding about MPT–there's plenty of room in my top sites for you both!)
This is awesome. Completely and totally hilarious. I agree… I actually am a fan of Beth… AND I find myself wanting more transparency, more ability to be real and get our fingernails dirty. Or for goodness sake at least break a pretty-pink-nail once and a while.
love it!
Thank you so much for the kinds words. MPTs pretty alright, isn't he? :)
I think our generations is going to break through that barrier. I hope anyway…
I'm glad you found it too! And I love being called sassy! ;)
(I just typed a whole reply….pressed “post as”…and promtly LOST the whole thing…!)
Like a few of the ladies who have already posted, I seem to fit the “inbetween” category – too old for young adults, and I'm single. And I work, which means I can't attend our women's ministry, as it's held during the day. There used to be a night once a term for the “working women” (still never came up with a name that didn't make us sound like prostitutes! – eg: “Working Women @ Night!”), but that hasn't happened for amost 2 years now. (We did just start a group for 25-35's, but of course that's on thursday nights, when I'm working….)
I'm not a girly-girl either, but thank God neither is our Women's pastor. That's the major reason that I don't attend other women's conferences (eg Colour Your World). In the past 5 years I've managed to get to our women's conference 2 times, and loved it.
I don't know what I'd change – I really don't think it's relevant to me at all. Maybe I should start my own connect group. Hmm.
Hear, hear! (I know I'm terribly late to the party, but I found you from Matthew Paul Turner's blog just today…) I struggle with the same guilt. I want all of my kids, both my boys and my girls, to feel free to go where they are gifted and interested. I don't want them to feel pressure to perform in any particular way, whether it's going to college or being a homemaker or whatever.
Great post, Nicole. You give me courage to speak up as our young church works on building a women's ministry.
I'm glad that you joined me and jumped into the conversation!
Yes, you should! Do it! :)
Personally, I feel about the entire church as you typified in your distaste for traditional women's ministry. I think the whole shebang needs to be more relevant today (without losing it's foundational, Biblical integrity)
Well, I would agree with you on this one. Women's ministry seems to move a little slower though I'm not sure why.
This post really resonated with me. For years I've been secretly, sheepishly suspecting that I'm missing the women's ministry gene. Several years ago I attended a train-wreck of a women's retreat and wrote this: http://wordsworth.wordpress.com/2006/10/03/i%E2... After that retreat, I vowed never to go on another one….but then got suckered into another one just a year later. THAT was a retreat-in-a-box that centered around chocolate. I went home from that retreat so frustrated. Any way I thought about it, it ended up looking really bad for the church leadership. Either nobody was paying attention to what the women were doing or they assumed that all we were capable of was something centered on chocolate.
So. I changed churches.
Thanks for provoking me to greater thought on this subject.
Isn't it nice to know that we aren't alone in feeling this way!? ;)
The Women's group at my church held Beth's study “Stepping Up” this last fall. It was the 1st study offered by the newly formed Womens Group. I attended with great expectations but quickly realized I had very little in common with most of the women there. I managed to make it to 3 of the studies, but just couldn't seem to join in the conversations. I LOVE THIS apology to Beth. It is nice to know I am not the only one who doesn't fit in! Thank you Nicole! You are one of my new FAVS!
I just found your blog today and have been reading some of your older posts. This one really, really struck a cord in me. My previous church had a “women's ministry”, which really should have been called a mothers' ministry. Even the “women's Bible study” only focused on passages about mothers. Now, granted there were only 2 of us 30-something women without children (it was a small church), but having women's ministries that ONLY focus on being a mother does leave some women out. I totally agree that women's ministries need to have a broader focus – not leave out mothers, but be sure to offer things for ALL women.
Hmmm funny, I did the same thing to her. And I think four months ago when I read this post I kind of blew you off like I blew her off. But I have learned since then, that I can’t do it alone. That I need women of all kinds to lead the movement I would like my sisters to do. I’m not “holy” looking, I can’t cook and I am called to teach. But as I trek forward in my journey I have realized that I must stop projecting the issues I see as “wrong” in the church, and specifically women’s ministries on the women and men leading, but on myself. My own sinfulness, that I haven’t stepped up, and been joyfully vocal not bitterly so. The men and women who have gone before us, and done great things can’t be ignored… they are part of that cloud of great witnesses. We can’t reject the cloud or down pour won’t happen.
I’m sorry Nicole.
Wow, this is such an old post but I just randomly stumbled upon it from Google. You TOTALLY hit the nail on the head with where I am at in life right now. I just started work again after a year of maternity leave and have been made to feel ashamed that I have to go back to work and not be with my children, and that I’m not that “mom” that you are talking about up there. I have a few friends that I can be real with and we can admit that HEY this is hard and we need life to be real and we need people to be real with us. We need people-especially in our church-to understand that not all moms are actually able to stay home and be that “mom” that they seem to think we need to be, and instead to reach out to us where we are AT! Thanks for this post.