In the Beginning: The Anniversary Post

Jesse and I are in Chicago this weekend celebrating our 9th anniversary. Let’s face it, this is proof that God is still in the business of performing miracles. While these 9 years are the best that I have ever had the good times have been punctuated by times of grief, anger and sorrow. Despite it all we have been on a journey of faith and self discovery that has been truly amazing and full of grace.

So, to celebrate our anniversary and the miracle of God’s restoration after ups, downs, and three separations I am reposting something that I had originally posted on the XXXChurch wives blog. I pray that it will bless you and that you will benefit from our experience.

And Jesse, I love you!

I love the first two chapters of Genesis. Who doesn’t like new things, fresh starts, or new beginnings? In these two chapters God creates everything and sets it all on its course the way it should be. The way it was created to be. The way it was intended to be. That includes men and women. There is something so intimate about the creation of Eve. She is flesh of Adam’s flesh and the two are to become as one. There is so much connectedness in these verses. A kind of connection that I had envied and cried over for many years. Here is what God says in Genesis 20-24:

20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

When the truth of my husbands addiction came to light I believed that we would never get back to the type of connectedness that God had intended. I felt so vulnerable and exposed. WIth each confession I felt less and less a part of him and more and more alone. If you would have asked me then, I would have told you that things would never be the same. How could I ever trust this man again? How could I ever feel that I was one with him like I did in the beginning. In our beginning. I was convinced that the marriage plan that God created in Genesis 2:24 had never been intended for me.

Shortly into our recovery process I started to experience a little bit of hope. As my husband began to make amends and became honest and accountable I started to wonder if our marriage could get back to where it had been. Would we ever have what God intended in the beginning? As I struggled with whether God could pull off this kind of miracle I started to pray Genesis 2:25 everyday. “The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.”

As I prayed this verse over and over God showed me that it is about more than being ok in front of each other without our clothes on (which I will say was very difficult for me at that time). What he showed me is that his intention was for us to be bare before each other. Completely transparent. Totally vulnerable. Without secrets and without shame. I began to earnestly pray that we would get to a place where we no longer had anything to hide. That we would get to a place of honestly and trust as God had intended. That we could be naked and feel no shame.

Three years later my husband and I are still a work in progress. But, we are so much further than I ever dreamed we would be. If you are on this journey with me my message for you is that there is hope. Hold on to it. My prayer for you is that you will once again have a marriage relationship that is naked and without shame. As it was in the beginning.

My Parents 51 Years Ago

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It would be a blessing to hear from you!